I need serious advice on how to convience my wife I love her and will never cheat on her again.
I cheated on my wife after 13 years of marriage with a woman that was 20 years older than my wife. It was not just a one night stand it was meetings ofter work. I told my wife about the affair because I felt so bad afterwords. I know that I made the worst mistake of my life and that I love my wife more than words can say. It has been 3 years and thank god my wife let me come back home, we have even had a son since the affair but she says that she still does not trust me and that she still has anger and resentment towards me for it. She says that she wants answers as to why it happened and what she did so wrong that made me do it. It was nothing she did it was my stupid mistake and I did it because I thought I could get away with it and no one would get hurt. I have told her that I promise her it will never happen again but she still thinks that I don’t love her but I do. I have never cried so much in my life as I do when it comes to this. I feel like I have failed my wife and kids and am about to loose the only people in the world that ever meant any thing to me. Please help.
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Tagged with: 13 years • 3 years • advice • Afterwords • anger • god • love • marriage • mistake of my life • my wife and kids • night stand • resentment • stupid mistake
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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It takes a long time to rebuild trust in a relationship after something like this.
Actions talk louder than words
I honestly believe you cannot love someone if you cheat on them. Be honest with yourself. Are you in love with your wife? If you don’t feel passion, hm,…? I know it’s nothing she did, but you obviously don’t have romantic feelings for her? I’m not God to judge, if you think you can love her, love her, I just can’t picture myself EVER cheating on a man I love and am attracted to.
You should have thought about that before you cheated BUT maybe you both should go to couple’s counseling this way you both could get help from a professional. Or maybe you should go on a vacation or take her to the spa and sweep her off her feet again.
Your wife will be able to forgive you but she will never forget the suffering it has caused her. However, over time this will become less of a problem.
serves you righ you pig
dont know how to clean up your mess.
tell her your a stupid pig, and the woman was a whore.
You might want to think about a Marriage Counselor, they do work wonders when you are back together again and you want to work thing out. It is surprising what they can do, they can bring things out of you that you have always had hidden in you and her for that matter. It will also show your wife that you do care about her and the family and that you want to put this matter behind you and go on with your new self.
I’m surprised that you guys had a baby after the affair if you still feel your marriage is on shaky ground, just another casualty of a pending divorce I suppose.
But I digress, your problem, there’s nothing you can do except give it time and just do your best to be trustworty, always let her know where you are. In other words, never give her any reason to question your motives or your whereabouts. It will take time, it might take 10 years for her to ‘let it go’. Just because she’s forgiven you doesn’t mean she’ll ever forget. It will always be brought up in fights, you just have to deal with it if you’re want this to work. You did a bad, bad thing, just think how you would feel if she did this to you.
I hate cheaters once a cheater always a cheater cheaters never win I wouldnt trust you either. your nasty and you got kids shame on you. You should cry, she did. see thats what you get God doesnt like ugly. This just makes me sick.
You need to sit down, talk to her and start off with what you said before that you DO love her and you son more than anything in the world and you’re worried that you’re gonna lose that the only thing that ever meant anything to you and also explain to her that it was THE BIGGEST MOST IDIOTC MISTAKE EVER! and i know this sounds strange but make yourself out to be like really dumb and stupid like hit yourself in the forehead and going ‘I’m so stupid, How could i do this to you and (insert childs name) your the best thing i ever had you mean the world to me I’m just so stupid and I don’t deserve someone like you.
then, save up your money, and have a week long date.
Day 1: take her out to her favourite restaurant, get a babysitter for your son and just have a good time.
Day 2: leave a note on the bedside table and chocolates saying how much you love her.
Day 3: take them both out to a movie or somthing or a theme park, somthing you don’t usually do.
Day 4: Get her a card, etc. and pretend it’s valentines day.
Day 5: Go for a drive with her some place she really likes, like a country drive or somthing and just talk about you earlier relationship (the good bits).
Day 6: Buy her a one day pass to a spa, massage, etc. make her feel like a Queen.
Day 7: write a poem (or get someone else to) about your love for her and get it written on a beautiful piece of paper, get it decorated, etc, frame it and then hang it in the living room, bedroom, someone where you can see it.
BTW (by the way) try leaving stickie notes EVERYDAY just simply write, I love you more than words can say just everyday and she’ll always know how deep your love is.
The pain you are feeling right now can never be more than the pain you gave her. Now give her sometime to come out of this and till then take it as your punishment .
I don’t know really, but I would want to know why. Really why. Be honest. Why did you do that? What was missing that made it happen, something had to be right? (Besides your brain) figure it out. Understanding the who scenario might help her.
I agree you are very lucky to be back at home…you made a mistake and it’s just too bad everyone else has to deal with it but that’s the only thing that an affair can produce. She WILL have anger and resentment towards you for a very long time, i know this makes no sense but just answer all of her questions honestly( and they will probably be the same Q’s over and over)>As a woman that has ben cheated on i beleive that we can forgive but honey we can’t forget, and the only thing you can do is take the blows as she feels needs to give them……
OK Ken here comes the help. Dude first I need to give you a verbal slapping. POW, what have you done, married to the woman you love for thirteen years and you fool around with somebody 20 years older than her? That’s gonna make her feel great isn’t it. You’ve done the right thing in telling her, it’s a great first step. It’s been 3 years since she let you back into her life but she still doesn’t trust you, you need to do all you can to let your wife feel like she is the most important woman in the world and that her and your child are the only things that matter to you which I would hope they are, that means buying flowers, doing romantic things when you can but most importantly of all you need to give her honest answers about why you did what you did, none of this it wasn’t you it was me C*#P, she wants honest answers, if you thought this woman was really hot etc etc tell her. BE HONEST. it sounds like you love your family very much and they deserve the best from you and that means being the strongest person you can be. This isn’t an impossible situation to come back from but it will take time and courage on your behalf.
Chin up, sorry for kicking you when you’re down.
All the best.
if you want an honest anwer then this is it. i, ve been cheated on before by my husband and it really hurts. charm does not work, neither do promises not to cheat. you need to be honest with your wife and be where you say you are when you are. make your self more accessible, your friends, your phone emails etc.
I can gurantee you that your wife will never fully trust you but will learn to overlook the past. Its easy to cheat but its difficult to undo the damage.
You should have kept it in your pants from the start, its going to take some time for your wife to get over this. Women can easily forgive, but its very hard to forget, we have a memory like an elephant.I was cheated on by my first husband years ago, I forgave him, but I could not forget the pain and humiliation that he had put me through, I forgave but didn’t forget, and every time he was a few minutes getting home late from work, that was the first thing in the back of my mind, trust issues are very had to let go of when you’ve been hurt and betrayed.Sound like your wife is having a hard time with letting go, as far as answers, I think after 3 years she must know those answers already, I’m sure you already told her. From what your saying here sound like your wife is now playing the guilt trip on you, this is her way of punishing you becaus, she still can’t come to terms with the affair that you had, she now needs to stop this negative behavior, by her acting hostile towards you, your wife is going to push you too far and you might end up doing something your going to regret,maybe another affair because of what she’s doing, who knows?. But both of you need to try marriage counseling and see how that works. There is nothing more you can tell your wife, especially if you’ve, already apologized a zillion times over the last 3 years, Now its up to her, just go about your daily routine, stop talking about it, forget it, don’t remind her about trying to forgive you, drop it. enoughs, enough already, its time for your wife to let it go , she’s made you cry for 3 years and you have repented your sins, now she needs to grow up and stop the head games she’s playing too. You have poured your heart and soul out to her, she insists on still making you feel bad? Please get her into counseling and go with her, good luck.
My take on it goes like this : if you *truly* loved your wife, you would not have cheated. If you *truly* respected your wife, you would not have cheated. If you *truly* valued your wife and your marriage, you would not have cheated. Cheating would not have even been an option for you with those things as base reality. But it was. You do the math.
Amazing that she’s giving you a second chance. Well you have to work hard now with love, respect, trust, communication and anything and everything to make her happy.
You have to be home the second you get out of work and always tell her where you’re going, etc. Make her a part of everything in your life. Always ask if she wants to come with you when you leave that house, even if you’re going to Home Depot. Never make her wonder or worry.
You have to raise your children as a loving, intelligent father and let them see what an excellent husband you are with their mother.
Always ask if she needs help in cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying the bills, etc. in a fun way.
Every once and a while, leave a beautiful card or a little gift for her to find when you leave that tells her how much you love her. Woman love things like that.
Just naturally show her your love and let her feel really comfortable and certain that she could trust you again.
Oh and don’t forget to make love often and excellent.
If you can do all of the above, you’re not going anywhere. Good Luck
it sounds like you guys need some marital counseling. the issue that i have here is that in order to get past an affair, you must "forgive". a lot of people say that they forgive, but they don’t. forgiveness means that you no longer get to use it as ammunition is arguments and use it to prop up resentment. she obviously has not. that does not make her a bad person. after all, you were the one that cheated…not her. it just means that she needs help to work through her feelings. she needs solo counseling as well.
as for what you are telling your wife…it won’t matter what you tell her as long as she still has trust issues. plus, actions speak louder than words. show your wife that you are trustworthy. that combined with some counseling will go a lot farther than declarations of your love and trustworthiness (which she does not believe anyways right now)