I had an affair. How do I save my marriage?
I have been married for just over 9 years. No kids. My wife recently found out about my four month affair with another married woman. It was mainly texts and about 6 face to face encounters. We only had sex once. But that was once too many, I admit. I love my wife with all my heart and don’t even think of the woman who I had the affair with. My wife says she wants a divorce and is tired of my accusations and criticizing her of having relationships with her guy friends. She says she’s been unhappy the last 2 years. Now this. I have apologized to her, the one I had the affair with, and the the husband of the one I had the affair with. I believe I have done the first step in realizing that I want to save my marriage. Second I have apologized and continuously do on somewhat of a continuous basis as our conversations have been just text since I’m away from home for work, overseas, for another 2 weeks. She says I would do it again if we stayed together but I assured her, that I would not. She has told me it’s over and to quit communication w/ her and to leave her alone. Not sure if she’s talked to an attorney yet or not.I love her with all my heart and don’t know what else to do or say. I don’t want to buy her anything fancy as she’ll think I’m trying to buy her back. I’ve come to a fork in the road and don’t know what direction to go to from here. I don’t know if I should give her time to be alone the next 2 weeks or so, or continue communication via texts but it has ended in "leave me alone" after every short conversation in the last week. Thanks for your time and advice.
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Tagged with: accusations • continuous basis • conversations • divorce • fork in the road • guy friends • heart • love • marriage • married woman • relationships • Sex • texts • thanks for your time
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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its over.. once a cheater always a cheater, and how can you love somebody and cheat on them… and if shes been unhappy, then the best thing for the both of you is to just get divorced
Counselling and a lot of forgiveness.
It’s over. Your affair was just you acting out of being in a dead marriage. Your wife said she has been unhappy the last two years. The only thing you could try is a trial separation. If after 6 months there is no reconciliation then you have your answer of whether you can save the marriage.
I saw a movie once where a man cheated on his fiance. His fiance found out, and he sat in front of her door (where she lived) for days trying to prove he was sorry. Try that.
i am on your wife’s side.
I would rather be with someone i trust but don’t love than be with someone i love but don’t trust
This is what happens when you are an untrustworthy scumbag. The only thing you can do is try as ask if there is anything you can do to get back together, but it seems like she sending out clear signals that it’s over. Good for her.
Stay home, don’t have a life outside of your wife and devote every waking minute to her. Let her know you made a mistake. I’m sure after doing it for about 2 years she’ll maybe trust you again.
If I were married to you, I’d change the locks and it would be over. Oh and you’d get a nice letter from my attorney explaining how much I want in alimony every month
I agree with CK, Leave he alone.
You made a mistake, and now you have to live with the consequences. She has every right to feel hurt and betrayed. I think you need to give her time alone. Prove to her that you can do what she asks you to do. When you get back home you need to sit down and talk. Suggest that you guys try couples therapy. She is still in the heat of the moment right now and will not listen to reason.
Let her cool off. Do not send her any more messages, texts,emails nothing. Let things "simmer down" until you get home. She might be more willing to talk when she has thought things through. Women need to be heard. Show her that you have listened. She asked you to stop contacting her so stop. I know it will be hard. It is really for the best.
You also might want to rethink about how much you "truly do love her" as you did cheat. You committed the alt-emit betrayal. It wasn’t even a one night stand, but four months of deceit. I am not saying this to throw it in your face. I am trying to show you where a women’s mind goes.
Give her time to gather her thoughts. When you return home you need to sit down with her. Have a heart to heart to see what step will come next.
Good luck man…
Lol, u say u want to save ur marriage but at this crucial time you are "away for work". Well, if your work is more important than ur marriage, then u dont deserve her forgiveness.
Would you forgive ur wife had u been in her place?????the fact that u had sex "just once:" shows u dun regret it much n its not a big deal for you…u have brokem her trust…and trust once broken is very difficult to get back.,,.!!try ur best to get her back..apologise to her and never cheat on her again..however if she i snt happy being with u..then just leave her alone..atleast she wl stay peacefully!!!
I have to agree with your wife, first off if you love your wife like you say you do then you had no reason to cheat, there was no reason for you to stray, if you was happy in your marriage why did you cheat? was it because you was bored? she will never trust you again I don’t care how many times you say you’re sorry or how many times you say it will never happen again, you broke the trust bond between you two and that is the hardest thing to fix, the way your wife sees it is once a cheater always a cheater, all it takes is one time to ruin a marriage and you ruined your marriage, all I can say is be patient she might forgive some day, but not right now, you hurt her, and she can not forgive you, I know this is not what you wanted to hear but it’s the truth, it’s going to take a long time for her to stop hurting, so all I can say is let it go, and like I said before, she might find it in her heart to forgive you a long time down the road so if you’re willing to wait then go for it if not, go on with your life… I’d say good luck but I don’t think you deserve it.
If you actually DID love your wife with all your heart, you wouldn’t have cheated on her.
Let your wife divorce you, she deserves a man who can be faithful…and that is NOT you. Suck it up and deal with the consequences of your foolish actions. Sucks to be you.
How many times are you going to ask the same question?
YOU messed up ! Get a divorce she deserves someone better than you !!
GIVE HER TIME AND BE AN OPEN BOOK WHENS SHES READY TO TALK SHE IS HURT SO BAD RIGHT NOW ITS UNREAL U TOOK AWAY HER SECURITY AND TRUST AND I KNOW FORM EXPERINCE AHE IS JUST NUMB RIGHT NOW U HAVE HER THINKING ALL KINDS OF THINGS SHE IS NOW QUESTIONING HERSELF WONDERING IF SHES TO FAT TO SKINNY TO OLD U HAVE HER WONDERING WHY SHES NOT GOOD ENUFF FOR U DAM U FOR WHAT U DID TO HER IT HURTS LIKE HELL BUT BACK OFF GIVE HER TIME ITS HER BALL PARK NOW JUST REASSURE HER U WILL NEVER HURT HER AGAIN AND IF U REALLY LOVE HER DONT U EVER DO IT AGAIN U HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF YOU GOOD LUCK BUT REMBER TO PUT UR WIFE FIRST