What can I do to get my wife to fall in love with me again?
I’ve been married 14 yrs ( 2 children). She says I haven’t been there for her. Consequently she just ended an affair. I still love her and make this work. Any ideas?
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Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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Start "being there for her."
You weren’t fulfilling your end of the relationship, so start doing it now!
yes. be a total d*ck and get a side piece, and don’t be discreet about it either.
seriously, it works.
Move on . She is getting a shellacking from another man.
if she is open to it, you can go to counseling with her and try to work things out. however, that is assuming that she is willing. if she’s not, you might have to accept the fact that it’s over and file for divorce. you cannot have a relationship if only one person wants it. also, actions speak louder than words…the fact that she is/was having an affair speaks volumes.
what did you do to make her fall for you the first time? help her around the house, give her compliments, be a good father, invite her to take a bath with you, go on a trip together jsut the two of you, do things together as oppsoe to on your own and rekindle the flame. ty taking the love dare. it is a great book !
Counseling. If she had an affair and also has negative feelings for you, you need to get to the bottom of it. Do it right and work with a professional.
so you have forgiven her for the affair? and her excuse for the affair is that you weren’t there for her? if so….START A NEW DAY NEW PAGE!
Tell her this by taking her out to dinner a nice romantic dinner or cook her a nice candle lit dinner at home.
Start by resolving any issues that made her feel you weren’t there for her…listen well…and try and change that if you can.
Look back to when you first fell in love with eachother and try and remember the things that you did that made her laugh..smile…and feel loved.
But she too needs to gain your trust again and not have an affair when ever she feels that your not giving her the attention she seeks.
Tell her to come to you and tell you how she feels more often because some men don’t purposely neglect their wife its just work,stress,life in general that can have an affect on how a man behaves in marriage.
Just try and be what she needs you to be at this point in her life and LISTEN…always listen that is the main key.GOOD LUCK
Weekend to Remember – It’s amazing!
Find a conference in your state and go! I have gone twice and my husband and I loved it!
The problem with a lot of marriages today is communication. TELL her that you love her and that you are sorry that you have not been there to fulfill her needs for time and attention from you. TELL her that you want to save your marriage. You fell in love with her and married her….go back to the basics of what happened when you first met. Show her as much attention as when you were dating her and trying to win her heart. Marriage takes work and I commend you for even posting this question and trying to make your marriage work.
Another problem in marriages, especially if you have been married for a long time, is it’s hard to keep it romantic and interesting. The key to a good marriage is you WORKING at it. Romance doesn’t come easy after 5 years of marriage. Communicating your needs to your spouse doesn’t just happen. You have to work at it.
Women want to be valued by their husbands and they want to feel like their husbands desire to be with them and spend time with them.
When you have kids that means less time for husband and wife, but don’t feel bad for planning a special weekend away from the kids. Happy parents means a happy home.
It sounds like your wife needs some major TLC from you. Women are easy, though. Do nice things for your wife, make her feel appreciated by saying thank you when she cooks dinner. Get serious about her and what she means to you and she will get serious about you. Marriage is a wonderful thing between a man and a woman. Treasure your wife and honor her to the best of your ability and God will take care of the rest.
I’ll tell you a great movie to watch is FireProof. http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/
It is a Christian movie but whether you are a Christian or not, it really speaks about how to salvage a marriage and really work to not only keep it together but to make it grow. It’s a romantic movie and it’s funny as well. If you just show your wife that you care-that you REALLY care-about how she is feeling, you would be surprised at her response.
Rent the movie FireProof and watch it together. Fireproof your marriage. Good luck!!!
Take a look at a book (i forget the title) with a 40 day love challenge. Maybe its called the love dare, i forget. But buy the book and follow those steps.
It is a 40 day challenge to do small nice things for your wife daily for 40 days. I think it is a good start to improve your marriage.
*Love vs. Attachments:
"Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy and to be free from suffering. Having realistically recognized others’ kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other person’s welfare. We have no ulterior motives to fulfill our self-interest or to fulfill our desires; we love others simply because they exist. Attachments exaggerates others’ good qualities and makes us crave to be with them. When we’re with them, we’re happy but when we’re separated from them, we are miserable. These attachments are linked with expectations of what others should be or do. Is love as it is usually understood in most societies really love? Let’s examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes carefully – we’ll notice that we look for specific qualities in others. Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value. We examine someone’s looks, education, financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us. In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they help us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick, we consider them good people and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to. But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to us, as if we are the most important person in the world. After we’ve judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them. Desiring to be with the people who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo’s – when we’re with these people, we’re up, when we’re not with these people, we’re down. Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we’re disappointed, or may become angry. We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people. Our problems arise not because others aren’t who we thought they we’re, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they aren’t. Checklist: "I Love You if __________ " What we call love is most often attachments. It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestimates the qualities of another person. We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person. Love, on the other hand, is an open and calm, relaxed attitude. We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While attachments are uncontrolling and too sentimental. Love is direct and powerful. Attachments obscure our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear ones and harming those who we don’t like. Love clarifies our minds and we access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachments are based on selfishness, while love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Love looks beyond all the superficial appearances. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our minds want to know attractive, intellectual, clean and talented people. Love recognizes that regardless of the others’ appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they wish to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems. When we’re overly attached to a person, we’re not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to the person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we’d be incomplete without him. However, this does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can’t be dissolved immediately. If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious and insecure. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them. The core problem is that most of us seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own minds. We ‘can’ develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many magnificent qualities, then we’ll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And then we’ll seek to increase love – without attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate lovingkindness, patience, compassion, generosity, understanding and wisdom. Under the influence of attachments we’re bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we’re happy. When they ignore us or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pacifying these attachments doesn’t mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without attachments there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine impartial love for them. We’ll be actively involved with them. As we learn to subdue our selfish attachments, we can have successful friendships and personal relationships with others. These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect which the relationships will be based on. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life".