Can you fall in love with your spouse again?
My husband and I love each other in our marriage, buts its not the romantical kind of love. Its more along the lines of because we share a child. We are trying to work it out and fall in love again. Is it possible to fall in love a second time with your spouse? And if so, how do you get started? How do you do it? Thanks!!
-Hurting wife
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Tagged with: Fall In Love • marriage • second time • spouse
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Yes. It happened to me. After 8 years of being married, I felt I was not in love with my wife any more. I fell in love with a coworker. Even though it never became sexual, I was in an emotional affair with this single woman. After about 2 years of this, I was cleaning out our garage and found some old love letters that my wife had kept. I read all of them. I began to see my wife in a different light and realized that she was the person I had first fallen in love with. I fell in love with her all over again and in June we will celebrate our 23rd anniversary. I know now that I will never fall out of love with her again. It can happen, but it may take more than wishing it to happen. Go back and see what attracted you to each other in the beginning and start looking at the person you love. Believe me everything from our friendship to our lovemaking has been much better since I found those letters and realized what a wonderful woman I had married.
I think yes sure you can as long as there is still that love there.My hubby and I did come apart from each other during my last pregnancy we never said that we were going to get a divorce to each other but we were more like the only reason why we are still together is because of our kids.What helped us is my actually being fully honest with each other about everything that we were feeling and working on them.Alot of the time we say we will work on it but we don’t but this time around we did and now we are happily in love with each other.And it feels so good knowing that we didn’t just throw in the towel and remain the way that we were.
You’re never going to constantly feel those "first-love" feelings 24/7.
If you did you’d never get anything done.
Those feelings come back when you have your date nights, or when you happen to look up and he’s looking at you, or when you’re on vacation together, or when you get to shower together…or the quiet afternoon when you child is taking a nap…..etc etc. etc.
It’s the little things that keep the romance going….not the once a year biggies.
First of all, I’m sorry that you are hurting and I give you credit for trying to rekindle your love with your spouse. I am engaged at the time and my fiance and I are very much in love. We do things for one another, we have open lines of communication, and we make sure that we have alone time together. When I say that we do things for one another, I mean little things, like compliments on looks, like "hunny, you look really nice today" or "i like your butt in those jeans", haha. One thing that my fiance and I have is respect, we respect each other. I suggest that you and your husband sit down and talk about what made you fall in love with each other in the first place. You may find that you both have fallen in your love phase because of the new child and getting older and experiencing life. I would say that you need to start by have 20 minutes of alone time per day. You can spend that alone time just laying down, or just looking into each other’s eyes, or you can just talk. Start slow, that is key and communication is also key. Good Luck and hope you can rekindle your love for your husband because love is such an amazing thing.
Being the woman, YOU have all the power here. Us men are pretty simple things. Give us kindness and respect and we’ll move mountains for our families. You need to be the person that you would want to come home to . Set up something for when he comes home tonight, like candles and a bath or oils and a backrub and look foreward to it all day yourself. It’s not like he’ll be all goo-goo over the actual event but just the fact that you’ve planned and looked foreward to it will send his heart through the roof.
Flirt with him constantly- like you did when you first started your relationship.
Act like his "girlfriend" again.
Any reasonable man will eat this stuff up and make sure that you’re the happiest woman on earth.
Have fun with it!
Take care!
Yes it is. Those romance novel marriages where you are always so in love and always oh-so-horny for him are just that, novels.
Marriage is like a rubber band, sometimes you are this close, sometimes you wander off a bit, and this is where a smart woman like you comes into play.
1. Schedule regular dates and spend some time away from work, your house and your children. Having some ‘alone’ time together will surely liven things up a bit and start putting the romance back into your marriage.
2. As the years pass, you get to be more lax in showing your affection to your partner. You argue about little things and you find the marriage stifling. If you learn to become more understanding and tolerant of the other’s shortcomings, a lot of petty fights will be prevented. Also, learn to be more sensitive to the needs of one another.
3. Generally, there is a misconception that you love your mate for what you think he or she is. In reality, you fell in love because of what you think that person will become for you. You expect your partner to change or be someone that they are actually not .This could lead to a lot of hurt and misunderstanding between a couple. Instead of trying to mold your partner into someone that you want them to be, why not look the other way? Find out what your partner thinks you should improve on. Try to think if this change will bring about a better you. This could lead to a lot more room for improvement in your married life, and allow your partner be happier with the new you.
4. As a couple, freely complimenting each other – and doing this often – would help put the romance back into your married life. Also, over the years, you tend to overlook the basic things like thanking our spouse for a favor done, or complimenting her on looking great or saying I love you. If you just go back to basics and not forget these simple courtesies, you will have a more respectful relationship that you both will be contented with.
5. Accept your body, love your body and learn how to express yourself sexually to him, too.
Love for you is affection, love for him is sex. Be creative, be sexual, remember sexuality is a blessing in marriage.
i think you can. i thought i fell out of love with my husband, but i now realize i love him, but too late. he left me. he now says he doesn’t love me. please try.
There is an author and marriage counselor that seems to think so. I remember reading about him years ago.
He says that if 2 people both want to fall or stay in romantic love again, it can absolutely happen. Here is an article on his site that talkes about that:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8118_real.html
I found this article very helpful, and YES you can!
http://health.yahoo.com/relationships-overview/the-reinvention-of-marriage/pt–Psychology_Today_articles_pto-19920101-000032.html
In that article it talks about a Markman, who has started teaching these classes to save marriages and help couples fall in love again.
His classes and people are all over the country…
Here is that web site http://www.prepinc.com/main/cprep_skills_training.asp
And here is a link to that directory page http://www.prepinc.com/main/find_prep.asp
Remember having people help is NEVER bad and can shed a lot of light on where you need work so you can fall in love again! Marriage is tough and you are not always going to have times when you are very in love, but remember why you married that person, what little things made you smile! Try to be more youthful too! It’s so easy to get all caught up in a routine, I don’t know where you live, but try hiking, or rafting, just SOMETHING to put you on the edge, make your blood go and bring ADVENTURE back into your relationship!
Also, I loved the book by John and Stasi Eldredge called "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul"
they also have "Wild at Heart" which is for the men. They are NOT like normal, how to books, but deep getting to the center of our issues. You can’t fully love someone else until you LOVE yourself.
Woman need three things to be a…
Irreplaceable part of a GREAT adventure.
Unveil Beauty
and to be Romanced.
Men need…
A Great Adventure
A beauty to Rescue
And to Answer the Question… Am I good Enough?
It’s hard work and love will always be! I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope this helps!
it didn’t take "work" to fall in love initially…so why not take a break from all the "work" & simply enjoy life with one another….alone & as a family (with the kid(s) too)?
Love is an emotion that’s more than fickle….But what you may be experiencing the growth of mature love or unconditional love; rather, AGAPE love. Romance is what you’re probably missing….spontaneity. That’s easy to overlook once committed b/c of the every day must-do list we encounter (even moreso once children arrive). Try simple activities like picnic in the backyard or romantic dinner for 2 (3 incl the kiddy) just light a few candles, dress up the table & play some light music….anything & everything goes…
Whatever U guys attempt keep it light & with the same carefree, yet loving mood as you’d had in the beginning.
I don’t believe its possible. First of all – if you are in love with him – you would have never fallen OUT of love with him. I was with a guy for 2 yrs – and then we seperated and married others – for 20 yrs. We are now back together – – I have never fallen out of love with him. I have loved him for 20 yrs regardless of how much we were not happy with each other through the years(we had a child together 20 yrs ago).
So – if you say you want to "fall in love" with him again – thats a problem —- because if its true love – you would have never fallen out of love to begin with!
The secret is not letting love die in the first place. This can be done by not letting romance and affection deminish. My wife and I have been married for 57 years. I always hold my wife\’s hand when we walk. I always let her know that she is the most important person in my life. I always try to be romantic and affectionate. I always remember her birthday and our aniversary. I get up before her every morning and make breakfast. When she comes down I hug and kiss her goodmorning. It isn\’t that I\’m different than other men. It\’s hard work. I don\’t always feel romantic and affectionate but I do it anyway.
However if your love has already died, what would I suggest. I suggest that you pretend to be madly in love. If you pretend long enough you may find that you will come to believe it. Anyway your spouse will eventually respond and in time you will both become the persons you fell in love with.