How do I get my wife to be in love with me again?
I am 30 she is 29.We have a 3 yr old son and we are both great parents. She stays home with him but she also gets out alot cause she is a singer. we have had a good life and we are well off finacially. I never have told her she can’t do anything and she has always been my true love. the biggest problem we have had is communication. Now she tells me the last 3 years she has felt numb. and she don’t have feelings for me. She wants to seperate to see if she wants to be with me anymore. I told her we both put alot in to our child and we need to learn to commuicate better and start putting each other first again, I suggested counceling and she tells me she does not want to. I love her more then anything and I don’ t want to split up my family. I was not perfect but I was not awful and I am willing to change. any advice would be great.. thanks
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Tagged with: 3 years • feelings • parents • true love
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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It is hard to think how separation could fix anything. It can only help her move on. You should ask that she reconsider counseling. but if not, don’t leave!
Marriage is a choice you make everyday. You have to continue making the choice to stay until she comes around. If she doesn’t come around, let her leave. She has made the choice to give up on the marriage not you.
A lot of the other answers are right. You need to date eachother, and you need to spend quality time. Family life sometimes takes away from the love of the couple. Of course she will have more fun with someone else where there is no responsibility involved and he is spending time trying to woo her.
Too many people give up because raising a family is hard work. I hope it works out for you.
Well, you already have the answer.
Your best bet was to see a marriage counselor, but she already said she wasn’t interested.
You’ve got to let her go. I would be a bit angry with her myself if she told me what she told you without mentioning her feelings earlier when things started going badly for her.
You aren’t a mind reader, so she should have told you that she wasn’t happy long before this. Maybe she did try to tell you, but you weren’t listening, or maybe she just changed.
Either way, it sounds like she needs a break.
Now, you can make it hard or less hard.
Let her go do her thing and maybe she’ll come back to you, but don’t hold your breath. If she’s a singer, it’s possible she’s met someone else, but you would know better than me.
Whatever you do, don’t cut her down in front of your Son.
After all, she’s still his Mom and you are showing him how to treat women by your treatment of her. Do the next right thing and take care of yourself by seeing an older male counselor or at least finding some male friends to talk with about your feelings on this. Stay away from the drugs & alcohol so you can be clear-headed during these next few months.
Date her! Romance her. Wine and dine her. Treat her like you were still dating. Have a date night at least twice a month. Send her flowers. Do things for her spontaneously.
Sounds like she may be depressed. If you can’t get her to counseling, try getting her to her doc. If that doesn’t work, maybe you have no choice but to set her free for a while.
Sometimes a separation can be a blessing. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
However…if she is having an affair or has a love interest then stop trying and wasting your time.
Put your energy in to your baby. Maybe she needs to see how it feels to be neglected.
TURN the other cheek and let her think YOU can LIVE without HER and she will come back to you. BEEN TESTED & IT WORKS.
Just love the baby and take care of yourself in case you want to date. Gotta look yummy
it sounds as though she has mentaly made up her mind already. keep trying! we love to see that our man will not give up on us. dont be a doormat, just love her and ask for her love. remind her that you two vowed your love forever and remind her of why she fell in love with you. have fun in your lives!
well, you cant physically make her stay and want to be with you…. and if she doesn’t want to go to counseling, leave it at that… dont ask again for awhile… later on she may change her mind.. but one thing is for certain, the more you ask her to go the more she will resist… and about how to get her to be in love with you again…. everything you did to "get" her in the beginning,, is what you need to do to "keep" her now…. if she wants to separate then let her go.. and be the nicest, sweetest guy when your around her.. but dont keep asking to go to counseling or keep saying you dont want to separate.. all that hasn’t worked for you up to this point has it? so change your plan… good luck… let her "see for herself" what a great guy she may lose..
Ask her why she got married with you at first place! When she’ll tell you I loved you, this and that, ask her what did she feel when you first started dating? Just bring her back in time to remind her about her feelings. Share some of your feelings. Ask her if she feels something has changed. Talk about it.
Almost every family has these times. But whatever you do, don’t take a break from each other. Go through this together. Don’t pressure her, though. I wish you best of luck.
You should sit down with her and have a serious talk about your marriage. Tell her how you feel and that you would do anything for her. Maybe you could do some nice things for her, like take her out to a nice dinner, maybe surprise her with gifts.
numb for 3 ysr? and she never spoke up? tell her leaving isnt the answer…spend lots of time talking and go out to dinner and all that…ask her what will help OTHER THAN SEPARATION… is there alot of sex? thats good for bonding….try counselling if she will…good luck
LOOK, IF IT IS MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE….. GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ALL OF US… JUST HAVE FAITH IN HIM AND LEAVE EVERYTHING IN HIS HANDS
Sorry pal but i think it might be too late.It sounds like you have talked it over with her……now its up to her.If she knows how you feel about her,you will just have to wait and hope that the bond is good and she wants back in. My advice is
DON"T CALL,BUG,HARASS,STALK,CALL,MEET,PHONE or any other way contact her.This is ALL UP to her now.
it seems like a little too late for u… Is she seeing anyone?… Good luck…
Kid is 3 years old. She’s felt numb for 3 years. Anyone else spotted the connection yet?
It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. her feeling numb sounds possibly like mental illness, so counseling is a good idea for both of you, but you can’t force her to go obviously. ultimately, you must do what you can to make it clear that you love her and want he to be happy no matter what it takes.
I’m sorry to hear what’s happening to you. It must be very hard for you. Can you maybe take her to very romontic dates like you used to do when you first met? Just two of you going out to enjoy each other’s company? A girl always like that. She still loves you. And you sound like a wonderful guy, I think she needs to be reminded how she felt in love with in a first place. Best of luck to you.
Do think she has met someone? Perhaps that is the answer. I hope not because you sound like a good person who loves his family but I can’t think of any reason why she would refuse counseling if only for the child’s sake.
You might want to enlist he aid of a PI. But then, why? If she wants to be somewhere else you would be better off without her. Your family won’t be happy if she doesn’t want to with you.
Try to take it one day at a time and remember that the little person is going to need you both, forever! Concentrate on your child just now and remember that you can’t get inside her head and you must rely on what she tells you.
Good luck to you and your family!
If it comes down to a seperation, let it run it’s course. Don’t get involved in her so called "New Life" because it will only make things worse. I’m talking from experience here.
My wife and I seperated many years ago and she said she thought she never really loved me but I chased her, called her, sent her flowers and all it did was drive her to be with someone else so I would leave her alone. We ended up divorcing and she moved in with him before the ink was even dry on the papers. Six months later when she heard I had been dating the same girl for quite some time, she came crawling back. That was 13 years ago. Good luck!
That’s a heart breaker, especially with a three year old child. You can’t make your wife feel what she doesn’t, but you can treat her with love and sincerely work to communicate everything that’s in your heart. As much as you would like to, you can’t make the decision for her. You can only control your side of it. I strongly suggest that you take yourself to counseling, even though she doesn’t want to go. Sometimes in a relationship, when one person changes for the better, the other person will also make the effort. Then, sometimes not. All you can do is your best. Get therapy yourself and make the changes for yourself.
plain and simple: men get lazy. you work so hard at getting the girl, but once you do–you do nothing to maintain the relationship.
take her out. talk to her. be excited to see her. compliment her. notice little things she does (like changing her hair). if you wanted to have sex with her 100 times a day when the relationship was new and only want sex 1 time a week–step up your game a little. a relationship is work. once you stop putting effort in–it starts dying.
i wish you the best of luck.
although–i must say it takes 2. you may have slacked off a little or gotten comfortable and neglected her as a husband, but if she kept quiet she made it worse. how can you fix it if you are unaware of it?
I don’t know you, but I feel for you. When you have a child involved, it makes things very complicated. I have been married for 12 years, and have felt that sometimes I feel numb with my husband. He just doesn’t get me sometimes. In my perfect world, I’m 36, I think if he were to ask me sometimes, just how I am feeling about everything, it would help. It just seems that life is so busy with having a child and working, the relationship just gets thrown aside because it’s not the important thing. Till the blank hits the fan… that is. My advice… give your wife a bit of space, if that is what she wants, let her have it. She will respect you for that. You both probably need it, you maybe just don’t realize it right now. Talk to her like an adult, don’t get mad, don’t be condescending. Tell her how much you love her, and that you will do what it takes to have her back. You sound like a good guy..good luck. I hope you both work it out.
You sound so nice & understanding. It sounds like she could feel a lot of pressure from having the baby. Since the time frames match. Maybe she still has some kind of post partum depresion going on. It can linger. Every women is different w/ childbirth. I would ask her again about going to the Dr. or Gynocologist. She might be feeling very overwelmed. Try to stay understanding, and if worse comes to worse give her her space a little while, so she can work some things out on her own. Don’t panic just be she wants some space. Work out joint care for your child & be there no matter what, pray & keep the faith, I bet it will work out. She’s a lucky girl I think she’ll realize that. My Best to you & her.
Same thing happened to me and we divorced. Try taking her somewhere different, dancing (even if you hate it) and do what she wants to do. Make life happy for her, don’t keep talking about how bad things are. Do something fun, go on a short cruise.
If you allowed her to do what she wanted with no questions asked, you gave her a taste of freedom and she likes it.
Thats what happened to me and first wife. She went with her single friends and hung with them.
My current wife and I do everything together. We don’t go anywhere with out each other, we have the same friends.
It really seems to work best.Life is great!
If things don’t work out, be sure and get a good attorney.
Ever heard Kenny Rodgers Buy Me A Rose???
He says a lot in that song.
Buy me a rose, call me from work,
Open a door for me what could it hurt.
Tell me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life.
That’s the chorus I think that’s what it’s called.
Take her some place nice on vacation.
Heck take her to an amusement park and have fun.
What ever need to do to make life fun for her whith you is probably what’s missing.
People think that once their married it’s a done deal but you still have to keep them interrested and not let things get stale.
Find whatever it is that you stopped doing and get yourself back into action.
When I wanted to split up with my ex, he suggested counseling and I refused. I didn’t want to work things out. If she is at all interested in working things out she should be willing to go to counseling. Could she be wanting this separation because she is seeing someone else? It is just odd that she refused the counseling unless she has already made up her mind that she doesn’t want to stay together at all.
Honestly, to me for a woman to tell her husband that she does not care tells me that she likes or is interested in someone else. I mean come on she has a baby!!! If she really does not care you need to ask her is she is interested in or is seeing someone else. Women are more compassionate than that, and she should care….you need to find out WHY she does not care anymore.
You appear to be on the right path. ie counciling, communication and a concern for your son. However, she may be on a different road. Have you considered going to church with her? You must consider the possibility that there is another guy involved.
The fact that she won’t even try counceling speaks volumes. If she wanted to stay together and make it work, then she should be more than willing to do at least that to discover where your differences are and to learn how to repair them. It sounds like she has her mind set on wanting to separate, and if that’s the case then there is probably nothing that you can do. But if anyone knows what you can…it’s her. I hope everything works out for you.
If I were you I would get out of this relationship fast and in a smart way. You are heading for some serious painful experiences.
She needs time to grow up and feel life’s pain for herself before she can commit to others including your son. I can bet if you do separate you will end up with custody. You made a poor decision having a child with her without being sure she wanted to be in a marriage or a mother. Your wife is pretty much out of your life by now (mentally and physically). Its nothing you did wrong, your chemistry doesn’t suit her. You are still young, get out b/c it’s going to get a lot worst.
IF you have to stay in for the sake of your son and b/c you don’t believe sound advice, give her a year off to date other people and feel the pleasures and pains of being single and on her own. In the meantime do the same and then make a decision. Just make the right decision that will benefit you and your son. You already made a bad one, don’t make another.
Odd that her "numbness" started when she became a mother.
Couples tend to get very child centered and sometimes forget to to make time to be a couple.
Start setting aside regular "date" nights if you are not doing that now.
If she will not go to counseling for you, then suggest that she do it to help your child. If you end up separating eventually, then it WILL be hard on your child. You will need to be able to work together for your child as he will be a connection between you both for many years to come. Make it a requirement before you even consider cooperating with a separation.
I suggest that you look into some relationship books.
"Fall in Love, Stay in Love" by Dr. W. Harley is a good overview of his work. Check into their weekend seminar, I’ve heard really good things about it. Ask her to commit to this weekend for a start. What can it hurt? Then, you can work on the follow up stuff.
http://marriagebuilders.com/
Another that I have known a few people to go to and find helpful:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
Her resistance makes me wonder about what else is going on with her.
Take care.