I’m in my 20’s but I feel really bad about leaving my mother, please read.?
Long story short (well, kind of); I lived at home until I was 23 so my mom and I had more time than most to bond. We are really close and we consider each other our best friend. I moved in with my b/f just 10 miles away in the next town over and was always there to talk to her or visit frequently. My b/f was an immigrant and there was a problem with his visa and he got sent back to his home country just before we were about to get married. I love him with all my heart so I moved to his country to be with him and I couldn’t imagine it any other way because I love him with all of my heart. We got married in his country and I am now living there. This was all early last year. I stayed about 6 months and needed to come back to the U.S. for personal reason and I have been here almost 5 1/2 months but I am leaving in a few weeks to permanently be with him.
The thing is, my mother has been with the same man for 18 years and he treats her horribly. Right after I came back we found out he was seeing another lady and he ended up moving in with her. He’s coming back and forth between the two now playing games with both of them. We live in a very small town and my mother doesn’t have many friends or any hope of finding someone else and truth be told I think she still wants him to come back. One reason is that she can’t financially support herself and my teenage brother that lives with her. She really has no one and I see her devestated that I am leaving although she understands that I have to in order to save my marriage. The man she is seeing (back and forth) is a horrible person and she’s constantly depressed because of his actions and my brother adds to that. He is disrespectful and out of control. He cusses her, calls her names, and really treats her like a piece of crap. I feel so bad leaving here there all alone but I realize I am an adult now and I have to get on with my life.
She’s on disability and has no job to occupy her time. She sits around everyday doing basically nothing and has started to drink more and more.
I don’t know what to do. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading such a long question!
I wish my mother would come with me. She’s not as open minded as I am about moving to a different country and she’s dead set on having my brother finish school where he is and not having to sell her house, etc.
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Tagged with: 18 years • adult • best friend • devestated • disability • heart • horrible person • Imagine • job • love • marriage • mom • Moving • Names • personal reason • piece of crap • playing games • teenage brother • truth • visa
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Unfortunately we can’t "fix" a parent’s problems (I’ve been there). You’ve obviously been through all the options to help your mother (her moving with you) and none work. You may be surprised to find out after you’ve left that your mother is doing just fine. Go to your husband and be happy, you’re mother’s failures are her own. I’m coming from experience here with my mother. Good Luck.
you need to report to family service. I seen this type of family problem and someone get kill. I think you should stay with your mom and let your husband know why. if he’s the understand type of person, he should be supporting you.
i can undertand what you are going through. but there isn’t much you can do. as your mom is hell bent on staying in her own house. otherwise things would have been easy.
i think she will cope with the situation. initially there will be a vaccum as you are not there . but she will manage. dont worry.
hmmmmmmm
you do know that you cannot help someone who wont help themselves dont you?
your mother has several options available to her and yet she wont take any of them, consider them, or even attemp to make things better for herself
she is using you as an emotional crutch, and whilst family should help each other, YOU are the only one chasing round here
sometimes, you just have to let go a little, and you going away is the chance for your mother to improve things for herself, i dont doubt when you go she will go downhill a little, we are all entitled to wallow a bit, but, then its up to her whether its make or break time
you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make them drink
you have a long life ahead of you and you cannot live it in your mothers shadow, its time for you to make a life of your own now, you can still be a friend and daughter to her, but you both need to live your own lives now
good luck
I can’t give too much advice here, but all I know is that you really need to live your life for yourself! Your mother chose her own path in life, and it is not up to you to solve her problems. All you can do is learn from her mistakes and make a better life for yourself.
Well, no she doesn’t want to leave. Nobody else would give her a free ride in life. God Bless the good ole US of A.
The purpose of a parent is to raise their children up to be good, honest and secure individuals. Your mother did the job required of her. You are emancipated into the world to do "your own thing" now. As you are married, you are to "leave your mother and father and cleave unto your husband" (Genesis 2:24)
This will make more sense when you have your own children.
In the mean time – she has chosen the path she most desires. Know that you have no real say over HER decisions and what she has most decided is to find ways to find pity for the circumstances she placed herself.
Set the boundary that holds yourself up to what you know is right for you. Do not let her suck you into her world of pain and anguish that she created for herself.
Just like you, you chose to make a relationship with someone that did not have everything figured out beforehand and in your shortsightedness and personal pride – you also, are reaping the consequences of your actions.
We are called into this world to "love one another". Where is that sitting with respect to your own mother?
The dichotomy of relationship is alive and well in your life.