sex therapy=last chance to save marriage, but:?
sex therapy is the last chance i have to save my marriage but i don’t even feel like going. how can you expect to save a marriage when you are not even attracted to the person? we have zero chemistry & sadly, i can’t even remember why i was attracted to him in the first place. i know i was drawn to him because i knew he would take care of me….but i’m older now & don’t need a caretaker. (i was 19 when i married, now i’m 23 and he’s 30).
i actually recommended sex therapy a few years ago but that suggestion was brushed aside. now we are separated (for 7 months) & now he wants to try. he says he’ll do anything.
he is a good man with a heart of gold. i love him more than anyone…..but he just doesn’t get my juices flowing.
so, should i visit a sex tharapist with him, even if i don’t want to? the only reason i’m considering is because he’s really truly willing to do anything…& i feel rotten for not returning the favor….plus, i don’t feel right getting a divorce w/o trying
PS: I have already cheated on him. he knows about it and took me back with open arms, as it was an eye opener for him—-he realized he was not taking care of my emotional and sexual needs.
isn’t it too soon to be feeling the "7 year itch"? i’ve only been married 4 years and started feeling it after a year.
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Tagged with: 7 months • amp • caretaker • chemistry • eye opener • getting a divorce • good man • heart of gold • juices • last chance • marriage • sex therapy • sexual needs • suggestion
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Sex therapy is probably not going to save this mess. MAYBE full marriage counseling would, but I kind of doubt that, too.
You just don’t understand love. As someone else wrote, it is so much more than ‘getting your juices flowing.’ You probably did have a self-esteem problem when you first began to deceive him and married him for the wrong reasons; but now that you’re aware of that, you’re just shallow. Don’t torture the guy any more until you grow up and understand love and commitment. If you think he’d be hurt & bitter towards you now, just imagine how he’ll feel if you waste any more of his life before leaving (again) to pursue your selfish passions.
If you really want to try to save this, and I mean more than ‘not feeling right getting a divorce…,’ treat it as a matter of LIFE AND DEATH! Go ahead and try the sex therapy, but more importantly, get into joint counseling, possibly individual counseling, and if you’re at all affiliated with a religious institution, seek out guidance from a member of the clergy. And, whatever you do, STOP LYING to him about your true thoughts and feelings.
If you’re not going to make a real commitment of this, you are doing nothing more than stealing away more & more of his life, preventing him from finding the true love he deserves. Just because you apparently are not ready for true love, does that give you the right to prevent him from finding it?
YOu need more than just sex therapy, you need full on marriage counseling, and maybe some counseling for YOURSELF to unveil why you have such low self-esteem and you may possibly be depressed. There is more to marriage than "juices flowing" and marriages take a lot of work.
I think for both of your sakes, you should end this marriage. You have caused your husband a lot of pain (in cheating) and he should not have taken you back, thus enabling you to do it again and again. Being that you aren’t attracted to him – set the poor guy free so he can go find someone who will be interested in him and he can have a loving relationship. You’re just holding him back by remaining together. It’s too bad though, it sounds like he’s a truly good guy who deserves so much better then you.
Eh, just divorce him. Monogamy doesn’t work.
You are lucky he took you back, Sounds like yuou have him wraped around your finger. If you really love this guy then try. If you dont and you dont want to be married to him anymore then get out. Dont string him along. I dont like the younger woman, That dont know what they want until they hit there 30’s.
Sounds to me like you wont be fully into the counseling or therapy if you dont try to make it work it wont. you need to be committed to the effort or it is a waste of time
Good Luck and God Bless!!
Maybe you should both get involved in swinging. My wife and I have been involved in it for years. We are 35 and 33, professionally employed, college graduates, and most do not know we are involved in it. It is just a small part of our relationship and it makes sex between us even BETTER when we are alone together. Oprah even had a special on it last week. Not sure what you know about swinging but you might want to look into it. There are a lot of sites with info.
Well if you aren’t into sex therapy or any kind of therapy, it usually won’t help the situation. You have to want it to help.
Sounds like you love him but you aren’t in love with him. You were wrong for cheating on him, you should have ended the relationship first, but don’t string him along. The sooner you move on the happier both of you will be. Maybe you married him for security but it’ll never work if you aren’t truly "in love" with him.
It’s never too soon to get the itch. Your husband sounds like a good guy, and you are simply in a slump. If every spouse ran away when they felt like you do, no one would be married more than a couple years. Absolutely DO GO to the therapist. And it might not be the right therapist at first!! You HAVE to try…….if you love this man, and he loves you enough to forgive, the problem you are having is a minor one that can definitely be fixed. But you BOTH have to try. Chemistry is something that has to be worked on and maintained…….just like all aspects of marriage. You can’t expect things to stay like they were in day one without working at it CONSTANTLY. You have no excuse…….go to therapy until you get some answers. You owe it to him and to yourself. Trust me…….divorce is hell. It can be a good thing when you have a horrible relationship with an idiot, but that’s not the case here. Good luck, dont’ give up yet.
i thank you should do what you can to save your marrige