My Husband Still Loves His Ex. What Should I Do?
I asked my husband if he still loved his ex and he said yes. He also said that is his past and she has no chance with him ever again. He said that what matters is that he is IN LOVE with me.
I have always been there for him and she just left him for someone else. He said the breakup was not a bad one and he has no ill will against her. I just had a baby two weeks ago and was listening to a song with the lyrics I am in love with another woman and I am sorry to have to tell you this” something like that and decided to ask.
He has always been honest with me and I love him for that. But now I feel that he is not completely mine and some part of his heart belongs to her and I cannot deal with it. I cry and cry. I don’t want to touch him or anything. I feel like a fool. How can he still love her after all of this time?
am hurting so bad. I still smile and go on as if nothing is wrong but I feel like crap and cry all the time. What should I do? I have been with him since I was a teenager and he met her after we broke up a short while then came back to me. How can he love her and she left him? I have been there not her. I don;t know if I can get pass this. He is a good man and takes care of me and the kids but this I cannot handle knowing he still loves her after all of this time.
I don’t want to leave him because I love him so much and I know that I should not love him after knowing this but I do. What should I do? Leave? Stay? Just deal with it and not break up my home? I do consider my children in all of this.
I treat him so much better than she did. She left him for someone else. I have been there and she was not. I am such a fool.
THis is not fair.
Please advice please!
Thank you all.
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Tagged with: crap • fool • good man • heart • ill will • love • lyrics • quot • teenager
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Tell him that you still love your ex too or just make one up from high school then your even simple
He is with you and is faithful. You need to find a way to get passed this so you don’t ruin what you do have. Who’s sleeping next to him at night? Who had his kids? Don’t worry about her. If he’s always honest, and says she has no chance let it go. Some people always love those they loved before, but he’s not in love with her and isn’t interested in her. He loves you and is in love with you. If necessary see a therapist- this isn’t worth ruining things over.
dont take this so personally. its normal hell i still have a strange deep seeded love for a girl from highschool.
its normal! chill out and trust eachother thats what marriage is about. dont try to prevent him from having his feelings, or dnt try to change his feelings. he will cheat or leave eventually if u do.
Well it is okay to still love people from you past as long as you are not actively IN LOVE with them. Ask yourself this, Do I still have love for an ex? Even if you want to say no you probably do a little for someone. Don’t lie to yourself because you want to be right. He is with you and loves you. Accept it for what it is. If he wanted to be back with her he’d be trying. Honey, please let it go. It will cause you nothing but heartache. If you love him like you say you do then let it be. Everything ends up the way it is suppose to be. Don’t push him about it too much. Most people don’t like talking or thinking about things. It sounds like you think of her more than he does, that’s not fair to you. Things will be okay. Keep your head up and hope I could help. I’ve been through it and it ate me up inside until I was a person I no longer knew myself. Good luck.
You can still love a person without being in love with them. He is not IN love with her. it’s completely different. I am married now and am in love with my wife. I was married before and have a child with my ex. I still love her as she is the mother of my child. Am I in love with my ex? No. There is a big difference, and YOU are the one that is making it a problem, not him. You are being overly self-centered in this issue.
Are you sure he is not saying he loves her but he is not in love with her. Very different. He could love her because of the person she is and is the mother of his children if he has any with her. He told you right there he IS IN love with you. Big difference. He loves you and he is still with you. You trying to find something wrong and asking questions like that is only going to make you look insecure. Just enjoy his company and don’t start playing games where he cannot touch you because if you start doing that then he will find someone else.
its a normal thing dont worry
i believe hes faithful and isnt trying to hurt you. hes just being honest with you. it probably hurt for him to tell you that. sadly, people dont completely stop loving their exes, especially if they were in a serious relationship. its tough, but i guarantee you he loves you and DOES NOT want you to leave. i know this is gonna hurt hearing, but just deal witht he fact that he still has feelings for his ex. maybe, just maybe, as time goes on, he’ll have smaller and smaller feelings for her.
I think he’s a pretty much the stupidest man alive. What kind of asshole tells his wife he loves someone else? I think you have no choice but to divorce his sorry ass. Seriously!? Why the hell would you ever tell your wife or girlfriend that. You will never forget that he told you this and as a result you will forever doubt his commitment to your marriage.
Stay. It will be hard you will always feel second but if you have a good relationship maybe his love for her will fade. Just dont keep bringing he up or you are the one who keeps his love alive , he may not even be thinking of her until you bring her up. Good luck.
I struggled with your problem at the beginning of our relationship.We had both been married before and had other long time relationships.My husband says that whatever feeling we had for other people you can’t erase.It happened.It was before your time.We sometimes joke about the people who "had us"and let us get away.Don’t let this come between you and your husband.Take joy in the fact that you’re the lucky one that he comes home to every night.
In marriage, both of you have to work hard to make it work. If the other one doesn’t cooperate, both of you will not be happy.
You just gave birth 2 weeks ago and I think you are just going through the post natal depression. You are more sensitive and seek attention especially from your husband. Why did you ask your husband if he still loves his ex? When he said yes, it was because that is how he felt. It may be hard for you to accept but lucky for you, you have someone like him. At least you would have to believe that he is telling the truth when he said that she was his past and she has no chance with him ever again. What matters most is he is still there with you and do his best to make everything work in your marriage.
i agree with Freyja. Talk about your ex and see how he likes it! Tell him to go back to the ex and get up every morning to make breakfast and do laundry! Better yet take a vacation alone and tell him to do those duties! He will be crying MOMMY when he knows what you do daily! Simply tell him that you are visiting family and/or friends. He can contact you. give him a chore list. Tell the kids that daddy is home and mommy is visiting and will be back tomorrow.
You should be relieved he is still loves his ex. You know it is impossible to fall out of love. You can fall in love and learn to love someone but once you do love a person for real, how could you stop? It shows he knows what love is. He may not like her, and never want anything to do w/ her but love is for keeps you can’t take it back even when you want to. Just know he loves you and he’s in love with you and that will never die.
if your "husband" still loves his ex then why are you even with him? then again you’re putting the well being of your child above your own needs. i can’t fault you there.
get over it!! he is with you not her
It’s not like he’s cheating on you woman! Pipe down. At least he’s honest. So what if he loves her. He said he’s IN LOVE WITH YOU!!! He may just be a loving man. He said she has no chance.WHY? Because he’s with YOU and he wants YOU. Don’t let something so little ruin your marriage and break up your family.He sounds like a good man so don’t let him go.You’ll regret it.Just love him.You’re lucky.
Good luck!
i think you missed the point.
he does not love her like his woman he loves her for the ‘past relationship they had’
the man told you you are the one, maybe he should not have been forthright with you. whats happening here is that you can’t handle the truth that ‘in the past he love the woman. at the present he loves you.
the reality is at one time he loved this other woman, just like you might have loved another man.
get over it and move on.
appreciate the love the man has for you and build a life with him. stop being a prober of the past.
my comment, he would habe been better off lying to you and telling you you are the only woman he has loved. see what i mean?
next time he jumps it, give him the best f _ _ _ and see if he walks around in a daze. then you will know for sure, or, at least have a good idea.
oh, by the way, you have to boost his ego and tell him what a bad bull he is.
I am in the same boat, except we are not married. And mine is still in contact with his ex. He texts her that he misses her, and thinks about her, and that his life has had no meaning since she left. She cheated on him and kicked him to the curb. They were only together 8 months. We have been together 2 years and now live together raising my kids. They talk on the phone, email, etc etc. He lies to me and tells me he is not in contact with her or that it is business but I see the texts and the calls. He swears he is in love with me, is with me, not cheating on me, and although he will always love her in a way, would never be with the woman again. Why does a man continue to have a relationship, sexual or not, with his ex? Thank god she lives out of state – but has family here and comes back every now and again…so do they meet up then? I don’t know. Is it normal for people to stay friends and text like this? I don’t think so.
girl . i am going through the same thing as you , you might be way older than me but i know what your going through.. i’m 17 and im in love with this guy we’ve been together for 6 months and done everything together we plan are whole lifes together kids marriage everything. hes in love with me and all , but his ex, he has been on and off with for 4 years he was in love with her. and everybody that has known them well say there relationship was a wreck and they would never last.. and now hes with me. i just asked him recently if he still loved her and he does i know it hurts it really does ive cried a lot nights i just cant sleep cause of him… i mean hes cheated on me with her , big mistake but i forgave him.. but i promise you this he might love her still like her whatever but think about this.. he has you now , you have a family. he will never let that go. ever. he loves you and i know he knows you’ve treated him better than she has ever treated him and thats probably one of those reasons he will never let you go. dont give up your going to have few bumps in the road but in the end its worth it. i love my boyfriend more than anything and i do freak out at times because of these situations but im going to try my 100% best to keep him forever because this guy is amazing to me. and means alot to me and i know i mean alot to him . what im trying to say is keep your head and look at your beautiful family you guys have you were obviously meant for eachother look where everything is heading for you two a family. <3 what else matters, i hope this helps. <3
I am having the same problem. My husband has been secretly talking and texting his ex wife. She lives in another state. She has family here, though. He even started an argument with me so he would have a reason to leave in order to go visit her family without me! Face it…men are uncommitted complete jerks! I’m going to leave him, forget about him, and enjoy being single. He can have his ex, her family, or anyone other than me!
I have to say I am sick and tired of being the weak woman begging and pleading a man to “Love” me more than he does his EX…I mean REALLY??? This is silly why do we give them all the power…and yes…this is a power struggle. Tell yourself you don’t care and eventually you wont and then I promise one of two things will happen. He will stop with the ex crap (it usually stems from insecurity on his part anyway) or you will gain the strength to walk away. All he is doing is playin games.
This is my second marriage n my husbands aswell but i dint have kids while he had from ex,but after our marriage my husband decieved me and went back to ex,i am living in my country coz of visa problem and they both are living happily together in same house,once i got a txt from my husbands mobile i live with my wife and kids and i cant leave her for no1,but he denied by saying ”its not me she sent this text i love you and respect you i said i dont need your respect he said but you got it he never rings me even he knows i am not well never support me financially i dont know why i still love him i dont know what to do because i cant go to see him even i really feel desperate and degrade when his mum tells me he lives with ex,please help me any1 in this regard i cant even imagine to live without him,please any1 tell me how could i bring back my husband from exwife.
My husband and I met before his ex came into the picture; however, their relationship at the time was more serious than ours because I was ending a long term relationship. My husband and his ex lost their child at birth and the mother decided to leave for college. We then became more serious and later on married. He said he still loves her, but is not in love with her and is in love with me and wants to experience everything in life with me. I do belive him; however, he has in the past contacted her when we argue. He has recently stopped doing this, but now she still wants to be a part of his life. I think he uses her against me and is not in love with her, but is on some type of power trip. I am nobody’s fool and he better realize I am and have always been here for him even after she decided to leave the city after the death of their child!
Men can be such jerks sometimes and I dont even think they know half the time. Men dont love like women and when a man loves he loves hard and when he loses it, he has trouble getting over it. However, we as women know when you have loved and lost and then have found love again, we cherish it and dont let the past jeopardize it and men need to learn how to seperate the past from the present or stay with the past and not involve someone else in some big twisted love triangle!
To InAmarriedBliss & all: you hit the complexity and hurtfulness of this situation dead on. I am going through this same situation w/ my bf of 2 yrs w/ his ex of two yrs who lives in Chicago, me California. I’m a reck right now cuz he went back to Chicago to visit & seen her. Now he says he’s confused. In love with me but loves her still… Pretty much in the back of his mind still leaves room for her to walk back into his life ( as much as he wouldn’t say it that blunt)