can i do this to save my marriage ?
Hi,Me and my husband we both are physician. we knew each other for one year and then decided to marry .After our marriage my mother in law was staying with us for 6 months and his brother was staying with us . I never liked this situation but i have loved my husband so i kept quiet an accepted the situation. His mother went back to home country but his brother was still staying with us it has been 2 yrs that his brother was in the house ,not working , sitting at home and i never got privacy with my husband and since last 1 year I stopped talking to his brother and so me and my husband had lots of fight regarding this situation and i told him that we can rent an apartment and financially support his brother but i can’t live in joint family.He got really angry and we had lots of arguments and his brother was aware about this situation and they both left home and now he had sent me a divorce noitce and we had filed a divorce. I love him and wants to spend my life with him but i can’t live in joint family. at this time i am in different state doing my job and my husband and his brother are in different state because my husband has a job there.so I am thinking can i agree at this time with my husband that i don’t mind if you brother stays with us. (probably after 1 yr he will get a job and move out – i will not tell him that but keep it in my mind) does any body has any input can i do this to save my marriage??? will my husband behvae normally with me??
Thanks .
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Tagged with: apartment • brother • divorce • doing my job • marriage • mother in law
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Nothing good comes of having family members living under your roof. I can’t count the times ive seen this. If this is to the point where you can’t take any more then give your husband a time frame either he goes or you do.
I think if your husband chooses his bum brother over his wife that’s pretty pathetic. I see no need for you to work it out. Stand your ground. Make yourself happy don’t live supporting some worthless bum who can support himself.
dont divorce but no, do not support his brother who is a bum. if he leaves you for his bro he does not love you,
I think your husband has issues! Find someone else who will put you first and not their lazy brother who he wants you to support. That is just stupid and ridiculous. Obviously it couldnt have been real love if he walked away from you like that!
sounds as if you husband consideres his brother more important than you give him the honest heartfelt answer and tell him the brother goes or you will leave him sounds like your man is a patsy
Your husband is supposed to put you first not his brother. He is putting his brother before you and that is not the right thing to do. Your brother-in-law is the one who should be working and moving out instead of still living with his brother. Living with someone for two years and not working is too long. The man needs to get a job soon.
it’s run it’s coarse. He shouldn’t have asked you to marry him if hes still in selffish mode. he’s about 10 and your the adult maybe if her has more time to grow up then maybe things will change till then your hooped sorry to say
sorry to here your having marriage problems. it’s really hard to live
with family. you could save your marriage. but is that what you really
wanna do. your husband should have never walked out on you. that
show es he has know respect for you what so ever. you being his wife
should come first. you should mean ever thing to him. and if you ask
him back what are who will he want to move in next. i would really
think about this for a while. good luck Michael Knight.
This is such a difficult situation. I can understand why as a newly wed you would like to be with your husband only and not his brother or mother. It seems like he thought you would join his family, not form your own new family. I am not sure how much cultural factors enter in here. It seems like he made his choice-his family not you. It seems like you made your choice too-me separate from your family and not living together or divorce. I think this marriage failed already. Perhaps you both didn’t see this conflict coming or how different you both feel about this issue. I think you need to accept that this marriage is over and move on with the divorce. By now feelings are too upset to go back and start over, this will haunt you. His family have bad feelings toward you and you have bad feelings towards them. So sorry it all turned out this way. You are a smart doctor and the future is in front of you. You still have time to find a person right for you. Good luck. Some counseling might help sort this out before you give up though.
forget him he is a mommys boy cares of his family not u
I understand why he would stick up for his family, but he shouldn’t have left you like that. The problem in this situation started when you decided to keep quiet about the situation instead of telling him how you felt about his family living with you. I think counseling would work but if not, then cut your losses and find someone who will put you first.
It’s really hard when the in-laws are involved. Men who are very close with their families can be unreasonable where they are involved. No matter how much his brother takes advantage of him, he can’t see it. Clearly, he should have kicked his brother out when the trouble began. The fact that you even offered to support him in an apartment is going above and beyond in my opinion. I can’t believe that your husband wouldn’t even accept a compromise like that. The fact that he wouldn’t suggests some kind of codependent relationship between the two brothers. It’s easy to see what your husband’s brother needs from your husband, but what is it that your husband needs from his brother? If it were something as simple as support, one would assume that you could step in and give him that support. Have you asked him why it is so important to him to have his brother living in the same house as the two of you? I mean for him to file or divorce and leave the state it must have been very important. Before you can work on you rmarriage I think you need to get to the bottom of why he NEEDS to live under the same roof as his brother.
Good luck, I hope this was helpful in some way & that the answers you get here will help you to fix your marriage.
You can almost say you are married to both of them!
i can’t believe some of these answers – the guy is his brother…FAMILY. i understand why your husband stood up for his brother, however he should not have been so harsh on you. you don’t have a right to be angry at your husband for being so supportive of his brother, but you do have a right to be angry for how he reacted to you by moving and filing for divorce. but since he did that, then he doesn’t love you enough to warrant staying together. there is nothing wrong with giving it another try, that is if your husband wants to give it another try as well.