Is it possible that my husband who had a 4 month affair could love me, his wife again?
I admit that I was not fully there for him before this happened. I had given up on him due to his problems with finances and seemingly inability to let me "breathe." Since he has met her he has improved with finances and has seemed to mature. I only found out about her recently. My husband initially lied about how involved the relationship was, but I found pictures of them having sex and written love letters to each other on his email. I don’t know if I should divorce him. I don’t know exactly what he will want. We are going to talk again later tonight. The other woman is married with two children and wants a divorce from her husband, who does not know about the affair. I think my husband may want to wait for her. We have no children.
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Tagged with: email • having sex • love letters • relationship
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Is it remotely possible that your critisicm of his finances and asking for space to " breath" pushed him away? You state that he has improved his finances. You had no idea that your space meant he’d get his affection elsewhere did you? In our culture men are supposed to be the provider. Your reminding him of his deficiencies in that matter belittled him. Then you said your suffocating me? No wonder he went to another woman. That does not say he wasn’t in the wrong but you have to take responsibility for some of it. You have to understand that he wanted caught or he would not have. You seem so wrapped up in yourself you did not know what he was doing. He allowed himself to get caught to deliver the message loud and clear. If you don’t want me I can find someone who will. She made him feel good. What you call being more mature (still judgmental)may just be feeling good again. You have few choices at this point. Answer this question , Do I want to stay married? If so you need to ask him to stay. You also need to make it clear that you will not accept his cheating any more. Both of you need to work on your marriage without the outside distractions. He probably did not want to do this in the first place. I do not believe he wants this other woman and her kids or her husband would have also found out. You have to stay out of her marriage. Work on yours. This supposes that you want to stay married. You can deal with an affair, people do it all the time. You also now know why it happened. You need to assure it will not happen again. Only he can do that and only if only he wants to. If you do not want to be married or if he liked what he found its time to end it now and move on. Start over with a better understanding of how to drive someone away.
it’s strongly he can he probably never stopped loving you but i’d question his motives b/c if he found grounds to cheat in the first place who is to say he won’t do it again!
Unfortunately Susan it sounds as though your husband has made a lot of positive changes since becoming involved with this woman. Things he wouldn’t correct before with you he has now made efforts towards since meeting her and that would indicate he has very strong feelings for her. I think the most you can do is to ask him to be honest with you and that whatever his decision is you will accept it and each move on with your life.
leave his A**…you can’t love somebody and put them through that kind of pain…you will always think about it…and probably never trust him again…it sucks.
yes it is possible
definatly! My husband had an affair 15 yrs ago. We were able to heal and have lived the past 15 yrs affair free. I do have to say that he had to make the commitment to me and our kids… It was very hard work and wasnt easy for me to forgive and get past but I did over time. It is definatly worth the try.
Absolutely it is possible he can love you again. In fact, it is possible and PROBABLE that he never stopped loving you. Get yourselves to a counselor, keep talking thru things…believe it or not people get thru this stuff and get stronger!
Yes, its possible that he never stopped loving you. Men can have affairs and still love their wives. But the big question is can you forgive him for what he did. Get counseling and go from there.
Don’t you think that by staying, you’re telling him , it’s ok that you did what you did?
Do you think you could actually forgive him and never throw it in his face?
Do you think you will ever be able to trust him to stay faithful when things aren’t going his way?
Do you honestly think he can understand what your pain feels like, being betrayed like that?
I’ve said it before on here and I’ll say it again…..THERE IS NEVER A GOOD REASON TO CHEAT.
So answer all of those questions , then see for yourself what your answer is.
Goodluck to you