flipped out at my bf because of how my ex husband used to make me feel…….can you help me please?…?
hi
i was married 7 years to a man who was very moody and hard to deal with.
when it came to sex, we didnt do it or he would make me feel silly for asking. it kinda made me feel like i was being desperate!! i just wanted to be loved. it made me afraid to approach him and the pain of being rejected cut me like a knife. i will never forget that awful feeling.
before i met him, i was confident with myself. now i am not.
i had to leave my ex as it was making me become ill and i was always crying.
now i live with my new man and he is great.
we have a good sex life and he is a lovely person.
but last night, i flipped out because he said he just wanted to sleep as he was so sleepy from work (he works a 15 hour day- 5am to 7pm)
immediatley old pain came flooding back and i pushed him away from me. he was abit suprised, and i had to go out of the room for 10 minutes to figure out why i had flipped. its because i remembered that awful horrible pain that i used to experience.
i immediatley thought ‘he doesnt want me’
i apologised and he gave me a cuddle and said it was ok.
i mentioned why it had made me flip and he was ok with that.
but i need to let go of my past and be free and be my old self again.
i feel so afraid to come on to my boyfriend incase he says no. and then i also feel stupid for not being able to be feisty and sexy and take control. i am consumed with all these intense feelings.
how do i become more free sexually?
how do i learn that it is ok to be sexually confident?
how do i let go of the bad memories of my ex husband?
why does he still haunt me?
i have to sort this out so i can enjoy my life!
can you help?
louise xx
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Tagged with: bad memories • cuddle • good sex • horrible pain • intense feelings • new man • sex life • sleep • suprised • when it came to sex
Filed under: Ways To Get An Ex Back
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Time, time and Time.. fact is your x husband pretty much emtionally abused u where sex was concerned.. made u feel very insecure about yourself, and the scars are still there, and still very real and although ur bf did nothing wrong, the feeling of being rejected sexually set u off because of old feelings and hurt that you havent worked through yet with ur x husband.. theres not a lot u can do with out seeking counseling for it , if it continues to be a big problem in the future with you with ur bf.. at this point, just keep reminding yourself that your x husband was cruel.. he found what made u ticked, and used it against u .. because he was a mental control freak, and once he found your weakness he used it again and again to tear u apart.. to make himself feel better about himself, id imagine that when he denied u, u chased after him more which gave him the power and the ego trip, and he loved it, so he kept doing it more and more to u.. he was more then likely a man that suffered from small penis syndrom lol.. but u just have to keep telling yourself it wasnt u, it was him, he was the one with the problem not you.. and your new bf isnt him, nothing like him, and that its ok not to have sex here and there.. that Sex is not "love" its an act of love u share, but Sex doesnt make a man love u, or not love u.. and i think thats your biggest problem is u cant seperate love and sex.. love comes from his heart.. by what he says and how he treats u.. not from his jeans.. and when u realize that a man can love u with out sex, that sex is just a plus, not the whole package.. maybe u’ll start not feeling "rejected" emotionally when a man doesnt feel like having sex here and there.. ur to wrapped up emotionally and ur letting your whole relationship rest on sex.. u equate sex with "love, feeling beautiful, sexy, "etc.. and a man can make u feel those things with out ever having sex with u.. and u need to find away to cope with it if not realizing that your hanging to much up on sex.. and its not fair to the guy that ur only emotionally whole on whether or not he performs for you sexually in the bedroom.. good luck..
Go to personal counseling, so you can learn how to cope with these feelings and deal with situations like the one you describe.
Maybe he is tired that night. Quit being mean to him and punishing him for what your ex did. Keep doing that and he will break off from you and find a nice lady that is mature enough to keep the baggage in the past. Just quit being selfish and if he is just tired that night and just wants to cuddle let it be. What if you are in a deep sleep or tired and didn’t feel like it and he nagged at you? These are what a counselor would say to you. Buy some sexy lingerie and wear them under the covers. He may feel different and want more than a cuddle.
You should be talking to your partner about this. Given your history, your feelings are completely understandable and it will take time and lots of reassurance from your new partner, to completely let these feelings go and become as confident as you were. It seems like the first time something has caused you to confront these feelings with him and since his response was very positive and encouraging, you should sit him down and talk through this properly and tell him when something causes you to feel bad. If you do that, you will be able to move on from this and the chances are that the two of you will end up closer as a result.
Read this over and over again….
You can’t control what happened to you in the past. But you can control how it affects you now.
Got it???
And if all else fails, get professional help. Pay someone to help you do something you can easily do on your own.