How to handle a husband like this?
My husband has a huge problem of always making excuses and expecting to always be fogiven. Usually there small things but when it happens all the time its starting to make him unreliable. How many times should I forgive his mistakes? "He’s very faithful never cheated and never will" I have to ask him to do this several times before it gets done. He always forgets things. He’s horrible at deadlines "never meets deadlines or pays bills on time". I feel like his mother, and he always gets mad at me because he says i’m controlling. I’ve told him over and over, if he wants me to quit being controlling then he needs to take the intiative to get things done so I’m not always reminding him. My husband always makes bad decisions. Right before my husband and I started dating he had a drunken one night stand with a woman and got her pregnant. now he doesn’t even see the child, he again acts like if he forgets about it that it doesn’t exsist. my husband lives his life making excuses for everything big or small. how to i make my husband start owning up to his mistakes, take intiative to handle his problems, and to quit forgetting things. also how to i get my husband to understand why I always act like the leader in our marriage and why I’m controlling. i dont want to me the leader in my marriage, i would love for us to handle things 50/50, but it always ends up as me fufilling my 50, and him "forgetting about his 50".
I really want to fix this problem without divorce. I strongly don’t believe in divorce unless cheating is involved
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Tagged with: bad decisions • divorce • intiative • marriage • night stand • several times
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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you should have noticed this before you got married……
only option to keep the marriage…. COUNSELING.
he’s gotten away with it this long he probably won’t change. you got your work cut out for you!
You can’t make someone change to suit you, only they can do that……….and you knew what he was like before you married him, it will only get worse, not better…………..as you say you are not his mother, so stop acting like you are, you are either equal and equally responsible or get the hell out and make him stand on his own feet………….bet he goes back to mummy!
Been here done this minus the baby with another woman. I wouldn’t have married him just because child support and another woman would not be apart of my new marriage.
Now then the leader of the marriage and 50/50: First a marriage is never 50/50. I believe in a good marriage it titter tatters, which is still equal in the end. Maybe ones gives a little more, but when its so minuscule who’s keeping record?
Stop reminding him and let his world fall down around him. Except for the bills. Pay the bills, it’s not that hard these days. A few clicks on the computer or a few envelope licking. Same exact thing happened to me and when my husband came to me and had the nerve to ask me "Why didn’t you remind me?" I merely answered as sweetly as I could "I did as you asked, I stopped being controlling."
As much as he complains about you being controlling he now expects you to be his alarm clock and calender. Just stop as hard as it may be.
Best wishes
have a serious conversation about how you feel. Maybe there is an excuse for his behavior if not then he just doesn’t care and is used to been taken care of all the time. Seek counseling if possible.
I asked a question similar to this. youll get some rude answers. people on here are straight as*holes. They also obviously don’t believe people change after they get married, in their reality that is just not allowed. Call him out on it. I have the same problem, I fell into the mommy role. I basically told my husband if he loves me enoughm he will start pulling his fair share. Because if not, I don’t need him around because I was doing everything myself anyway. Yeah, it was an empty threat, but if I had to I woulda carried through on it. You know yourself and him best, if he is one that takes to threats, do it. Or constructive criticism, do it. You’ll figure it out.
He won’t change until HE decides to change. There is really nothing you can do except, as unfair as it seems, take over his 50% too. It happens to the best of us and we learn to live with it. I know how you feel, and, unfortunately it doesn’t get any better. I do everything. Work, cook, clean, laundry, take care of kids, etc. He just sits and says he is "stressed out." Blah! My hubby also likes the old saying, "Better to ask for forgiveness than permission." I have learned to deal with it for now, and eventually I will probably get tired of his junk and move on. You will learn that you are much more independent than you thought and you can do it all on your own! Good luck and God bless!
make sure you pay the bills. dont give him duties like he is a teenager. if he works steady let it be. dont throw his mistakes in his face, hes grown immune. act like a friend.
don’t be concerned about that child of his, it’s not your responsibility, i would never even mention it.
He is either extremely forgetful, extremely lazy, extremely smart, or extremely stupid. He’s most likely lazy or smart. Because if he was forgetful reminding him would probably work. If he was extremely stupid it would show in all aspects of your life and you don’t seem like the type of person whowould have married him if. However if he’s smart and knows he can get away with whatever it is and you will put up with it then he has no reason to change. I don’t know how forceful you have been with your expression of your feelings but I suggest you sit him down and have a serious, no distractions conversation. Try writing down your feelings and make sure he understands. If that doesn’t work then the next step is counseling. If he cares about you he will get the point by then. If not then you have to think about your happiness without him. Hope this helps
Unfortunately, your husband is your husband. As his wife you have need to support him and be strong where he is weak. Although, you didn’t state many positives about him, I’m sure they exist which is why you stay with him.
I have to tell you, if your husband feels you are controlling…explaining to him why you are isn’t going to make it better. What you’re going to have to do is allow him to GIVE you control over the things he forgets. If you know your husband forgets to pay the bills, then ASK him can you handle that in order to take the stress off of him, because you know he has a lot going on & ask if he’ll just give you the money needed for the bills (assuming you don’t have a joint checking account). That solves the problem of the bills not getting paid.
As far as your husband having another child before you were married…let him deal with that in his own way. Don’t judge him, because it’s a tough position to be in. He has to pay for his mistake, and it’s hard paying that price with your woman over you judging you.
As far as your husband making excuses…there really isn’t much you can do about it. That’s his personality. You have to accept that the man you are married to is unreliable, and you have to know what you can and can not trust him with.
good luck