Comments on: Confused, hurt & upset? http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/ Sat, 11 Feb 2012 14:09:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: joyhamil44 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/comment-page-1/#comment-5880 joyhamil44 Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:39:48 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/#comment-5880 Insist he get some individual counseling and joint counseling also with you. He has problems. He needs professional help! At least he has started to admit he has some major problems, that is a start. No, you don't need to stay quiet. Staying quiet about an ongoing affair looks like you either don't care, or you condone the behavior. You need to let him know that you love him and that you are willing to support him in rebuilding, BUT, what hurts you and what you can and cannot live with. Make your needs known also. Draw your boundaries and make your requirements known. Resources A few good books: "Not Just Friends" by S. Glass “Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley “After the Affair” by Springs A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/ A few other helpful sites: http://www.dearpeggy.com/ http://marriagebuilders.com/ http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/ http://www.beyondaffairs.com/ http://peterfox.com.au/index.html A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma. http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/ http://survivinginfidelity.com/ An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created: http://www.aftertheaffair.net/ Some marriage weekend programs: http://www.retrouvaille.org/ http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html Insist he get some individual counseling and joint counseling also with you. He has problems. He needs professional help! At least he has started to admit he has some major problems, that is a start.

No, you don’t need to stay quiet. Staying quiet about an ongoing affair looks like you either don’t care, or you condone the behavior. You need to let him know that you love him and that you are willing to support him in rebuilding, BUT, what hurts you and what you can and cannot live with. Make your needs known also. Draw your boundaries and make your requirements known.

Resources
A few good books:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley
“After the Affair” by Springs

A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/

A few other helpful sites:
http://www.dearpeggy.com/
http://marriagebuilders.com/
http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
http://peterfox.com.au/index.html

A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
http://survivinginfidelity.com/

An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:
http://www.aftertheaffair.net/

Some marriage weekend programs:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html

]]> By: Max Headroom http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/comment-page-1/#comment-5881 Max Headroom Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:39:48 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/#comment-5881 Separation is never easy. It hurts worse than anything. You will not be yourself for a very long time, but I want you to concentrate on finding peace, for your own well being. You have to be selfish in this time, so that you can watch over yourself, because your emotions, psyche, and state of mind will be in complete disarray and chaos. Think back on the good times you both had, and concentrate on remembering them. This will help you move on. Don't blame yourself because someone else made several mistakes. He chose not to involve you in his feelings of being empty inside, and that was his choice, and now you both are reaping the consequences of that choice. If he is pushing you away and does not want to reconcile then there is nothing you can do to get back to the way things were before. You have to find a way to move on. It wont be easy, but you are a strong person, and I know you can get through it. Separation is never easy. It hurts worse than anything.

You will not be yourself for a very long time, but I want you to concentrate on finding peace, for your own well being.

You have to be selfish in this time, so that you can watch over yourself, because your emotions, psyche, and state of mind will be in complete disarray and chaos.

Think back on the good times you both had, and concentrate on remembering them. This will help you move on. Don’t blame yourself because someone else made several mistakes.

He chose not to involve you in his feelings of being empty inside, and that was his choice, and now you both are reaping the consequences of that choice.

If he is pushing you away and does not want to reconcile then there is nothing you can do to get back to the way things were before. You have to find a way to move on.

It wont be easy, but you are a strong person, and I know you can get through it.

]]> By: Weed http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/comment-page-1/#comment-5882 Weed Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:39:48 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/#comment-5882 sorry for what you are going through, but if he does not want to stay with you then let him go, sorry for what you are going through, but if he does not want to stay with you then let him go,

]]> By: amylicious_bean http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/comment-page-1/#comment-5883 amylicious_bean Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:39:48 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/#comment-5883 Now you know about this you should just try and make him smile, if that is how he feels, make him feel the way he did when you first fell in love, then his happiness will probably gradually return. Now you know about this you should just try and make him smile, if that is how he feels, make him feel the way he did when you first fell in love, then his happiness will probably gradually return.

]]> By: lumpy http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/comment-page-1/#comment-5884 lumpy Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:39:48 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/1583/confused-hurt-upset/#comment-5884 Hun, you can forgive, love and hope all you want but your hubby" smokes til he chokes".ain't no helpin that shit. Hun, you can forgive, love and hope all you want but your hubby" smokes til he chokes".ain’t no helpin that shit.

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