i love my husband but im not in love with him anymore. how do i make myself fall for him again?
i really love my husband and we have been married 2 years. but for the last 10 months i just dont feel that spark and i dont know how to get it back. i want to feel the butterflies again. i started feeling different about him around the time that i got pregnant. our daughter is now 2 months old. what do i do to get the butterflies back?
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Tagged with: 10 months • butterflies • love
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Try doing stuffs that you guys did before you got pregnant. It may because there were times that you didn’t feel enough support / love from him when you were pregnant. It may also due to the psychological and emotional effects of pregnancy. Tell him that you want to get back to the things you guys did before your pregnancy. But don’t tell him you’ve fallen out of love, it’ll be very hurting and make him insecure, or he’ll find love outside =)
Take care =)
Read: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.
It will change your life.
it will pass. i believe many women feel this way during or after pregnancy. could be post pardomn depression.
You need to sit down and talk to him. Maybe he feels the same way. Try going on a nice vacation, either together, or separate. Maybe you’re around each other too much.
try flirting
hav dinner dated, dancing, movies
just try to remember how u guys were when u were dating
do something new
when you find out, please let me know………
I actually have heard that this is very common during and after pregnancies. Give it time…
Also, sometimes you just have to keep your sex life exciting – even if it feels like you’re faking it. The more intimate, positive, good-feeling moments you have together, the more of a chance you’ll become attracted to him again.
I think it’s probably just that post partum thing. It takes up to a year to get those feelings back from what I remember. Just be easy on each other. Good luck.
You probably wont. I hate to say this but this is the life of love. You dont ALWAYS feel that way, some days u wont feel it at all…but try thinking about yourself without him…if u can imagine that, maybe you really did fall out of love with him…If you aren’t have ANY of those feelings anymore I would take some "me time" and try to sort through your feeling before u wind up hurting more than just yourself.
You cant make yourself fall back in love but may I suggest a getaway or some alone time with your husband…maybe open communication too
I dunno. I don’t believe I’ve ever been in love with my wife. In your case, it’s probably the pregnancy and resulting birth of your baby that’s maybe affected you hormonally. But, sadly, I can’t use that excuse…
You have been on overload. New Marriage and soon after a newborn. This is quite normal and expected. The love is there however you need to set aside time with your husband and nuture that LOVE.
Don’t worry what you are going through is sooooooooooo normal. It doesn’t matter who you are with, over time the spark and the butterflies go south and you are left wondering if there is something wrong with you. Relax! This is the great part of the relationship where you are comfortable with each other and are growing into a very deep and satisfying friendship. A new baby also saps the energy and kicks the libido to the curb, but the energy and sex drive do come back with time. Make sure you and your hubby have some together time each week, even if it’s just sitting in front of the TV together cuddling or with your head in his lap. Sparks and butterflies come and go. A deep connection that lasts through thick and thin…that’s special and it sounds like that’s what you are working towards.
Love is actually a kind of feeling towards someone you like. You can’t get back the feeling for him as easy as before. But you can
also try to remember those happy times you had with him. One last thing, don’t try force yourself to love him for the sake of your unborn daughter, that would hurt both of you.
Do some self reflecting. Take the time out to try and remember what originally made you guys fall in love. If you can’t then try dedicating yourself for a short while to fill his ever need(not intended sexually but if that the case then go for it.) You’ve got nothing to lose but a little time. Just keep in mind that this man does love you too and can appreciate you more than anyone else.
me and my hubby have been together 10 years and i never got the butterflies back…..we also have a child, but what did help us was some excitment in the bedroom,, go to a sex store together and pick some things out and have fun while your child is asleep(alone time) and make it fun…shower together , try and do the things you did b4 you were married and dating with those butterflies in your belly..it was a whole new experience for us and we cant leave each other alone when it comes to sex!! 2 years is not a long time to lose that feeling but when you have a child things change,,i dont know whythey just do! good luck and crazy fun!!!!!
maybe you got child blues. ask yourself what made you fall in love in the first place. if you love him trully it will just come back. you sound like you are bored with yourself!
As long as you love him thats good enough.
your love should now be focused to your baby.
Just in case you are starting an affair. stop it. if you don’t want your child to become a bitch!
Sad to say how many people that happens to. But it does happen, they say that’s when the honeymoon is over. Now is the time you need to start working at your marriage. You will learn to appreciate each other in different ways, besides the physical attraction. That is still nice and you will need to go on dates to keep the romance alive, but the baby has taken up more time lately. You will need to schedule alone time so you can be intimate and find little moments to just remind each other how much you love one another.
You don’t need to have that spark to be in love. The newness has worn-off, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love him. Sit down and think of the reasons you love him. Make a list if that helps you. Think of all the reasons that you are lucky to have found eachother. Sometimes you have to make an effort to remember how much you love someone. That’s not a reflection of them- it’s just a result of being distracted by life and not having a chance to really reflect on how you feel about them.
Rediscover what it was about him that gave you the butterflies in the first place. Life changes when children enter the equation and its easy to forget what brought you together in the first place when you are making bottles at 3am and he is snoring away. The fatigue of caring for a newborn, post-partum depression (mild or severe), and lack of adequate support from our spouse can quickly douse the spark as we begin to wonder if we havent made a huge mistake.
Take time out for yourselves, find a couples group that does dinners out (or rotates dining at each others homes), have the minister/pastor/reverend/rabbi/priest over for dinner one evening and pick their brain on how to deal with bumps in the road of married life.
There are a wealth of resources surrounding you and to aid in your success as a couple.
I don’t think there’s any one answer to this question. I think you’re probably still ‘in love’ with your husband, just not feeling the spark (which is perfectly natural).
Some couple find that going out on dates again (whne you can find a babysitter) bring the spark back, especially if you go to places you loved when you first started dating.
Some people find that getting different hobbies and spending more time away from each other brings back the spark.
Some couples like taking extra time to be romantic, and do the extra special things they did in the beginning.
What works for me is remembering all the things that attracted me to my boyfriend in the first place.
Just experiment and see what works with you.
start dressing sexy for him and remembering all the thing that you love so much about him it’s just a faze your going through you’ll be alrite
it wont be automatic…bonding is good too…seduce him alot more often.
you have to basically become selfless and do as much for him as you can..IT IS NOT slavery…you are doing what you do out of charity and love…
charity is the pure love of Christ…so when you are PROUD of your husband and support him in what he does…and you do the little things that show him that you care…really fall in love with him…write him naughty sexy letters/notes/cards etc..
leave notes all over…think of it as if you were trying to win him over again…flirt with him…strip for him…do what you have to do to fall in love with him for who he is…
it may take effort…but it is worth it…
cook meals for him out of love…iron his clothes…again..you focus on HIM not on yourself..
A good marriage doesn’t have to be one with butterflies at all times. Loyalty and dedication make love work. Butterflies come and go for some people and for many, the rosy glow of being in love never returns after the honeymoon period. But that doesn’t have to mean that you don’t still love each other.
Nevertheless, planning and working for those wonderful times together when you only have to devote yourselves to each other, in a romantic setting, that is worth the effort and every couple should do what they can to find that special time together. Also you can study your partner for what makes him happy and try to see that he is happy as much as possible. It doesn’t mean that it is your fault if he isn’t always happy, but just that you always try, because you love him and want him to be happy.
You can also count the ways that he is good for you and that he makes you happy. Let him know and let his Mom know, too and other people close to you. He and you will be happy if you know that you have made others proud of him.
Don’t forget all the little things day by day. It was hard for me but worth it to let him drive because he liked to, let him watch sports on TV even when I had other plans, let him have his personal friends and pets even if you don’t choose the same ones for yourself. All the sacrifices offered lovingly make love grow.
You may still have some post-partum depression, plus the added burden of a baby. Let it come back naturally
Try to make him your friend. That is how it can last longer. You cant expect the relationship to be hot and heavy full of passion for the rest of your life. This does not happen.
If you don’t try to get a friendship with him then the next guy you "fall in love with" will have the same pattern. You will have hot and heavy passion, it will calm down, you will quit the relationship.
first of all u need to ask y u fell out of love. did a crisis event happened about that time u got pregnant? did he say something or did something to u? or did not do what u needed him to do. let down in expectations? u need to figure what took pl that started this feeling. if nothing, cld it be hormonal changes? however u’re still feeling that way now, so may not be. for me its to try to remember y and wat i fell in love with in wifey. familiarity always breeds contempt n at times i just feel i need fresh change or some exciting thing, but that’s a cop out n superficial, cos even if i find someone else n feel romantic all over again, after a while, the romance will leave n feelings of boredom will set in again.. then what? back to sq 1. so think back, deal with whatever hurts u hv, learn to let it go or forgive, talk to a marriage counsellor or someone u can trust who hv long marriage exp.. do ur best k
)
Pregancy is a big change for a woman !
They say a child binds a couple together … but once the child is born everyone talks about the child only. Somewhere the individuals are lost & the family is in. The "spark" will come back try doing little things together while your baby sleeps like: having an early candle light dinner with light music or maybe taking bubble bath together … or maybe even cleaning your house
You are just tired/hormonal from being a new mommy. Give it time.
The "in love" feeling comes in waves, and you may never feel the "sparks" that came when you first met him–that’s infatuation. In a true and lasting marriage, they are eclipsed by the warmer deeper feelings of secure love. They build with shared experiences and memories, right now many of which are probably focused on raising your new daughter. You may also be feeling some body image issues dealing with post-pregnancy that could be inhibiting you a bit sexually, or you just may not feel like you have the complete privacy you had in the house before the new little one was down the hall (or in the cradle next to the bed!)
As soon as your little one is old enough to leave with Grandma or a babysitter, plan a romantic getaway to a hotel, resort, B & B, or somewhere special to the 2 of you. Make time together and make a conscious effort to make it about adult couple time and not to talk about the baby.
You probably also need some grown-up time to pamper yourself. Carve out some time for a "spa day" to have a new mom makeover–hair, nails, massage, etc. Find a new outfit that really shows off your new curves. If you feel sexier, it’s likely to be a turn on for him and in turn will heat things up for you!
It can be a challenge to balance being a mommy and a wife–one or the other may sometimes feel like it is getting the short end of the stick. You may get resentful if you don’t think your husband is helping enough with the baby or appreciating all you are doing. If this is part of the problem, try your best to calmly communicate your expectations to him, and be patient in showing him how to do tasks that he is unsure of. If he can take some of the burden and stress off you, you are likely to be more relaxed and "in the mood", and you will find new reasons to fall for him as you see him being a good daddy and taking such good care of both you and the baby.
It won’t happen overnight, but if you can incorporate some or all of these tips you should start getting closer over the next few months as you settle into a new routine and dynamic as a family.
So you’re just a little too used to the burps, dirty dishes, diapers and cleaning the toilet that you just don’t have the spark at the end of your day?
That’s fair enough, especially after just having a baby.
You have a lot of new experiences around, especially the factor of not sleeping, and this time can be exhausting. When you find the energy, try and go out on a date and get to know each other again. Maybe try going out one day a week to different places, take your daughter along with you if you like.
What about spicing things up in the bedroom? You can take that as far as you like, but maybe just try "canoodling" for a night rather than just diving into the heavy stuff straight away every night, or toys, or new positions.
Find a new bond between the two of you.
My husband really loved working out before we got married, and for a few reasons that kind of fell to the way-side. So now I do it with him, we invested in a weights bench, and we do that together twice a week, which gives us reason just to spend time with each other while having some fun.
Find something for the two of you that can be new and interesting. New things can add a level of excitement.
Try and remember some of the things that got you interested in him in the first place, and try and relive some of it.
Read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands"
Love isn’t about school girl butterfly’s. It’s about being in awe at the new life you’ve created. It’s about returning the love your husband shows everyday he goes to work for the sake of you and your daughter.
Everyday isn’t the 4th of July, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep a cozy fire burning at home.
I can’t stand Dr. Laura, but her Proper care and Feeding of Husbands book really is very smart and pertinent to what YOU can do to help your marriage.
I also agree with those who are saying that a pregnancy can change your feelings and attitude. Things change in relationships and butterflies give way to more deep, solid feelings of love an affection. Don’t think you aren’t in love with your husband because you’re not feeling that "pit of your stomach" romance. That ALWAYS fades, and rightly should. Also, check out The Five Love Languages book. It helped my husband and I immensely.
First, get a reliable form of birth control. If you can have fun without fear of reprisal, that should help a lot. Then, find a babysitter who is willing to keep the baby for the entire weekend. If you are nursing, save up some milk, enough to last the baby for the entire weekend, plus a little extra, cuz you never know…
Make a reservation at a nice little hotel, with room service. Get a sexy negligee, some new toys and a good lubricant. If you guys drink, get a bottle of good wine, a kind you both really like. Maybe some nice snacks.
Kidnap your husband from work on Friday afternoon. Take him to the hotel, where he finds out that you have provided for his every comfort. Have a couple glasses of wine. Take a shower together, and wash each other all over. Dry each other off and put on the sexy nighty. Then tenderly nibble your husband’s earlobe and whisper to him how much you love him and are grateful that he’s a good provider. Tell him WHY you love him, how you came to love him. Before you are even finished, you will find yourself starting to warm up to him. Give him some of his favorite activity. Order room service. Relax with each other. Enjoy your time together. F*** each other’s brains out. It WORKS!
Quit watching "as the world turns" and all the other soaps. If you love the guy, you love him. "in love with him" is a BS writer’s coined word that portrays a non-reality, a piece of fictional life. Butterflies only last for a short while, just like in real life, then living life sets in. All things settle down. Having a two month old daughter, you now have a routine. Life is like that. Your still young, but you haven’t grown up yet.
GOOD COMMUNICATION,ENJOY ONE ANOTHER .TALKING WHEN YOU LAYING DOWN TELLING YOUR SECRETS(PILLOW TALK),IT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL THAT WE ARE SHARING ARE DEEPEST THOUGHTS.SO SHARING THE DEEPEST PART OF YOU IS ONE WAY.HAVING FUN TOGETHER MARRIAGE SHOULDN’T ALWAYS BE ABOUT HARD WORK AND PROVIDING HAVE FUN.REMEMBER HOW IT WAS WHEN U FIRST MET AND HOW HE MADE U FEEL.THESE MEMORIES HELPED ME WITH THIS SAME ISSUE.SOMETIMES WE FORGET AND WE HAVE TO REMIND OUR SELVES HOW GOOD WE GOT IT.THERE ARE WOMEN WHO WISH THEY WERE MARRIED AND HAD A MAN TO LOVE THEM.DON’T TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED.SET TIME APART FOR YOURSELVES TO GO OUT .IDEAS SUCH AS ,GETTING A HOTEL ROOM FOR THE WEEKEND OR NIGHT ,BRINGING SCENTED CANDLES,ROMANTIC DINNER AT HOME IT DOSEN’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT ARANGING DISHES SOME SILVERWARE AND GLASSES EXC.YOU CAN AD THAT SPARK TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP U JUST HAVE TO REMEMBER WHAT MADE U FALL FOR HIM.