How do I save my marriage?
So I have come to a point where I just don’t know what else to do. I really want my marriage to work, but I think that my wife has finally given up. I know that I can’t change her, but I don’t want to just sit here and wait for the inevitable. So a little history.
I was in the military and just reenlisted when I met my wife. My wife was a virgin when we got married, I was not. My wife says that she thinks about all of the other women that I was with before her and I really am ashamed of the things that I did before I met her. It doesn’t matter how much I tell her that I love her, how beautiful she is, she still just thinks of these other women. Her parents are still married, my parents are divorced. We are not in debt and we have money in savings. I am not working and neither is she, but she just finished school and with the economy it has been hard for her to find a job, especially in her field. I am going to school right now using the GI bill and it is our only source of income. She just went on a 3 week trip because she said she felt trapped. I didn’t fight her going on the trip because I am tired of fighting with her. She just came back and things were ok for a couple of days and then they just went down hill again. She still says she loves me, but when I questioned her more she said she doesn’t love me like I am her husband, but a family member. This is why I don’t know what to do. I am not abusive, I do get angry quick but it is because I am tired of hearing the same thing come out of her mouth. She used to have so much hope and life, but she doesn’t anymore. We have lived near her family for about 4 years. I recently asked her to give our marriage one more chance and move with me near my family. Our families live in two different states.
It seems like when we get together all we talk about is divorce. I am so tired of talking about it, but it seems like that is all she wants to talk about. She has told me before that she wants to work things out, but lately it seems like she has given up all hope. I know that she is depressed I know that we should get some counseling, but she doesn’t want to do anything. I don’t know what to do. We are both Christians, and we understand that what is going on is not right, that we should be depending on Christ. We need help.
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First of all ur wife sounds immature and I think it’s because you were her first and she didn’t have many other experiences. I respect the fact that the two of you are christians. However, being a christian has nothing to do with ur past indiscretions. She shouldn’t even be worried about that, at all. The two of u really don’t sound like u have any problems except plain ole boredom and immaturity. Christians are supposed to be forgiving and never once think that they are bigger than their God. For our God is a jealous God and nothing is before his judgment. Your wife is judging you and making u feel quilt about a past. Things that hap pended way before her and that is not a christian thing to do. Get ur guidance from a pastor and the good book if you need to. Realize that u pray together, repent, pray more, forgive and move on with ur day to day. Learn to simply enjoy each others company and not talk about divorce everyday. That’s ur choice so u have the power to stop it. I hope the best for the two of u. There are too many failed marriages out there. The media exploits foul behavior and infidelity so much to were most think a good marriage no longer exist. I don’t want yours to be in that category. This can be worked out! ;-D
try counseling
You said you are christians…does your church have any marriage counseling..if there is you should try it..But the most important thing you gota pray about you’re marriage..EVERYDAY..God will show you the right thing to do..Give It A Try It Does Work..God works in mysterious ways:)
is she jelous of the other girls youve been with?..Or is she insecure about herself because the girls u have been with.??.. seems like shes a little confused. You have to let her know that shes is the only women in ur life. Yes u did date a lot of girls but non of those girls can compare to her. Say that you did like the girls u were with but just a couple of things in each and every one of them and with your wife she has all the things and even more. You have to make her feel wanted and give her attention. Take her out show her off to the world. go to an amusement park go have fun. Remind her how much fun you guys had when u guys barely started the relationship. Get her flowers. Remind her everyday how much u love her and how much she means to u. And also tell her she looks beautiful every morning when she wakes up . Write her cute notes and poems. I know it seems hard right now. u reminding her all these things could help. I hope my advice helps u and good luck
i would recommend counseling for you guys.. sounds like you guys need to spend sometime away from each other and need to figure out what exactly you want from each other … Your wife is stuck on your past which doesn’t make any sense as she knew about it before she got married to you ..still cribbing about it doesn’t make any sense ..somehow i feel that there is something else on her mind and your past is just an excuse to take out her frustration .Anyways go for counseling and see how it goes …don’t give up
Get a divorce. You two are miserable. It was a mismatch.
Give yourselves the freedom to go your separate ways and find more suitable life partners. God will not hate you. God wants you to be happy.
She needs to get treatment for depression as soon as possible. If left untreated, it will progress worse. Even if not for the marriage, but for her own sake. This is a classic depression case.