How Can I Get My Husband To Come Back To Me?
How Can I Get My Husband To Come Back To Me
Have been with my husband for 8 years all together, almost 2 of which we have been married.
It started with an older woman from his work. He is 27 years old and she is 39 years old. She is notorious for breaking up marriages and has done this to 2 other people at his work that I know of.
She told him at work that one night she tried to kill herself. So he being the nice man that he is said that if she ever felt that way, to call him and he would talk to her.
So a week later she calls and is upset, so he speaks to her on the phone. She then starts calling and texting him repeatedly each day.
I discussed this with him at the time and said that it was getting a little excessive and that I wasn’t comfortable with what she was doing (given I know her track record at his work). I said that her messages were starting to get inappropriate and they weren’t what a “friend” would write to someone.
This went on for a few months and we repeatedly had arguments over it, because I wasn’t feeling comfortable with what she was writing.
I explained that the texts she was writing, coming from a girls perspective are showing that she has feelings for him. He said I was being silly and not to worry about it. Then one night she confesses to having feelings for him and I told him if that was the case, then it is not fair on me that he keep in contact with her like this anymore.
He ended it for a little while, but it wasn’t long till she had hounded him back…
Then I found out that he took her to the movies behind my back. I then found out that he also bought her jewellery and that he had been out to dinner with her and also had dinner at her house on numerous occasions.
From there it has stemmed into some sort of weird relationship between the two of them. He has been staying at her house some night and I know he has kissed her a number of times.
He swears to me that they have never slept together and I for some reason, do believe him. She has some sort of emotional power over him now. He is finding it hard to cut ties with her, but has told me he wants to separate. I don’t want this at all…
Everything that I have listed above he has done behind my back and the only reason I know of them is that I have become quite the detective. His phone bill has her number plastered everywhere and he hides his phone from me now so that I cannot read the messages in there.
A marriage is not meant to be like this and I would never do this to him. He could go right through my phone and not find one thing in there that he didn’t know already.
A marriage is not hiding things from each other or lying.
Obviously I am devastated and cannot believe that this has happened to me. I cannot even begin to understand how he could do this to me, when he claims that he never intended on hurting me and that he does care for me and love me.
He keeps telling me that he is going to stop seeing her and he does, for a little bit. But, then goes running back to her when she arks up and tells him that she misses him. He doesn’t know if he wants to stay with me, or be with her. He keeps saying whatever decision he makes either me or her are going to get hurt and he doesn’t like that. Our families are devastated by his behaviour and cannot comprehend his actions at all.
How can I make him see that there is no future with her? She is 39 years old and she lives at home with her mother. My husband and I are both 27 years of age and have our whole lives ahead of us. We have a house and a life that we have built together. We have the whole future ahead of us.
He thinks now that if he does come back to me, that he may do this again in future and this is why he isn’t coming back right now. He wants to see a counsellor and find out why he is doing this to me. I explained that if we see a counsellor they would be able to help us find ways to prevent this from happening in the future obviously there are no guarantees, that he won’t do this again, there are no guarantees that this wouldn’t happen in any relationship. But there is definitely ways in which we can prevent this from possibly occuring again. Right??
I cannot keep living like this, its not fair and I know I deserve better. But I love this man and I vowed to be with him forever and I still want to be his wife. I want nothing more then this lady to just get out of his life and for him to come back to me and be committed and move on from this.
How can I get him to realise what he is doing is so wrong and a life with me will be so good??
*** I am scared that if I let go then he will completely let go too and that is NOT what I want.
I have made a tentative appointment for us to see a counsellor, but am not sure how to ask him to come with me?
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Tagged with: 8 years • emotional power • feelings • girls • jewellery • nice man • occasions • older woman • perspective • texts • weird relationship
Filed under: How To Get Her Back • How To Save A Marriage
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EDIT EDIT, TOTAL EDIT
: sorry but i was reading this message around 12 midnight and didn’t realise how hopeless it was until i re-read it this morning.
now, i’m a firm supporter of marriages. i believe that when there is a problem, people should help one another etc because after all, they did VOW to be together through good times and bad.
However, I DO NOT support a case where the husband starts acting like some drama mama and a woman, heavily manipulated by this starts acting like such an idiot, trying to repair something that she didn’t destroy.
marriage takes committment from BOTH SIDES.if one side isn’t acting, then the other shouldn’t even bother because nothing will come out of it. sure, it’ll be good for a couple of days but then it will go back to the same old rubiish.
I know you love him, because trust me, I have been in love and the man hurt me sooooo much that he even used to cut the phone off in my face. being the stupid little me, i’d call him and call him and cry and cry and tell ask him why why why. he just kept on being mean until i finally said, this is stupid. how can i expect a man to love me if i do not love myself? how can i expect a man to see me as a worthy person if i’m stooping sooooo low, clearly showing him that i have no self-worth?
so, i left him. this was a month ago. no idea if he’ll call me back etc etc. the first few days were horrible!!!!! i would cry every night asking why? what did i do wrong?? but i’d had enough of all the phone cutting. and believe me, this guy was really really nice. i mea, that’s why i even fell in love with him later on (at first, he was just a rebound guy).
so, here’s what i’m telling you. leave the ‘kid’ alone and let him seriously grow up. he’s clearly enjoying being torn between two women and seriously, what ego-messed up douche wouldn’t be? yoooo dude, got like two women fighting over me..yeeaaaaaaah.
if you want to continue with this kind of scenery..sure, no problem. it is your life. good luck. keep on begging him to stop and maybe one day he’ll stop then continue, then stop then continue.
however, my advice is that you stop all this. he knows that you’re not going anywhere. he knows you love him and what happends with such people? they know they have them no matter what they do.
so, start threatening him. yes. do it. if he fails to listen, move over to your parents house to show him that you’re serious.
trust me, this woman will one day get tired of him. and even if they do end up together, she’ll continue her old habits. if she did it to two people already, she can do it to a third person.
you on the other hand can go out and start looking for another guy before you turn into an old barren hag.
you cannot force someone to love you and it’s no use loving someone who doesn’t love you back. NO WOMAN deserves to be treated that sort of way. sadly, you are allowing yourself to be treated like that. if you keep on holding on to him,he will eventually leave you. a man looks for other things to conquer.
so what the hell are you waiting for?move on!
you can’t make him realize anything that has to come from him I will tell you that you do need to let go he knows your still there and waiting for him when you finally give up and let go he will realize he has lost you and he might come back to you. He’s an adult and he knows what he’s doing the age between thern don’t make a difference if he doesn’t know what he wants decide for him I personally couldn’t be with him if he told me he don’t know what he wants and I know you believe he hasn’t slept with her but all the signs point to it, he would have been home already if he hadn’t he is making a full out of you sorry .
Sticky situation… You need to give him space. You should NOT be the one telling him to stop talking to her in the first place if he really wanted to work your marriage out. And now he wants to separate, that should be a big indicator that he can’t make up his mind. I know that you love him but you shouldn’t be his sloppy seconds after you know he kissed her, spent nights with her, hid stuff from you, went behind your back etc. because that is not a healthy relationship for anyone. It is obvious that she has blinded him from reality so to get him to realize that he has no future with her isn’t the question. if you are still in contact with him you need to cut him of or do the same thing he is doing (to an extent). If you don’t want to cheat on him then make him suspicious about what your doing which would lead him to think that you were cheating. If that doesn’t work then don’t beg for him to come back to you or to stay with you because from what you’re doing he basically knows that while he is with you/ her you are begging for him to come back,your not leaving him. So by doing that its like saying I know what your doing, I’ll do anything to stop you but i wouldn’t leave you (do you get what im saying?) Its like if he leaves her he knows you’ll still be there and while he’s with her he knows you’ll still be there. But you HAVE TO make him think that you wont be there
Please just leave this man to his disrespectful behaviour. He doesn’t deserve you. I can tell you now that he wanted to be lured in, because if he did love you he would have, at worst, had a one night stand and had the decency to feel wracked with guilt for it. NOT carry on, like a spoilt child, using her neediness as an excuse to hide things from you and spend romantic time with her. Please believe I understand your pain. My husband is my life and I too would possibly react like you, but hope I had a good friend to help me see the wood for the trees and realise he was treating me like a second class citizen and a fool. He wants his cake and wants to eat it and that is not playing fair. It isn’t what your vows meant in any way shape or form. Love yourself more and leave him. I promise you will look back on this time and wonder why you put up with this disgusting treatment for so long. Please be strong, please be true to yourself. I wish you all the love and strength in the world to help you to make the right decision for your future happiness