Do you think my marriage can be saved?
I’ve been married for 20 years, but for the last 10 years we’ve been slowly growing apart. I don’t know what to do. We have kids and don’t want to hurt them, but neither one of us is happy any more.
We found this book called Save My Marriage Today ( http://www.bornlovers.com/index3.php ) and thought about trying it. (It’s way cheaper than a marriage counselor. lol) I guess we’re just unsure if anything can help at this point.
Anyone been through the same thing and managed to save your marriage?
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Tagged with: 10 years • marriage • marriage counselor
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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If you both found the book, or at least both looked for somthing together, and are thinking about trying it, that means there is still hope and the longing for togetherness. Over the 20yrs, you have probably gotten too comfortable and bored, what is there that you are looking foreward to?
Sounds as though being as the children are getting older, your identity as a couple, for years as parents, is needing to be evaluated. You need a new purpose or goal as a couple, somthing to look foreward to and work with or do together.
Do not try, find it and do it. If you try, you allow that you may not succeed.
I will not say good luck, luck will have nothing to do with it. Remember how it was in the beginning of the relationship and the way you felt. Concentrate on that and it can stimulate the feelings again, the more vivid and detailed the memories, the stronger the stimulation and return or the arousal. Talk and work on it together, as the stimulation and feelings intensify, get playful together. Have Fun TOGETHER
Twenty-years is a good chunk of time together and within this time he should of sowed the oats and she should of sowed hers as well.
Changes will take place, but the most important thing is that they both appreciate each other sexually no matter what.
If you lose that president, then you’ve lost it all.
Mine is on the rocks right now so I will not be much help. I bought a book "Joined together" and was wanting to do it with my husband and he did not have any interest in it. It looked great and I would do it myself but it needs both spouses to work through it.
spice your marriage up a bit. Bring in new partners and have at it.
If you were so concerned about saving your marriage you wouldn’t be this much concerned paying some extra money to go to a marriage counselor.
you should seek help if you care about your marriage and your kids.
I think it depends on what causes the breakdown of the marriage, what are the things that cause the problems. The odd thing is it is often nothing that cant be fixed. Talking is the only way but do make ground rules of no arguments no talking over each other. If sex is one of them that is a hard one to overcome if one partner does not want it and the other does.
Don’t count on that book saving your marriage. You and your spouse need to determine how determined you both are in doing that yourselves.
There is always hope and sounds like you are both trying to find away to move forward as a married couple.
Maybe find away for both of you to connect again, when was the last time you both did something for the two of you? Start going on dates, allow your passion to return naturally between the two of you. Also have open communication and find ways to connect mentally.
Good luck, I hope you both find happiness regardless of what path it takes you on.
Slowly growing apart is not a reason fro divorce. Especially since you have kids. If the kids are not adults. Work on it.
Get your family into counseling. And get your family to church. In a lot of cases marriages can be "fixed" But it takes work and for most people it seems to hard. Nothing worth keeping is easy.
Would you turn your back on your child if he or she wasn’t doing as they should? Most mothers wouldn’t, They would do ALL they could to save there child from a life of grief. The bible says Leave your mother and your father and cling to your wife! Its a vow that no man should break. So Work at this marriage like your life depends on it. Think of it as cancer and Fight fight fight. Your family is worth every effort. I’m sure he is a good man in many ways. Think of those things and look into his eyes and find that love and desire you once had for him. I wish you the best of luck.
What at this point could be making you grow apart. Marriage in my opinion isn’t just about love and having fun with someone, although that is what initially starts a marriage. But to me it is a contract of life. It is about being partners in all aspects of the business of marriage. You must find out deep down what you both need to be happy in this relationship and each do your part to make it work out. You have been together such a long time, maybe you both just need separate vacations to think things through and have a little bit of fun to liven up your life. It sounds like you are both willing to look into it and don’t waste your money on counselor’s or books just talk, talk, talk. Find out why you are not happy, what do you need? What does he need?
a good sign that your both still interested in each other is the fact your both still willing to try,like the book thing.i believe that there is something still there.it just needs a kick start.
I am a Christian so I can only explore from this angle. If both of you are Christians, you need to go to your Pastor or some church leaders for help and prayers. I have seen many marriages revived this way……… when couples come together to pray.
There again, both of you must be willing and committed to save the marriage. It takes 2 hands to clap.
i guess many people pass through this period but how you handle it real matters. Maybe your the one who was crossed and your partner doesnt know how to say sorry, sometimes its good to try and encourage him/her that things can still work out. Well but most of all i always leave it to God and pray alot to help me forgave and forget and if this marriage was made from heaven then let it pass the dark days. Wish you all the best.
Marriages that last is something rare. you have been together for so long it would be so unwise to end it now. i agree with your drive to save it. I have not been married for all these years but i can recommend a link.
http://saveafailingmarriage.com/answers.html