How do I make my wife love me again?
My wife and I have been married for almost 8 yrs and have a beautiful 3yr old little girl who we both love like nothing else. I love my wife immensely I don’t know how I will even manage living without her. She hasn’t actually said she wants a divorce but she says she doesn’t have the same feelings about me as she used to basically she loves me but isn’t in love with me. I just drove over 20 hrs to see her thinking everything was okay after not seeing her for 3 mos because she is in the military and I tried to become intimate with her and she was unresponsive and started crying and told me she didn’t want to be "with" me. She does want to try and work things out and save the marriage but things are difficult since she is stationed far away and counseling would be almost impossible. I want her to be happy but I don’t want to lose her. It wouldn’t be so bad if we didn’t have our daughter to worry about. I could at least deal with it a little better. I dunno let me know what you all think. We are going to spend this weekend trying to work it out but I would like some help. Thanks and please no stupid vindictive answers like take her for all she’s got because that’s not my style. I love her.
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Tagged with: counseling • divorce • feelings • little girl • love • marriage • quot
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Things do change when your’e away from your spouse, especially for long periods of time. She’s been away from the both of you and has a lot of emotions to deal with. She’s got a lot of fears that are influencing this behavior. Yes, you do need counselling, but like you said, it won’t be easy with the distance being this way.
She needs to know more than ever how much you care about her, and how much you think about her. Even though you might say it, you need to show it. How active were you in doing this while she was gone? Has your child written letters? drawn pictures?… have you written letters? sent care packages?
It’s hard being a woman in the military, she’s probably not being influenced by anyone with a very healthy marriage life and might think her fears are only going to be solidified when and if she returns. I am not saying this could be true, but people talk a lot and when you’ve got nothing better to do than listen, all sorts of things begin to warp your mind. Her mental break down is only a classic example of this, she’s soo beyond confused.
She could simply be feeling remorse for leaving her child and missing 3months.. maybe she feels it would be better for her to be with you full time while she pursued her career/. whatever it is, it needs to come out. Even for her own sake, ask her to talk to a counserlor and clear her mind. Ask her what you need to do, has she just lost the spark? because that can be put back easily.. maybe not right away, but if you could spend more time talking to her, and writting to her, she could get excited about hearing from you again. Don’t call, write and send pictures instead, send her little gifts of chocolate or scented soap..
Whatever it is, you need to have her tell you what you can do..
Then, go from there.It doesn’t sound like a lost cause, she still loves you and cares about you, maybe she just doesn’t know how to put the spark back in either..
That "love you but not in love" speech means only one thing- you have been replaced.
I’ve seen it time and again…and it even happened to me.
I’m sorry.
Since she started to cry when she didn’t want to be with you, I would guess that someone else has her emotional interest. So, she probably doesn’t know which is up right now. Don’t give up. Marriages have questionable times (just read all these postings). If you love her, then hang in there and she will probably realize on her on that her family is the most important part of her life. This is not the time to make rash decisions. Just hang tight.
There are counselors out there who will set up remote/videoconferencing sessions. You might want to at least look into that possibility before you decide therapy’s not an option. (And remember that even if she can’t go, there might still be some benefit in going by yourself.)
Other than that, it’s hard to say if she can’t give you reasons or at least possible suspicions why she’s fallen out of love. I suspect the distance isn’t helping, but telling you to try and find a way to uproot your life won’t do any good if that isn’t part of it. Hopefully your conversation this weekend will prove productive.
why is she far away and not have you stay at her station with her..!?!! i’m assuming she’ll be out one of these years and will have to come back home to her family where she belongs…
it seems like she doenst love you like she usto because she gets to open her life to see many guys while she’s stationed in the army.. anyway… you really need to find out why she isnt in love with you.. and if this army is tearing up your marriage.. you need to tell her…
i’m sure there are secrets your wife isnt telling you and 8 years is not long at all…
and for her to not love you.. that’s alil’ bit too much to be in the army and plus your lil’ one… does she even think about it.?
well..when you guys spend time together as a family this weekend… ask her why isnt she in love with you and do she even think of her lil’ ones..? dont let her sly without a good answer… you need to know.