2 years ago, I met someone around whom I felt a way I had never felt before. He felt this for me, too, but yet he was very defensive and tried to rationalize & deny it. Also he had a mean streak in him, which actually seemed to enjoy denying girls their feelings and being caring. Still, by being patient, and paying attention, and reassuring, sure enough, I melted through the defensive exterior until he loved me utterly. I don’t know how I did it; it took a year. Sadly, at this time, my life fell apart, and I could not sustain the relationship. I recently saw him, and we talked everything through, but I just couldn’t relax; I felt scared because I had been hurt. Now, I am finally getting distance, and finding new reasons (mostly friends in a new place) to love life. I know that since we parted, he’s gone back to being defensive and angry. I know it was something special that I saw the beautiful person beneath among the layers. But, my feelings are protecting me. Will I love again?
I had a special conneciton with him that ended up transcending his defensiveness, but I needed to take some time to sort out my life because I had lost my job and didn’t know where I would live. The relationship took a lot of energy for me to be in, so it was hard, and I shoved off once he started dating other women and telling me about it as if I’d be perfectly fine with this. However, I did initially plan on getting back together with him, and he, on getting back together with me, but the hurt of this time is still very strong for us both. I understand where he was coming from, but defensiveness is really a tough characteristic to deal with. There are times in relationships where one needs to be honest, and if someone’s defensiveness makes this impossible, what can one do?


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