Will My Husband Love Me Again?
My husband found out I had cheated on him. He found some text messages on my cell phone and I confessed to the cheating. We lived apart for a couple of months and during that time we barely spoke. I heard he was spending a lot of time with a bartender that works at the local bar. I also found some text messages on his phone but he denys doing anything with her, and they are only friends and she is fun. Since then he has told me he wants me back, but he doesn’t want to change his lifestyle. He goes out 3-4 times a week and he comes home at all hours of the night. I think he still sees her and it bothers me. When I bring her up or bring up his going out he gets defensive and tells me that I’m a nag and I am smothering him. He told me that he wants me to relax and chill out and our marriage will work. I do smother him, because I want answers and he won’t talk to me. I have gotten advice to leave him alone and see where it goes. Is this the right choice and will he love me again?
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Tagged with: bartender • cell phone • lifestyle • local bar • marriage • right choice • text messages
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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He is never going to love you the way he used to. You might work be able to work it out, but your relationship will never be the same. You just have to live with that.
It probably won’t ever be the same but it sounds like you choose that path for yourself.
u do need to jus leave him alone b4 u f*ck it up for yourself…and u da one dat cheated first so deal wit it..
This marriage is doomed for failure…He goes out 3-4 times per week without you, but yet he still wants to stay married. Why?
YOU CHEATED ON HIM, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? YOU HAVE TO LEAVE HIM ALONE. IF ALREADY SAID SORRY, OK YOU DID ALL YOU HAD TO, NOW YOU HAVE TO WAIT. BUT I THINK YOU REALLY HURT HIM.HE IS NOT GONNA COME BACK, SORRY BUT THAT’S THE TRUTH. AND NEXT TIME THINK FIRST. AND LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE.
You made a mistake. This guy hasn’t grown up yet! What you have isn’t a marriage, it’s more like roommates. Give him an ultimatum, and when he refuses….and you know he will….. it’s time to go. You deserve MUCH better and you WILL find it!
he took you back when he didnt have to. its not right for him to hold that against u for the rest of ur lives (or however long). if he will continue to do so, u should leave. granted, u did mess up first, but obviously took u back for a reason. dont be subjected to that unfairness. can u really live ur life with that constant reminder of ur infidelities?????? 2 wrongs dont make a right. he doesnt need to cheat to be ‘even’. u were even the moment he took u back.
you are in no position to demand anything from this guy. You’re lucky he took you back after the betrayal of his trust in you.
If you want to continue to live with him, let him be. He has to have someone out there he can trust and talk to, it just so happens it’s this bartender.
He has not completely forgiven you yet. And until he does he will act out in anyway he sees fit. He is thinking "If you can cheat, he can cheat" You two should work on forgiving.
Why are you smothering him about cheating if you’re a cheat too??!!?? You’re crazy. Leave the guy alone and divorce.
You’re probably getting that advice about leaving it alone from people who think it’s what you deserve for cheating on him – like a tit for tat thing. It may be what he thinks himself.
It doesn’t work that way, imo. No marriage will survive if one person is committed and the other isn’t. And if neither is committed…well, then it’s fair to ask why be married?
You guys need a good therapist to untangle all this. It’s not just straying for sex – there are issues of trust, commitment etc.
But I definitely wouldn’t wait it out. I know people who did this 20 years ago and they’re still waiting!
My guess is that he cheated too. Only you were the only one to admit it firsthand, so that gives him the motive to be able to have the lifestyle HE wants, and if you ever say anything, his response will be "well, YOU cheated on ME!". He’s basically scum, and wants to have his cake and eat it too. So I would either just get rid of him altogether, or start standing up for yourself! Suggest counciling, and let him know that his behavior is NOT acceptable if he wants to really save the marriage. He either stops, or you’re done with it!
You have a very involved situation. Without going into details, which would be lengthy, I believe most people in these types of situations find it better to call it quits. However, if you are a praying woman, and I have my doubts, I would say with lots of work, lots of patient, and much prayer, you two might make it. Since both of you have been cheating, that means things were not going well for some time. I think I might throw in the towel. It is your life. Make your own choice.
I don’t know you, I don’t know him and I don’t know her, but I do know he’s boinking the bartender. Which is good, because it evens you out, but if you’re getting back together it needs to come out in the open and it needs to stop.
I was in the same situation with my husband. I cheated on him three years ago, and there are times where he still can’t get over it. You guys should go to counseling, and if he is not willing to go with you, then go by yourself. It will help you realize what you want and need. You should not have to be punished for the rest of your life about this, and just because you cheated on him, doesn’t mean that he can cheat on you. I think he still loves you, but he sounds a little bitter.
I am not trying to be rude to you but, you cheated on him and now you are on here whining about what and who he is doing? I am not sure I get the point here…
Make an appointment with a marriage counselor. Ask your husband to come with you but do Not imply that this is about his or your cheating. Simply explain It’s to develope greater communication skills & an understanding that will help you both rediscover your love. If he refuses to go, do not show any signs of arrogance but continue to invite him to come with you as the day approaches. He may go the last minute. Change your cell phone numbers and don’t make the same mistake twice. Stop bringing up the bartender or any other woman. If nothing is working, make an appointment with him for you two to sit down and talk. When you do, talk about saving your marriage & counseling. Otherwise you will continue living this way while your life passes you by. Good luck.
I cant answer that but I can tell you my story and you can take what you want from it. Me and my husband separated(for cheating also), and he ended up with a girlfriend and me a brokenheart, which we deserve. He fell in love with her but we began talking and he wanted a life with his son. I was still in love with him so we got back together. He made it clear how he felt about her and I about called it quits. I am by no means a spiritual person but I made a deal with God I would give up something special to me for a certain period of time if He would change things around. Less than a week later I caught them together and boy was I pissed. Because my deal with God wasnt over(it was for a month) I decided not to walk out just yet. I SWEAR the next day things got 100% better for me. That was 4 weeks ago and we havent so much as argued. a little over a week ago my husband(he knew nothing about what I was doing) told me he dont understand what happened but hes not in love with her anymore and that he couldnt be more in love with me. That he was with me for me and not our son anymore. As for asking questions, as hard as it is not to DONT worry about what hes doing. Be ENJOYABLE to be around and he will forget all about her. He hangs out with her because she is FUN. This is only if your wanting your marriage to work. Otherwise yall will both be so unhappy. Counselor told me that the problem in most marriages is you try to change the other. Change you. Leave him alone about her, let him know you love him, and carry on with your life. No one wants to be smothered and all it will do is drive you apart.