I need to fall in love again with my husband again. Help?
We have been together for 15 years. We have 3 boys. I know it’s important to make my marriage work for the sake of my sons but it’s hard to find my way back there again…to fall in love with him when I do feel I fell out long long ago. I’m concerned. I’m 35 years old, work a ton, it’s like where do I find the time. How do I get back there? I’ve done the counseling, the trip getaways but it always seems to fall back into the same rutt. Can you help?
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Tagged with: 35 years • counseling • love • marriage • marriage work • rutt • sake
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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If you figure it out let me know so I can share it with my wife
we can hit it off sometime. Your man aint got to know.
dont be so into your work give up some to gain some its your work or marriage not work them him its him then work do somthing special you have to tak a stand and take a day off or dont do so much into it do something romantic or sexy for him
you can’t force something that isn’t there.
Stop working so much on your marriage and begin to work on making yourself happy— the happier you are with you and what you are doing.. the better mother and wife you will be… it will either work or not.. but at least you will be a better person, regardless.
You need to have a talk with him and tell him how much you want to rekindle the way you felt when you first met. Tell him you need his support. The spice in marriage comes from novelty and unexpectedness mixed with the memories of the way you felt when you were falling in love. Often when you talk about memories of things you did and said you start feeling the same things again.
I recently reunited with a guy I had been in love with years ago. At first I didn’t feel a thing, but the more he talked about things we used to do and the memories he had of our time together the more I actually felt those things again. In a few months I was head over heels in love with him again, and no one was more shocked than I was.
You can get back those feelings, but it does take effort and work.
You cannot control how you feel. So don’t force yourself into a potentially bad situation just for the sake of your sons. Just do your own thing and love your children. That’s all that matters.
Oh i feel for you. It must be hard to love him in the first place. Maybe you need to just sit back and look at what your life would be like without your husband and children. Sometimes just realizing what you wouldn’t have helps make you strong for the road back.
Does he feel the same way??? He just might
get the communication going!!!! relive your old memories in your head!! How you felt on your first date, after your first kiss, your wedding, the births of your children. Try to remember the reasons you fell for him in the first place! Talk to your hubby and tell him how your feeling and that you want to work on things! REALLLY make an effort to change things go. talk about a plan on how to get your relationship where you want it! Dont give up!
This is a hard question to answer. There’s too much missing information. Like, do you still love him? You say that you work a ton. That might be one clue to your problem. If you’re working a ton then perhaps that’s too many hours. Perhaps you need to cut back on work so as to spend more quality time with your husband, when you’re not so tired, you know? You said you’ve done the counseling, but are you applying what you learned daily? Is your husband still in love with you? Does he show it? I’d like to help but there’s too many blanks that need filling in.
Here is the definitive answer and it works every time.
IUf you distrust this suggestion, you will pass up genius.
No matter how exhausted you are, sick, disinterested, pissed off… for thirty days in a row, be very smiley and cheerful around him…treat him like he is the king. That means, every meal is HIS favorite foods, house kept immaculate, his clothes washed, clean, pressed, his favorite tv shows always get watched, including Sunday football, get his favorite beer and pour it for him, candles at the dinner table to feel romantic, do not disagree with him….express validations of his opinions, slippers ready after work, massage his back, his feet, tell him how much you appreciate how hard he works for all of you in a challenging world, tell him how proud you are of him…do this daily and mean it,. do not skip anything. and do not say you will just skip one day or just one part!
….treat him like royalty for 30 days in a row.
The funnily paradox about love is to feel it, we actually have to give it away. You doting on him and being cheerful and happy around him without fail, will validate your own being a lovable person, thereby raising you own self worth, self esteem, and you WIll feel lovable.
You will also probably see him become Sir Galahad more often.
You do the shift.
Does he want to make it work as well? Committment is the key to making it work again. You need to get to middle points and committ, you need to make promises of change and committ and you need to spend time with each other and committ. You need to get to know your husband all over again right now as a grown man, not like when you met him so many years ago, and he needs to do the same with you. You first need to talk about all those issues, those differences and find solutions. Once you start on that and see on each other the change, you might feel something again. But you both need to be honest and have the will to want to work things out and have the patience because it will be a long process.
You need his help. You don’t say how much he helps you. I’m assuming you need help though. You need for him to appreciate you and all the hard work you do to help you get that feeling back.
What I have found is that when I show my love and appreciation for my wife by doing things for her she is happier. Her behavior toward me then makes me want to make her a bigger priority in my life. It is a positive upward cycle.
Yes. There is 1 answer that will work and it probably scares the hell out of you.
Quit your job.
I’ll say it again. Quit your job.
Rewrite your budget, give up some expenses, focus on saving money, stay at home, and take care of your children. I know people with five children who live on 1 income. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.
Right now, you don’t have the capacity to love your husband, or your children. You’re worked to death. You’re carrying all that stress around in you. And it’s making you hate your family for rejecting your professional effort (unwanted) and desiring you to be a loving, warm, generous mother and wife (very much wanted).
I’ll bet everyday, you come home, and the house is a mess. The dinner needs to be cooked or bought. You don’t get much sleep. You don’t get to spend time with your kids. And as they grow up, they’re going to doubt that Mommy has time and love for them.
You want to know where rogue males come from? That’s pretty much it.
So, cut back your hours, go part-time, start a home based business, work from home….whatever. But you need to be keeping house and tending your boys. You do that and the following will happen:
1. Your husband will love you for it. You boys will love you for it. They’ll love you so much more as "Honey" and "Mommy" than as a regional VP of blah blah blah.
2. You will be CAPABLE of loving again. Your surroundings will reflect the home you’ve made. You’ll have time to unwind, to sleep, to refresh yourself. And you’ll have time to give back to your family, and to others.
3. You’ll be happy. You’ll feel feminine again. You’ll be proud of your husband (who works hard for the bread) and your children (who love and respect their parents, because you’re there to make sure of it). You’ll be the secret envy (and possibly the public scorn) of every female who is wasting her life away in Corporate America. You’ll have time to grow your skills and discover new interests. You’ll be able to meet friends and communicate with others on a personal level.
All these things you’ve given up for the last 15 years….
Do you feel it’s been worth it? Do you have the memories you would have had if you’d stayed home?
You don’t need counseling and you don’t need therapy. You need a calm home, happy kids, and something more powerful than a paycheck to contribute to the family.
Good Luck!
Legandivori & Opetke said it SO well! Read their comments TWICE!!!
The more we treat people the way WE want to be treated, the more likely our feelings will be restored.
“Fake it till you make it” sometimes works with the heart. I fell out of love with my wife for nearly 3 years! We stuck it out for the kids because their welfare is more important than my personal issues.
I sometimes think it is HARDER to stay with someone after the sizzle is gone than it is to simply get a divorce and start over. Facts are that 2nd marriages have a higher failure rate than 1st marriages prove that most people are running from one problem to another.
When the REAL problem is an internal one we need to address.
My wife and I DECIDED to work on our marriage together. I learned to listen and talk more and she learned to be sexier for me. In fact, our blog has a few interesting stories and comments on how we did it. http://makeyourwifehot.com/bragblog