Why can't I get over my married lover?
I had an affair with a married man almost 3 yrs. ago that lasted about a year. I fell head over heels in love with him and I told him so. He was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I told him many times that I loved him and he in return told me he loved me. I told him that I was leaving my husband for him and he told me that I could do whatever I wanted to do, but he was not leaving his wife, he loved her. I want him back so freakin bad, and I have been trying everything to get him to realize that he loved me. I even told his wife tht he talks to me and tht we were still seeing each other, but I guess tht didn’t work, because he is still with her. I just want all the stuff that he did with me back. He was so sweet and kind and everything that I wanted in a man. He told me in Nov. 07 that he didn’t want to see me anymore, and that he didn’t want me to call him again, but I did, several times after my Dad died, I just wanted to see him and get one of his hugs. But, he told me that he didn’t want to see me. I guess that he does love his wife, because whenever I see them togehter they seem to be very happy and loving. She knows about the affair,(I told her) but she still is with him. I want him back so bad and will do anything to get him back. How can I make him realize just how much he means to me and how much I love him? He will not answer any of my calls.
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Tagged with: dad • head over heels • head over heels in love • married man • several times
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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he loved the excitement that came with that affair, im sorry but if he loved u he would have been with u now
The reason that he is not answering your calls is because he is married and in love with his wife, and has told you not to call him.
You are feeling lonely and upset about your relationship with your own significant other.
In my opinion you need to go to counseling together and find out what happened to the love that you both shared.
And get over Mr. Wrong. Hes married, end of story.
cause you’re a loser that has relationshp issues. seek counseling.
ps. HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU. HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU. HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU.
HE LOVES HIS WIFE AND DOES NOT WANT TO GIVE HER UP FOR YOU.
ACCEPT THIS.
ACCEPT THIS.
MOVE ON.
MOVE ON.
sheesh.
get it yet or should i keep on w/ the CAPS?
If you don’t let him alone, they’re going to put a restraining order on you! Honestly, you sound like a real bunny-boiler.
This guy is a dick and you are pretty stupid if you can’t see all he wanted from you was sex… he got it, there’s nothing else you can possibly give him now. He obviously is trying to work things out with the woman he loves (who is not you). Move on!!!
God is punishing you for being immoral.
" have been trying everything to get him to realize that he loved me. I even told his wife that he talks to me and that we were still seeing each other, but I guess that didn’t work, because he is still with her"
WOW!!!!!
You need to get over this now. He told you he didn’t want you. The man that you "fell in love with" wasn’t the man you thought he was. He LIED to you just like he lied to his wife.
Trickery – is what you fell into.
You need help.
I can see why he doesn’t want to see you anymore…you told his wife about the affair. Hello! Anybody in there????? What made you think that was going to win him over? He now views you as a mistake. And obviously she’s the one laughing at you, because he’s going home to her now. Bad play on your part of the game. Best to look somewhere else…your problem with getting over him now is because he’s the one who got away.
Your relationship with this man is what you call….OVER. He and his wife have obviously worked though all this together. You need to do the same with a therapist. Have some respect for them but, mostly for yourself.
Hon, you need counseling. He have told you long ago he doesn’t want to be involved with you. It was an affair and he no longer want to be a part of it. Apparently his wife has forgave him and they are working on their marriage.
It’s pretty selfish of you to even try to break their marriage. Leave them be and you need to face your own reality. If you are not happy with your husband, then do him a favor and leave him. Let him find someone else that will love him and appreciate him. What you did to your husband was not right.
Let him go, stop with the phone calls. At this point you are starting to sound like a stalker.
You told his wife?
He *hates* you now.
You will never get him.
He is married. Leave him alone. Women should stick together. If they did then perhaps all these married men wouldn’t cheat. Not saying its just the womans fault cos its not. It doesnt seem that u have tried to get over him. Delete his number. If u know it then ask him to change it so u don’t call him. But don’t do what ur doing anymore think of his poor wife who is trying to make a go of things with her husband. Equally u deserve someone who will treat u well and be all yours. He isn’t that person.
you are not being punished, you are not being stupid- you were not in love with your husband so you left-your lover still loves his wife and so he is not with you-it sucks- you need to try your hardest to move on-this man is not for you and he never will be- please leave him alone and seek your own happiness-he may have loved you in his own way but it is over and you need to mend and move on-there is someone out there who will make you forget all about him-there always is-be smart this time and be with someone who is available to love you like you deserve!-good luck
Ur a dum dum
You did almost everything wrong.
Now do something right and move on.
I hate to be the one ot break the news, but your ex-lover already knows how you feel. What you don’t seem to realize is that when he told you he loved you, that he lied. Oh he may have has some feelings for you, but not the ones you thought he had for you. He just told you he loved you to get into your knickers, and you fell for it.
Sad that you have and are throwing your life away over a lie. Now be a good girl. Learn from your mistake and let him go. You really don’t want him anyway. Even if you got him, odds are he would have found another lover and cheated on you.
You are paying the price for getting involved with a married man. You do need counseling before trying to move on. This is baggage you will take into any relationship you are ever lucky enough to have in the future. You really don’t want to carry it around any longer.
Why buy the cow if he got the milk for free????
He doesn’t love you, and I’m sure you promised him butt sex and that’s why he said it in the first place.
I feel so sorry for your husband though.
Take NO for an answer. He does not want to have anything to do with you. He is happy with his wife. He has asked you not to call or get in touch with him, yet you continue to do so. Stop it. He was honest with you from the beginning and told you he would NOT divorce his wife. What is the problem? There is nothing you can do. It was a fling, it’s over. He does not care how YOU feel about him. Move on with your own life as he has moved on with his.
u can’t get over him because your not facing reality. your not accepting it for what it is. u may need some therapy so u can get someone to help u sort this out. people who don;t face reality run the risk of becoming emotionally sick.
seems to me like this guy loves his wife and wants to make a go of things with her. that means that you are out (and quite frankly, you knew that this was a possibility when you started seeing a married man). the things that you’ve done are a sad, pathetic excuse to get him back. when will it be obvious to you that it isn’t working? it’s been almost two years and i think that it’s time to start moving on with your life. stop calling him. stop calling his wife. all that you are doing is torturing yourself and eventually you are going to find yourself on the wrong end of a restraining order (which will impact your life in a lot of ways that you can’t even imagine right now) or an angry wife at your doorstep brandishing a gun. this does not only happen in the movies.
concentrate on living strong, healthy, and confident. exercise more and eat better. make new friends and find new hobbies. this will help keep your mind off of contacting this guy. you can’t have a relationship if only one person wants it and this guy has told you in both word and deed that he wants nothing to do with you. you have to find a way to be okay with that.
The reason affairs are so enchanting is because they operate in a realm that is not real … a large part of what fuels the excitement is the fantasy element.
Once you told his wife, you brought the affair into the realm of reality. That would have had a very confronting impact, and his relationship with you went from being a deliciously seductive secret to something vile, shameful, deceitful, and dishonourable. At that point, it lost all appeal.
He enjoyed having sex with you, and said whatever was necessary to make that happen. However, he told you from the outset that he loved his wife and was not leaving her. And it’s almost two years since he told you that he doesn’t want to see you anymore and he doesn’t want you to call again. You’ve seen him with his wife, you acknowledge that they seem happy and loving together. Yet still you call!! This is very obsessive behaviour on your part, and most unbecoming. It comes across as clingy, irrational, and desperate. It won’t make him yearn to have you back, the most likely outcome is that if you really don’t stop they will report you and take out a restraining order against you.
You have to stop calling him. You had an affair with him for a year, but now it’s long over. You have to stop deluding yourself that there was anything more meaningful to it … there wasn’t. You mentioned that you were going to leave your husband for him … if you didn’t do that and you are still married, then it is time for you to start reinvesting in your marriage, and devoting more love, time, and energy to your husband. If your marriage is over now though, then you are going to need to reinvigorate your social life to distract yourself from endlessly thinking about this married man who is not yours. Don’t let your own life ebb away hung up on him. You can’t have him, and you must accept it. You can still rebuild a wonderful life for yourself though.
I know how you feel… I am in the same boat. I am not married but I did fall in love with a married man. My only advise to you is.. if you really love him and if he means so much to you, then let him go. It is clear that he wants his wife back and wants to work things out with her. I have put myself in your shoes and sort of hoping he tells me one day not to call him anymore, that way I can move on and I will understand. I know it’s hard, but if you really love him you will let him be happy. My married man does not know what to do; sometimes I think how could I take him back to his wife? we can’t be together and I love him so much that I don’t want him to be lost. I am a sinner I know and deserve any kind of comments. however; all I know is that half of me wants to take him back to his wife and the other half wants to keep him with me. I hope it gets to the point where he can tell me not to see him anymore.. I will do so.
I hope this helps…
I’m seeing a married man as well. But he told me from the beginning that he could never leave his wife, although he’s no longer in love with her. It was hard at times in the beginning, but once I really starting accepting that I could never really be with him legitimately, my feelings, or the intensity of such, starting waning. I still love him deeply, though, and that won’t go away for a long while. It seems, for now, that no one can compare; but I don’t NEED to be with him. We still see each other occasionally, but I’m looking to date others, even if it’s not for love. Also, I’m looking to relocate as I am so over the area I live in now, and some physical distance between us would be so good for me.
Good luck. Once you truly start to accept that this man is not yours to have, life will slowly start opening up new possibilities for you. Hopefully, ones that are healthier and offer more promise. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know it can be very difficult and heartwrenching. But remember, if a man really wanted to be with you, nothing would stop him. Really. And that doesn’t make you any less lovable. You’re not a bad person. This is just unhealthy bad behavior that serves you no good.