After falling out of love with someone, how do you fall back in love with them again?
Married for 24 years, I lost "those loving feelings" for my husband three years ago. We grew apart over the years, and he took my affection for granted. He assumed that my love for him was neverending and he became a bit too comfortable in our marriage. We had always been a very affectionate couple up to that point.
When he realized that my feelings had changed, he worked hard to regain my love (romantic evenings, flowers and candlelight, etc.) but try as I might, the feelings have not returned. I would like nothing more than to fall back in love with him and to save our marriage. How I long to return his "I love you’s" but my heart will allow not the lie. I care for him; I still find him incredibly sexy, but the affection and devotion I once felt for him is gone.
I know it takes two to make a marriage work and I’m not placing all the blame on him – in fact, I know that it’s more me than him that keeps us apart emotionally. Maybe I no longer trust him with my heart?
Lucinda
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Tagged with: 24 years • affection • candlelight • devotion • Fall 98 • falling out of love • flowers • heart • love • loving feelings • lucinda • marriage • marriage work • romantic evenings • Romantic Flowers
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Well, I’ll tell ya. I have been feeling the same way for the past year. It really hit me when my husband did the exact right gesture on Valentine’s day and sent me a large bouquet of roses, and it didn’t really do much for me. I wanted it to, but I just couldn’t muster the feelings.
I knew I had to do something, so I decided to give up for Lent the barriers I had put up between us. I didn’t really realize they were there, but as I concentrated on removing them, I saw them more clearly.
The first one was sexual intimacy. I really had to talk myself into this, but I asked him to come to bed for the first time. It may sound strange, but I guess I just had so much negativity toward him, that I didn’t want to give him the pleasure of feeling desired. Once I conquered that hurdle, the others came easier. I found I had been avoiding touching him. I made a decision to cuddle up with him every night, regardless of whether he was awake or was hogging the covers or whatever.
I have really been blown away with how differently I feel. I didn’t really expect these things to make a big difference, but I cared enough to try. He is my husband, after all, and I love him. It’s just crazy to me that after nursing so many hurt feelings for probably 80% of our marriage, I was able to really turn things around by "behaving my way to success" as Dr. Phil would say.
I don’t think these things would have worked if my husband hadn’t already turned his attitude around, but it sounds like your husband has done the same, so I’d say if you’re willing to try, I think it could really work for you.
Good luck and God bless.
Sounds like you took marriage as a game. perhaps you weren’t ready to marry yet. you should have realized your emotions before you married this guy. I say that you seek some marital counseling, if not then tell him your true feelings and divorce him, before you end up having kids with this guy you have no affection for, then it will be harder to get out of the marriage, and it can become very stressful! so don’t waste his time while you still have time either love him or leave him!