How to get my wife to fall in love with me again….?
Ok, my wife and i have been together since 4-11-2007. We dated for three months before moving in with each other. Our relationship was great. We had sex three to four times a day. She got pregnant in August but later miscarried in September. We were both overwhelmed by grief that we decided to try again. By, November 26th she was pregnant again. We got married June 27, 2008 at a local court house. She gave birth on August 14, 2008 to our daughter Daisy.The last time we got together was November 12, 2008 and, unfortunately, her scaring made it very uncomfortable and no she associates sex with that pain. We did have a minor get together on Valentines Day, but that was only oral given by me, no receiving. Ever since then I have been put on the back burner so to speak. She has zero interest in me now and has recently told me that she loves me but is not in love with me. She says I act to childish and sees me as her child more than her husband or lover. I need help with this one. I love my wife dearly and don’t want to lose her any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
I have tried to set up times for us to be together. She’s in the mode where she doesn’t want to be away from our baby any more than she has to. I am 23 and she is 27.
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Tagged with: court house • daughter daisy • Fall In Love • grief • june 27 • last time • local court • love • Pregnant • relationship • three months • zero interest
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Couples counseling! Seriously, your wife have some issues associated with that pain association and her pushing you away may be directly linked to that. It’s much easier to avoid someone you see as childish then to realize you should be treating them as a husband. Counseling is such a great way to talk about things that would usually be uncomfortable, but having a third party who isn’t biased or that doesn’t take sides is so refreshing!
ACT MORE MATURE. If she’s telling you that you act childish, she’s probably right. You have a kid now, so no matter how old you are, you have to grow up (it’s a choice you made). I fit hurts her, ask her to go to a doctor and see if something is up, or, if that’s just an excuse that she’s using, set up a romantic night for her. Chances are, she’s overwhelmed by the child, so you should get a babysitter, and have a romantic night. Take her out to dinner, and then get a hotel suite and have champagne in the room. How old are you by the way? Your spelling is terrible.
Hi there.
You sound like a really nice guy, I feel bad for what you’re going through.
However, and this is just in my honest opinion, it seems it was all done the wrong way since the beginning. There are exceptions to this of course, but it sounds like you two really rushed into things. You moved in together and started your life only 3 months after your started dating. 3 months is nowhere enough time to actually get to know a person. Most people will tell you it’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. And it’s true, some couples go through more stuff in a year than others do in a lifetime. However, a 3 month relationship is NOT the case.
I don’t want to sound like you don’t have a chance of making it better, because maybe you do. And I am sure if your wife says she loves you, she probably does. But if she is not IN LOVE with you… You have to think about the possibility that maybe she never was, and it would be okay. Even if you both thought you were in love, 3 months is nothing, the very beginning is the best part of every relationship, it would make anyone think they are madly in love.
She is coming to realize this, but now there’s a child, a family, involved and it makes everything harder. It also makes everything worth fighting for. So don’t give up, try to make it work. But don’t force it and if it gets to the point where you both have to admit that you made a mistake… It will be hard, but you will have to move on.
Hmmmmmmm – well, the best advice I could give you would be to get to the Sterling Men’s Weekend.
However, in case that is difficult, let me remind you of a couple of things.
A man needs to be totally self sufficient, not relying on your wife for anything (including sex).
The best way to get sex is to not want it (I am serious). I have a friend who did the weekend and he went for 13 months without sex after his wife had their third child, you know what he said: "No problem."
Show her you care without any sex involved, touch her shoulder, give her a hug, stroke her hair. If she tiredly asks you if you’re begging for sex just tell her no – you just love her.
If she does offer you sex, turn her down.
When she communicates with you she’s typically telling the truth about how she feels. Why does she think you’re a child? Are you emotionally dependent on her? Physically? You need to change this very very quickly.
Take care of stuff, clean up, clean the garage, get the cars serviced, take out the trash, clean the kitty litter, do the laundry, do the dishes, fold and put away the clothes. Relieve her of the burden of having to care for the house and the child. OWN IT!
How you show up now will determine the fate of your marriage. She gave you an ultimatum! It’s time to step up to the plate. She doesn’t need you!
be nice be yourself is she don’t like that divorce and stay single
Well my husband and I had like a 4 year rough patch in the beginning of our marriage. There are a few things you can try doing that really worked for us. Fun marriage things are a good start like "Laugh your way to a better marriage" Here’s a link to the actual dvd.
http://shopping.laughyourway.com/laugh-your-way-seminar-dvd?utm_campaign=homeproducts&utm_source=lyw&utm_medium=web&utm_content=lywdvd
It’s a hilarious dvd!!! Maybe you can find it at a library or on amazon. You’ll laugh the whole time and it makes getting back on track a little easier when it’s funny and not so serious. I found it totally worth the money!
Also, you should rent the movie Fireproof. AWESOME movie. It really changed things for my husband and me. Really! There’s even a book that goes with it that will give you tips to make your wife fall in love with you all over again!
Another thought – do either of you have any religious background? My husband and I grew up that way but really lost track of ourselves in the early years of marriage. Finding a church together that we both liked and being involved in something together really brought us closer together.
And a councilor might help too. They really don’t DO anything, but it’s like a check point. When my husband and I knew we had a time every two weeks to let it all out to an unbiased person, it made our arguments less frequent and less intense. And any argument we had never lasted more than two weeks because we had to talk it out at that appointment, you know. Before we’d be mad at each other for months!
I hope that my advice helps. Don’t give up!
The two of you are through unless she’s honestly interested in keeping the marriage alive. Frankly, it sounds like she played you. The remark about loving you but not being in love with you is bullshlt…it only sounds like it ought to have some meaning.
I’ve years of experience providing couples counseling – and sadly, her attitude is not at all uncommon.
You will have to be straight up with her: tell her you really want the marriage to succeed, but that it’s going to take hard work on the part of both of you. Ask her to go to couples counseling. If she balks, or gives you some bullshit about "counseling never works", you’ll know beyond a shadow of doubt about the future of the marriage…good luck: that’s always a difficult and uncomfortable thing to have to deal with.
inmy experience,if she says she is not in love with you anymore then its really over. you have stronger feelings for her than she has for you and in the long run it will not be fair to either one of you.
after you have a child things change! and we (women) do get overwhelmed!! having a baby is a huge responsibility if she is telling you to mature is because she needs you now more then ever!! take care of your daughter Daisy for a whole day let her get pampered and relax and see what happens. don’t ask her tell her!!