I’m in my 20’s but I feel really bad about leaving my mother, please read.?
Long story short (well, kind of); I lived at home until I was 23 so my mom and I had more time than most to bond. We are really close and we consider each other our best friend. I moved in with my b/f just 10 miles away in the next town over and was always there to talk to her or visit frequently. My b/f was an immigrant and there was a problem with his visa and he got sent back to his home country just before we were about to get married. I love him with all my heart so I moved to his country to be with him and I couldn’t imagine it any other way because I love him with all of my heart. We got married in his country and I am now living there. This was all early last year. I stayed about 6 months and needed to come back to the U.S. for personal reason and I have been here almost 5 1/2 months but I am leaving in a few weeks to permanently be with him.
The thing is, my mother has been with the same man for 18 years and he treats her horribly. Right after I came back we found out he was seeing another lady and he ended up moving in with her. He’s coming back and forth between the two now playing games with both of them. We live in a very small town and my mother doesn’t have many friends or any hope of finding someone else and truth be told I think she still wants him to come back. One reason is that she can’t financially support herself and my teenage brother that lives with her. She really has no one and I see her devestated that I am leaving although she understands that I have to in order to save my marriage. The man she is seeing (back and forth) is a horrible person and she’s constantly depressed because of his actions and my brother adds to that. He is disrespectful and out of control. He cusses her, calls her names, and really treats her like a piece of crap. I feel so bad leaving here there all alone but I realize I am an adult now and I have to get on with my life.
She’s on disability and has no job to occupy her time. She sits around everyday doing basically nothing and has started to drink more and more.
I don’t know what to do. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading such a long question!
I wish my mother would come with me. She’s not as open minded as I am about moving to a different country and she’s dead set on having my brother finish school where he is and not having to sell her house, etc.
Related Posts - O.K. I'm having relationship issues? So over the past few months my boyfriend and I have been arguing a lot. Mainly it's b/c we're talking about buying a house together (no comments on you should wait to get married..it's an investment and he's a partner) and trying to get our credit scores up by paying......
- can marriage save him from deportation? My boyfriend has an expired visa. It's been expired for 5 years now. His mom didn't renew his visa and didn't work his papers that's why he is having a lot of trouble. We don't want him deported. And we want that his status would be legal. Would marrying him......
- Please anyone help me with my Marriage and my life... REALLY long but I think its worth it.? Ok this is going to be kinda long so please bare with me.. My husband and I have been having problems for awhile. There were somethings he lied about in the past and we were working through them. Then about 3 months ago he started going out every Saterday with......
- sex therapy=last chance to save marriage, but:? sex therapy is the last chance i have to save my marriage but i don't even feel like going. how can you expect to save a marriage when you are not even attracted to the person? we have zero chemistry & sadly, i can't even remember why i was attracted......
- How To Recover From a Broken Heart? Is it possible to recover from a broken heart it and start feeling good again? This guy I was engaged with for some time really rocked my world. We had a lot in common and we did really fit perfectly. However, when our engagement was a couple of months old,......
- Here is a segment from my book, what do you think? I was in school scarcely a week when at 2:30 am, my father announces that he is flying to California and divorcing my mother. My mother starts having a breakdown, and instead of staying with my mother, I don’t know why, I leave with my dad along with my little......
- Should I leave cheating husband for my ex that still love me? or try to save marriage with no children involve I caught my husband a couple times cheating and he always pressure me not to leave him, but I do not have any trust anymore. We do not have any children. Now my ex that i was with for 5 years is still in love with me, he has been......
- Problems In Marriage – Obvious Signs Your Husband Wants A Divorce Now, you are suspecting your husband is having an affair outside and are neglect family matters altogether. And all these signs are signs that your husband maybe wanting a divorce. But you are not sure of it. You have try asking your girlfriend about what are the signs of a......
- John Wayne Memorabilia Collection If you are a fan of John Wayne, and looking to start a John Wayne memorabilia collection, keep reading. John Wayne memorabilia collections have always been a popular subject, but ever since his 100th birthday was celebrated on May 26 of 2007, the concept of beginning a John Wayne memorabilia......
- I'm engaged but am attracted to a coworker - what do I do? M asks: Temptation when engaged How do I avoid temptation? Do I quit my job? I have a good fiance. He drives me crazy but at the most I love him. There is a guy I work with that I am very attracted to. When I was single he was......
- Gulbis First Latvian to Win in ATP Ernests Gulbis defeated Ivo Karlovic on Sunday at the Delray Beach International Championships at Delray Beach, FL, on Sunday, making him the first Latvian to win a title on the ATP tour. Ivo Karlovic from Croatia, ranked at #33, was second seed and lost 6-2, 6-3 on his 31st......
- What You See Is What You Get.. Today I was inspired by a post from To Love Honor and Vacuum. Every Wednesday is wifey Wednesday (yes I know it's Friday) but this week the question was brought up "what I wish I had known before I was married". This got me thinking...so here is something that I......
- Weekly Mashup, April 19th This past week had a lot of action going on. This week you can find me in 4 different carnivals: Money NING hosted the Carnival of Personal Finance and included my article on Graduating Without Debt. Stretchy Dollar hosted the Festival of Frugality and included my article Glass Door :......
- Running Out of Time? How to Catch Up Financially Before it is Too Late Whether you are pushing thirty and trying to get your first home or your retirement is staring you in the face, there are times when you may feel as though you’ve run out of time financially. We don’t always make the best decisions when it comes to saving money and......
Tagged with: 18 years • adult • best friend • devestated • disability • heart • horrible person • Imagine • job • love • marriage • mom • Moving • Names • personal reason • piece of crap • playing games • teenage brother • truth • visa
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
Unfortunately we can’t "fix" a parent’s problems (I’ve been there). You’ve obviously been through all the options to help your mother (her moving with you) and none work. You may be surprised to find out after you’ve left that your mother is doing just fine. Go to your husband and be happy, you’re mother’s failures are her own. I’m coming from experience here with my mother. Good Luck.
you need to report to family service. I seen this type of family problem and someone get kill. I think you should stay with your mom and let your husband know why. if he’s the understand type of person, he should be supporting you.
i can undertand what you are going through. but there isn’t much you can do. as your mom is hell bent on staying in her own house. otherwise things would have been easy.
i think she will cope with the situation. initially there will be a vaccum as you are not there . but she will manage. dont worry.
hmmmmmmm
you do know that you cannot help someone who wont help themselves dont you?
your mother has several options available to her and yet she wont take any of them, consider them, or even attemp to make things better for herself
she is using you as an emotional crutch, and whilst family should help each other, YOU are the only one chasing round here
sometimes, you just have to let go a little, and you going away is the chance for your mother to improve things for herself, i dont doubt when you go she will go downhill a little, we are all entitled to wallow a bit, but, then its up to her whether its make or break time
you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make them drink
you have a long life ahead of you and you cannot live it in your mothers shadow, its time for you to make a life of your own now, you can still be a friend and daughter to her, but you both need to live your own lives now
good luck
I can’t give too much advice here, but all I know is that you really need to live your life for yourself! Your mother chose her own path in life, and it is not up to you to solve her problems. All you can do is learn from her mistakes and make a better life for yourself.
Well, no she doesn’t want to leave. Nobody else would give her a free ride in life. God Bless the good ole US of A.
The purpose of a parent is to raise their children up to be good, honest and secure individuals. Your mother did the job required of her. You are emancipated into the world to do "your own thing" now. As you are married, you are to "leave your mother and father and cleave unto your husband" (Genesis 2:24)
This will make more sense when you have your own children.
In the mean time – she has chosen the path she most desires. Know that you have no real say over HER decisions and what she has most decided is to find ways to find pity for the circumstances she placed herself.
Set the boundary that holds yourself up to what you know is right for you. Do not let her suck you into her world of pain and anguish that she created for herself.
Just like you, you chose to make a relationship with someone that did not have everything figured out beforehand and in your shortsightedness and personal pride – you also, are reaping the consequences of your actions.
We are called into this world to "love one another". Where is that sitting with respect to your own mother?
The dichotomy of relationship is alive and well in your life.