How can i fall in love again with my husband?
So i have been married almost 9 years, and i have fallen completely out of love with my husband. I was actually talking to someone else who made me feel great, wonderful and beautiful. But it was just talking and I decided since i was married it would be better to just be friends. Me and this other guy have never done anything, bad or inappropriate, but i want to work things out with my husband. My husband knows that their are many things that are wrong. So how do i fall in love with him again? How do i rekindle the passion, it is almost 9 years later 2 kids, and a miserable wife.
P.S. My husband is not romantic at all, he is very cold and the sex has gotten pretty bad and non-existing the last 2 years.
I am romantic, loving, etc. I do all of it. I plan our romance i am tired of it all being sooo one sided. I want him to be the impulsive one, i want him to want to make love to me, i am just tired of initiating evreything in the relationship from buying all the food, his clothes to jumping his bones.
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Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Love is deeper than "being" in it & marriage requires commitment. You’ve got 9 years with this man & I hate to see you chuck your marriage because your not "in love." Besides being in love is a temporary state, contrary to what people say. Real love emerges over time, after you’ve weathered some storms together and it’s based on friendship & mutual respect. If you want to hold on to your marriage, ditch the friendships with men. That’s the beginning of an emotional affair and what they refer to as "playing in traffic." When you give another man your attention, you draw it away from your husband. Good luck working this out. 9 years is a real investment. Think long & hard before you chuck if for a man you don’t really know other than he makes you feel good. Besides, feeling good isn’t a permanent emotional state either.
upto both of you to decide to make things work…
and it is hard work…
you need to take time for yourselves…
BUT if your husband isn’t interested, you might as well tell him that things need to change or get better…
and it takes two to tango… are you romantic??? or do you expect your husband to do all the work???
you have to start dating him again. getting to know him again. you may have to get away from the house, the kids, the responsibilities, and rekindle it that way. you two have probably just been existing lately.
you have to find the persons that you were that wanted to be with the other person before life and work took over. watch the outside friendships though. its too easy to develop emotional attachments that could evolve into love outside of marriage and ofcourse adultery. i know, because i did that.
take the time out to find each other again. seems like you both have just lost one another. don’t look at the negatives you mentioned. when you met him and married him, he was never perfect. you just CHOSE not to see his imperfections. well, make that choice again.
I knew, just from reading the title of your question, that you were seeking approbation for your wish to commence an affair. WRONG!!!! You need to take a vacation with your husband and maybe make it a second honeymoon, and you also need to have counseling to get past this marital angst. Your husband needs to go to a physician to make sure he doesn’t have some medical problems.
If you really have done all of the above. I don’t know why he would be this heartless person. Maybe he has a special friend on the side. Was he ever the man of your dreams??
Maybe you should find the problem between you two. If you just act as before, you can make the point to your husband.
no-sex for 2 years, maybe you don’t have love, or your life ryhthm is so tight, just need to relax. But no matter what, you should go to the doctor for some suggestion, hope don’t have big problem.
before do anything, you should ask your husband if he want to fix up your marriage or not, because if he didn’t want so don’t waste your time
You cant make anyone fall in love with you all you can hope for is respect and love – which is not the same as being "in love". I reckon you two got married loving each other without the extra closeness and unity of being "in love".
Someone has ignited your spark again and you are feeling tempted by anothers attention, this happens but you are right in wanting your husbands love and not this other mans but you seem to have settled in a typical marriage where the woman "does" everything.
My mum did this for 50 years before my dad died and it was a way of life to them and many more I suspect.
If you are tired of being the one to initiate things and tired of being the one that has to organise the bills and the holidays and how the money is spent then you are tired of marriage as this is the territory most women have to walk into and they do it happily. You on the other hand have had your head turned by this other man and are seeing faults in your husband.
Perhaps your husband was always like this but it took another mans attention to make you realise you dont feel special, you dont feel beautiful and you dont feel loved by him.
Its up to you what you want to do but honestly this sounds like a typical marriage to me, be happy he does not beat the living daylights out of you like my ex did to me and like so many husbands do today.
You should concentrate of being sexy and loving with your husband and maybe it will fall to you to bring back the spark into your marriage but its a womans role somehow to be the forceful one and you cant change tradition no matter how many women moan and wail about it.
You married him, you owe your relationship something and if you cant be bothered then move out and have your fling with this man and realise what you have lost.
Relationships go through stages and it is hard when the romantic warm fuzzies fizzle. It takes work from both of you to keep it up. TALK to your husband and make him talk to you. Communication is the key. Of course this other guy makes you feel good, the ego boost of being seen as desirable is always great. The thrill of the hunt, the excitement of the forbidden, and the high of the conquest, these are things programed into our psyches and release endorphins in our brains. But these are just the beginning stages of a relationship and its the day to day little things that keep it going. It is not going to be a romantic fantasy moment all the time, that’s not realistic but neither should it fizzle out and die. Tell your husband how you feel but know men are just wired different and some just don’t get it. Go through a picture album together and remember when, to help rekindle the spark. Make sure to set aside time for just the two of you every week. Not necessarily for sex but just for together adult time. You both will have to work at it and it won’t have the same thrill as the office man even if you have decided to be just friends. It is just so easy to let the responsibility of mortgage, job and kids win out and neglect the reason for all that stuff, the two of you and the future you wanted. Good luck.
I know I’m not best suited to answer this question, cause i’m only sixteen. But you’re unhappy in this marriage, and unless things start getting better you’re going to be unhappy for a long long time. And that’s no way to live your life.
Aaaaw, I had the same problem in my nine year relationship which I have just resolved. Except, your better than me because I actually did go outside my relationship looking for the excitement and raw attraction the I once had with my partner. I don’t regret it and I don’t feel guilty about it either because we actually were on a break.
My advice to you is to PUT YOURSELF FIRST! Buy yourself a new outfit, get your hair done, treat yourself to a night out with the girls! Fall in love with yourself and tell yourself that you’re worth it. Start being independent by getting new hobbies and spending time doing the things you like to do. If your man won’t treat you like a lady then take care of it yourself.
Two years is far too long to go without sex, I suspect your man may be lacking in some sort of nutrient or vitamin. Maybe feed him up on oysters and see if that gets the desired outcome. Lastly, stop doing things for him that he can take care of himself. He probably thinks your his mother and will continue to treat you this way as long as you let him.
Good luck!
Tell him how you feel.ask him does he still loves you. What can you guys do to make things better between you.say to him you not happy about the sex.don’t keep things to yourself ,not going to work.open your heart