How to fall in love with hubby all over again?
Here’s my dilemma: Married to hubby for 3 years, together for 13 years. We met with I was 17 and he was 18, during our freshman year at college. We both had minuscule relationship experience. We are now 31 and 32 years old, with an almost 3 year old, and I am 6 weeks pregnant with baby #2.
My question is: How do I fall in love with my husband all over again? Because I am BORED out of my mind! First, I have to take responsibility for my own actions: not putting enough time and attention into the relationship. It takes 2 to make a marriage work. But I am BORED. Since we became Mommy and Daddy, it became all about our son (which my hubby complained about; he felt left out). And over the years since we’ve become parents, we now live more like roommates.
I find myself easily annoyed with things he does, with the way he doesn’t take care of his body, with the fact that he has no hobbies or interests or friends, with a lot of things. I have even gone so far as to become interested in other men. Wrong, I know.
I want to get on the right track again in my marriage, so how to learn to get rid of some of this boredom and learn to love my hubby again? How do I learn to find him desirable again? How do I learn to WANT to be with him?
We will soon have 2 children, and I don’t want to rip up our family. But I also don’t want to be 50 years old, wondering why I spent so much time with a man that may not have been the right match for me, or feel that I missed out on more compatible, more exciting men.
Any advice?
P.S. Please, no name-calling, or bashing. I just want helpful advice here…..Thanks!
Edited to Add:
Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I agree that we need to move TOWARDS each other instead of AWAY from each other. It’s been too easy to move away from each other, as if the other is some permanent fixture in the room. I am going to do the following: For 2 weeks, I am going to show him undivided attention….love…companionship….NO NAGGING (hard to do!)…..plentiful kissing… a couple dates….and see where it goes.
Yes, we probably should have dated around at 17…hell….even at 25! But we didn’t. And the person that said 31 and with kids is too old to be wondering about that now–you’re absolutely right.
Instead of thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence……I’m going to take down the fence 
Or, at least, try to!
Note to Guy bein’ a Guy: Wow, thanks for the kick in the ass I needed. You’re right, I have forgottetn how to be a wife and a lover. I went from LOVER to MOTHER, without wondering that would make my hubby feel. I have shut him out, and as a result, he’s only reacting to ME. I agree that I can’t complain if I am not doing all that I can do to make the relationship better, more exciting. It takes 2 to make it work. Instead of complaining, I’m going to be the instigator of good healthy relationship habits, and see just how far it takes me.
THANKS!!!
P.S. Yes, I am a pain in the butt at times 
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Tagged with: 13 years • 3 years • boredom • companionship • dilemma • Fall In Love • freshman year • hobbies • how to fall in love • hubby • kissi • love • marriage • marriage work • match • Mommy • mommy and daddy • parents • relationship experience • roommates • undivided attention
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Seriously, with two very small children (well, one on the way!) the time you two have GROWN USED to doesn’t exist anymore and won’t until those kids are much older.
Welcome to parenthood.
That is one of the drawbacks to waiting until 30 or so to have kids and start a family….the longer you have all that adult freedom, the HARDER it is to give up.
Probably not what you wanted to hear, but it is the truth, you are LIVING it, so you know its true!
From a man’s point of view, here are some suggestions:
1. move toward him, not away from him. this includes in bed, in the kitchen, outside in the yard, etc. if you are consciously moving towards vs. away, it’s a mental exercise.
2. ask him questions. don’t expect he’s going to entertain you, or come on to you. he’s tired of doing that. he would like to talk with you but he’s unsure what to say. ask him questions.
3. kiss him at least once a week. again, mental exercise.
4. try try try to focus on anything about him that you do like
5. tell him that you won’t reject any sexual advances he may make in the next month. give him a free pass. see what happens.
EDIT – Do NOT do what Lynn P says below about "let him wine and dine you". This is what I am saying in #2 above. This is ANNOYING to think that you are going to "let him" entertain you. Marriage is not about one person entertaining the other. He is tired of that. He wants a companion. Treat him like a friend, and put in equal effort. Why don’t you wine and dine HIM.
EDIT 2 – Katherine J is exactly right, probably too right; it’s a perfect answer. I’d settle for half of what she’s saying. Obviously she learned from a past mistake… but anyways, she learned. Lucky the new guy.
EDIT 3 – Guy being a Guy is also so right I’m falling over and busting out laughing. He’s saying it so directly that it’s embarrassing that he has to tell you. It’s so obvious and so simple, yet how many women will do just as you are doing (or worse) because they can’t come to terms.
***Thank you for asking this good question, and for caring enough to ask*** Good luck.
Get some marriage counseling now, honey. Trust me. It will automatically put the emphasis back onto the marriage. Put the necessary work and time into the marriage and you can’t fail. And always always remember…grass is NOT greener on the other side. You have no idea what divorce can do to you, your children, him, both of your extended families. It’s not an easy option because you feel you missed on on exciting men that don’t even exist. Maybe you should have stayed single and dated when you were 17. Because at 31, with two kids, it’s not time to wonder about it.
Sounds to me that you are both stuck in a rut. You both need to take up your own interests and hobbies and spend time apart, which will give you something to talk about to each other. Also if you spend too much time together of course he will drive you mad.
What about going out on dates and letting him wine and dine you? get a babysitter and get him to take you to the movies or out for a meal and just spend some quality time together as a couple rather than parents.
You have been together too long to throw it away but you are both that used to each other you take each other for granted and dont make the effort any more. Tell him how you feel and hopefully he will agree with you and try harder.
good luck
One thing that has always worked for me is the old advice -
"Fake it ’til you make it."
That is, act like you’re where you want to be with him and you’ll get there.
Make sure you kiss him at least daily – preferably when he leaves home and when he comes home. Compliment him when he does things the way you like – if he takes a shower and he smells good, tell him so. Do little romantic things for him, even if you’re not feeling all that romantic. Make time for just the two of you, when possible.
Think about the times when you feel most in love with your husband – even if those times haven’t happened in a long time. Try to remember the things you love about him and think about those things, often. Look for the good in him and he’ll see the good in you…your hard work will be rewarded.
Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the idea that a different man would be better. Remember the things that brought you to your husband and made you decide to marry him.
The internet is full of ideas for little things to do to make him feel special and loved.
Go for it!
How typical.
You have a kid and you are now a mommy.
Unfortunately you also forgot to be a wife and lover as well.
And yet this is somehow HIS problem.
The problem you have is between your ears.
You shut him out and are asking yourself why he is not in your thoughts.
Its time to cut the crap and decide that you do or do don’t want to be with him. All of this is because you made decisions and are now questioning your own decisions.
What’s up with that?
More compatible? More exciting?
What a pain in the butt you must be.
How do you suppose you will will find another more compatable more exciting guy when you have no clue what you want.