My husband and I are having serious marriage trouble, lack of communication, disrespect both to one another,?
disagreement on parenting (he has three children and I have one they all live with us). We can’t even go a week without a disagreement,,,, both hurt and bitter. only been a year … As if that is not bad enough I am four months pregnant with our baby.. What can we do to save our marriage?? Any great books ?? no time for counseling?? Anyone made it back from the brinks of divorce from a blended family…if so how?? We love one another but as he puts it all the time its not enough??
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Tagged with: blended family • brinks • counseling • disagreement • divorce • four months • great books • marriage • parenting
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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I would suggest the "Surrendered Wife". Please do not let the title scare you. It is a wonderful book that saved my relationship. (We are a blended family also)
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands is another good one.
Please remember you cannot change anyone. You can only change yourself. You need to be the "Hero" in the relationship right NOW!!! You can save this.
Good Luck!
just put more work into your marriage. marriage takes alot of hard work. i think you guys will make it, we all have ups n downs. goodluck.
please answer my question
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApUcsrkqgwP929l31UhLUKrsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080519072820AAmolSK
Do people even get to know each other anymore before getting married??
A GREAT book: Harville Hendrix, GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT. This is the book for couples. I would get it as soon as you can.
Having a blended family is very, very hard. Good luck.
You both need to compromise, realizing that the welfare of the children is more important than your personal sense of pride about being right or wrong. Kids need consistency and balance and security. Adults will always disagree on stuff like this…compromise and teamwork are soooo important! Good luck.
Try to speak to him about your differences when you guys are not fighting. Tell him you just want to discuss some things, you’re not looking for a fight. When he says something, take a minute to fully absorb what he has said and then try to see it from his point of view. Then ask him to do the same when you say something.
If you can’t work out your problems, then I’m sorry dear, but you are going to HAVE to make time for counseling.
Remember that the first year or two of marriage is/are usually the most difficult, and you have it three-fold because you also both have children, plus you are pregnant now. All of those things add to the issues and problems that newlyweds face, so try to hang in there and keep working at it.
Good luck!
Jay, blended family can be the hardest to live with especially when the nerve center, the parents are on not one accord when dealing with one another and kids. You both need to sit down and set some goals and come in agreement with them before anything can happen or change for the better. What ever you both do is be the example that you are setting for your kids. If you both disrespect and don’t communicate with other the kids see that. Now you are going to bring a new baby into the mess you have and it is simply not fair to the baby or the kids. Have will have to make time for making goals or your marriage is doomed. Good luck!
Be away from your individual ego. try to love all the children. compromise in life. When difference is arising, sit together and discuss by respecting each other.
love is not enough, but to make it enough you have to add respect and "good listening". both of you have to do it. if he keeps saying "love’s not enough" maybe hes already giving up and backing out, you can’t hold it together on your own, so first find out if he’s willing to work with you on it. Just talk, and compromise. Say, "this is how i want to handle things with the kids, this is how I dont want to handle them." There’s nothing wrong with disagreements if you can respect eachother, communicate and compromise when they arise, but if all u do is name call and shout then life’s gonna be miserable. Disagreeing is normal you guys are 2 different people
You need to take the time (even 30 minutes) to just be a lone with your husband (everyday). Even if it is something simple like going out on the front porch together and drinking a cup of coffee together.
What you both need to do is take a deep breath and apologize. Usually when one person takes the first step and says "Honey, I’m sorry for doing this, saying this, I’ve just been so stressed of lately" the other one will follow suit "I know honey, I’ve also said some pretty insenstive things" blah blah.
The point is to get back to neutral territory (let go of the bitterness and anger). From there you can try to calmly look at some fixes to things like parenting etc. However, you cant get anywhere with-out getting over the bitterness / anger / resentment. As long as you hold onto that you will never be able to resolve any of your other marital problems.
Well, I’m in the same boat as you and your husband. I won’t go into to much detail about my situation other than I have 3 families under my roof going Thur the same crap. I have 2 kids with 2 different moms and my girlfriend has 1. We bought a house together and plan on getting married before I deploy to Iraq in Sept. I know you stated you don’t have time for counseling but it does help. About a book, I got the best book for you guys. It’s called Love and Respect. It really opened my eyes to a women’s needs, and it really opened my girlfriends eyes about my needs. The book is a little on the religious side but don’t let that scare you. Hope things work out for you guys.
I agree with Singinganddancing. My suggestion would have been to go to Imago Therapy but since you don’t have time for that the theory that Imago is based on can be found in "Getting The Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix. It will take you step by step through each of you truly being heard by the other so that you can have a foundation for resolution of issues. I can’t tell you how profoundly the change is with these simple guidelines for communicating on a truly intimate level. This technique really gets at the root of your issues in a safe and non-confrontational way. The results are absolutely incredible and relatively quick as well. I have seen these techniques work with so many couples that seemed to have done irreparable damage to thier relationships. They were able to get back to truly loving and intimate relationships. You can order the book, find a local therapist and also find local seminars (which may be an alternative to the therapy as well, they are powerful and only take a small amount of time) as well as watch video clips and get information on the techniques at this website:
http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/
It won’t always be easy but it will be worth every bit of effort you put into it. Good luck to you and your family.
You need to sit down and think of what are some of the reasons for the disagreements first. Truth is if you both are hot tempered you will never see eye to eye unless one chooses to stay calm and listen. Truth is in life when two headstrong or leaders get married that is what happens, but when it comes to love one must step down. Truth is sometimes as women we approach things wrongly i’m not saying that’s what you do but i’m just saying you have to know what you do and how you do it. If after trying different approaches to the matters you all still disagree then the problem is him. But you have to be sure you gave it your best. To get to a man you have to know when to approach him, when he is ready to listen, and how to. So good luck
with the disrespect: i had this problem. try thanking the person for one thing every day no matter how small. "thank you for unloading the dishwasher." whatever. you will both feel more appreciated and respected. Parenting: take a parenting class or have even one session wth a marriage counselor to make sure you’re on the same page. OR, get a piece of posterboard and put down what you agree on, what you both think is impt. agree on what you can, and work from there. since you’ll have to parent all your kids consistently or things will break down, you may have to compromise and do a few things "your way" and a few things "his way." What is most impt to you about parenting your kids? If you won’t ever be happy unless they bathe once a day, never talk back, and always eat dinner at the table with you, tell him that and let the other things slide as long as your basic needs/wants get met.
Try your best to remember what’s most impt. Is it more impt for you to get your way or to be married to someone you love and who loves you? If it’s the latter, remember that and think of how your life would be changed without him, and it’ll help you get through. Can you take a holiday from each other? One of you go away for the weekend alone, and then switch? I find absence makes the heart grow fonder!
More information can be read on divorce parenting class