how do i trust my wife again??
my wife went to florida earlier this year for her friends marriage. I as at home working and taking care of our son. While there she met a guy and became close to him. I found out about thier emotional affair a couple of days after she came back.. she swears up and down that nothing sexual happened between them and none of the im’s or emails suggest anything else. She talked to this guy for about 3 weeks on the phone and on the internet. I asked her to cut it off with him and she did. Since the beginning of July I have seen no phone calls, text messages or anything on the internet bewteen them.. but i just don’t feel comfortable trusting her. She says she has no contact with him and does not want to talk to him anymore.. she says she knows she was wrong and loves me and our son to much to do anything stupid like that again.. how do i trust the wife i love again
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Tagged with: couple of days • emotional affair • marriage • text messages
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Actions speak better than words. She has done as you requested. And time will heal the wounds. Communication is key in a situation like this.
I don’t know. I don’t trust her.
She has done everything you asked. She loves ya!
I am a hard a$s, too.
You can’t! Leave the sorry whore and find a girl who will truely love you…..slap the b*** on your way out.
i think you need to take her word for it. especially since you didnt find anything showing otherwise. she could have made a mistake and learned from it. she loves you and wants to work things out. go with that.
Drop it. All your suspicions are driving her to surreptitious behavior. (If you’re checking IMs, etc. she’ll find a way to open an acct at Library and IM from there…). Trust is a built thing. When broken, you have to rebuild it with help. She won;t want to help if your crazy about checking bills, online activity, etc.
If you don’t trust her, you don’t love her, and then what do you have?
If u love her and want to be with her then u have to find it in your heart to trust her. if she says nothing happened when she was a way then u have to trust that shes your wife!!
it doesn’t all lie with you. she needs to gain your trust back again. it’s hard and it takes time. i would suggest some marriage counseling and this book for her. i got this book for my hubby after his emotional affair.
i don’t think you can trust her again, she crossed the line!
You won’t,ever! So get some good out of it.While she is feeling guilty get all you can out of her,more sex,kinky sex hey she opened the door so play the game.
all through out our lives people come in and out, to teach us lessons…. you dont know what they talked about, it could have all been super positive and made your marriage stronger…. she quit talking to the guy when you asked and you have seen no evidence that shes continued to do so… quit being insecure and move on, shes going to come in contact with many other men in her lifetime and your marriage… and vice versa….
Honestly, time will heal. Hang in there and keep the communication lines open between you and your wife. She said she was wrong and loves you…. gotta go with that. It will get better.
It of coarse sweetie is not going to be easy. If you don’t have that trust in your relationship you don’t have anything so you will just have to trust your heart and head. Not just your head thinking that something sexual happened. I really hope the best for you because you are married and have a child together. You are tied to one another and that would not be an easy thing to break up so you just have to get by it one day at a time and hope she doesn’t ever give you any other reason not to trust her.
Once cheater is always cheater!
http://www.cheaters.com or
http://www.piedmontpi.com/ if u dont trust your wife…
Because of your son, you should try to believe her.
She could be telling you the truth. Only time would tell.
Maybe you need to examine yourself and try to be a better husband to her, maybe this was just a wake up call for you.
Most important, pray and make God the center of you family.
It sounds like she has given you every reason in the world to trust her!
Don’t. Just hold it over her head everytime you want to go fishing or drinking with the guys. That’s what Jesus would do!
The proof is in the pudding. Once trust is broken, it is very difficult to get back and must be earned. She must prove to you over time that she is truly sorry and that she is trust worthy. How long that takes, depends upon you. You can’t simply act like nothing ever happened.
On the other hand, you have to be willing to forgive her totally and to try to trust her again. If you can’t do those two things, then the relationship is over.
Remember as painful as it was/is, we all do stupid stuff sometimes. I hope she really is sorry and that it was a one time stupid event.
I definately think you should trust your wife again. I am sure this is not something she is proud of. She took a friendship too far and let this man cross the boundaries.
For women, from a young age we are taught to be caring and nurturing individuals. This means we are supposed to give. I would guess your wife didn’t mean for this to happen. Perhaps this person was emotionally needy or had a need that your wife could fulfill (sounds bad, but you know what I mean).
Believe her when she says she loves you and your son. It is time to move forward with your lives. Forgive her. Put this behind you. Don’t you want to be happy? Allow yourself to be happy and trust. I somehow doubt that this will ever happen again.
Well considering the intensity of the situation, I feel you can trust her again. It’s sort of like an innocent crush. If she didn’t lie about it then that’s a good thing but her not telling you first might make things kind of iffy. It’s been a couple of months so I think you should accept the situation as being past and start trusting her again. If it happens again though… I’d cut her off.
I really don’t know how to answer that. I think only you can make that decision. No one else can tell you wheather or not to trust or don’t trust her. I know it’s a very difficult situation you’re in. Good luck.
my question would be why did she need to give your home number and why would she even let it go that far..i guess you would have to trust her if she stopped conversing with him..she has to understand too that now if she would go visit her friend you probably won’t be able to trust her..its obvious you have doubts about her if your asking this question now..its October and this happened in July..good luck
You can’t. She disrespected you, and it will be very easy for her to do it again now that she has had a taste.
Some time we do things we later regret, she has complied with all you’ve asked of her. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and believe in her, that’s if want your marriage to last.
The problem was not the guy. The problem was the fact she allowed herself to become emotionally close to another man in a way that is viewed inappropriate by you. So even if she cuts ties with this guy, she still has the potential to recreate the problem with another guy. Perhaps she feels like there is something missing in her life. That could be what caused her to seek intimate attention from a strange man. Are you really possessive? Perhaps she feels like she cannot have guy friends because it would make you jealous. The idea of having opposite sex friends could be a taboo subject in your relationship. Perhaps she just wanted a taste of the forbidden fruit. I suggest you both build a stronger relationship with each other and learn to give each other the courtesy of trust when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. A little bit of jealousy can be healthy and beneficial, but too much can push the other person away.
once a cheeter always a cheeter
if you’re sure their was no sex, then try to forgive and forget i guess. if you have caught her lying in the past then the marriage might be a wrap. she could be lying again. good luck dude.
It’s possible she may mean what she says. I’ve been in a situation similar to this and I decided to put my trust back into him and it worked. I think it’s a matter of deciding if you want to continue the relationship with her. If you do then you are going to have to do it and lay the negative thoughts aside and put forth your best effort to continue the relationship. You will still have some doubts and do some checking up, that’s ok. If you catch her again, that’s it!
well..im sure your wife is not the only woman who has gone thru this!
It happens to the best of us..its good that she has had nothing physical and she was brave enuff to tell you.
Think about this :: had she not told you , you wonuldnt have known ..ever … and that was the end. You can say she told you to get the guilt off her shoulders .. true in a way but i think only PEOPLE who have a GOOD character and truly love their ""spouse" can be gutsy enough to tell about something which could never be known otherwise.
Trust could be an issue ..but if you want to live with her you will have to forgive forget n move on and then you shall trust her .. else it seems impossible !!!!
i suggest forgive her and move it could happen to u too and ofcourse it can rebound but your forgiving and trusting her all the more will make her respect and love you even more!
Couple questions to ask when dealing with relationships:
1. Why would she want to become emotionally attached to somebody else, and not you? Look into yourself first….
2. Do you REALLY love her? Love is suppose to be BLIND.
3. Are you WILLING to trust her. If you are not willing, all’s lost; however, if you want to give it a chance, your marriage won’t have to end up on the "other" column of the statistics.
you need to give it time she betrayed your trust to a point an dit will take time to rebuild that trust if you are willing to give her that time and if you look at it she didnt really cheat she just talked with a guy and had a close friendship with him and now that over are you willing to give her the time to rebuilt that trust if not then your marriage is as good as done trut but verify is my motto
I don’t envy you because once that trust is broken it’s hard to get it back. I am going through the same thing. I know you love your wife and son because you are willing to fix what was broken. But as most things, time will tell and heal. My problem is that you had to ask her to cut it off with this other man. If she cared about you and your marriage you shouldn’t had to ask her to stop contacting another man. If this is going to work, she has to win your trust back and once she does you can not throw this incident up in her face every time you have a disagreement. Once you forgive her, it’s over and done. You and you alone know your situation, and can make the calls on what is best. Work it out and forgive. Remember, everyone makes mistakes. Who knows what the future holds for YOU!!!
I think the main question is why is your wife having the necessity of having an emotional affair… is there something you think you need to improve in your relationship?
well has she done anything since then for you not to trust her
Sounds exactly like my situation. She is seing someone.
I feel she needs to understand that what she did has destroyed any trust you have in her. She needs to repair this in any way she can, you need to give her that chance. From what you wrote, what she did does not really sound as disastrous as it sounds. It is common when away from marriage, on a vacations, different surroundings to like acting singe and get caught up for the moment. I am sure she rationalised all of this and has come to realize that her marriage to you means more.
You don’t – 3 months isn’t a long time. If she remains true to her word you will eventually trust her again, but it will take a loong time.
She obviously stopped the affair before it went any further. She is sorry it happened. You should forgive her since she has ended it. She deserves a second chance.
One it wasn’t physical. Secondly, when you asked her to stop talking she did. So to me it sounds like you are insecure about yourself right now. When you sit back and think about things maybe you will find out there is stuff you need to work on to improve this relationship and make it stronger. Maybe you need to be more intouch with her. But go with your heart on this one. Once trust is gone it usually won’t come back. But remember she didn’t do anything physical and she did obey you when you asked her to stop talking to him. Thats got to show for something on her end. Take things slow. Redate her. Set time for each other one night a week and just go out and be one on one.
Usually when a spouse cheats on their partner it is because something was lacking within the marriage. Nine times out of ten communication has everything to do with it. And considering your wife had an emotional affair with another man that tells me you two don’t communicate too well. What you need to ask yourself is why your wife would be more comfortable telling some other man something versus talking to you, her husband. Now I will say not one person is to blame for the failure of the marriage as both parties are responsible. However, when one party chooses to take means into their own hands, without trying to fix the problems in the marriage, they are solely to blame. It seems to me that your wife can’t open up to you. It could be because she’s afraid of what you’ll say, afraid of the consequences or she’s just afraid of you. I don’t blame you for not being able to trust your wife as this would be hard to swallow. But when she says that she is done with this man I would find it a little hard to believe if she hasn’t tried to change things within the marriage. You see, when a marriage is at it’s best you share every thought and dissapointment with eachother. You hold nothing back from eachother as each of you know each others fears, hopes and thoughts. But when there is that seperation within a marriage it allows for frustration, anger and pain. You two can only begin to assume how eachother feels. When we assume we always assume the worst. It is very important to be open with eachother. This is the beginning of trust. You can only trust someone who is sincerely honest. Getting your wife to open up to you could be a little rough considering only she knows why she’s detaching herself from you. You must sincerely talk to her about why she won’t open up to you as you two should be best friends. If you approach her regarding this with anger you will only be pushing her further from you. She will not share her feelings when you present anger, she will close herself off from you. I understand that she chose her own actions in talking with this guy. You choosing to stay with her tells me that you want this marriage to work. If you want it as bad as I think you do, than you must force communication changes within the marriage. You must try to be open with eachother at all cost. Good Luck & God Bless!
Trust is earned and your wife damaged that trust. It is going to take time to rebuild that trust again. No quick fix, but you seeing her doing the right thing.
It sounds like she is doing some things right, like stopping all contact with this man. It helps for her to be very open with all her communication, let you see that she is doing the right things. Her word was damaged, so now is not the time for one to be concerned about privacy. She did the damage, she can do whatever is necessary to rebuild.
Then, I suggest that you both work on building stronger boundaries in your marriage to protect it in the future. Also, work to understand each other’s emotional needs better.
Marriages can and do survive this type of thing. But, it takes time and lots of effort from both to recover. The best way to avoid anything like this from happening again is to confront it now and work through it.
I suggest two books:
"Fall in Love, Stay in Love" by W. Harley
"Hedges, Loving your Marriage enough to protect it" by Jenkins.
A yahoo group site with lots of helpful articles and links about affairs and recovery saved in FILES. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
What she did has know excuse, she got involved emotionally. cant get any worse then that. before this did you know there were thing that needed worked out? and if she had a problem then you have communication issues. but on the other hand if YOU have been out playing Mr.Dog then you get what you get, if not then be very cautious happened once it will probably happen again.