How do I fall in love with my husband?
K brief story. I’ve been married many times (1 alcoholic, 2 cheaters). I was only really in love with my last husband who cheated on me many times. He made our lives a nightmare, the kids couldn’t make a sound while he was home, we had to live by his rules and there was no room for error. But I hung in there until he left. I even asked him to come home, how humiliating. Well I finally moved on with my life but a part of me died. The ability to truly be in love is gone and I don’t want it back. I miss it and am very sad about not having that being a part of my life ever again. But I never want to be hurt that bad again so I will not allow myself to fall in love again, ever. Now having said that, I remarried a wonderful man. But I am not in love with him, and it is getting harder to pretend that I do. I refuse to divorce. So any suggestions are welcome.
I think I did not explain enough. My husband knows how I feel, and I treat him like a king. I do care for him and take very good care of him. We are like a couple who has been married for 20 yrs. I was talking about the "your heart skips a beat every time you see them kind of love" I miss that. But then I am afraid to surrender to it also. And to inform the negative people that chimed in, first I am not a golddigger. I have always worked and never taken a dime from any of my husbands. Next, it is not my fault that my husbands cheated. How can you blame someone for somebody cheating on them? Now I knew that my first husband drank but I had no idea how much until after we were married. My second husband is weak, he will do anything anyone tells him to especially women, so when they began their "relations" it was because they pursued him and he just went along with it. My third husband, I knew was a cheater but I thought he was a christian and had changed.
I do not jump into marriage lightly. I dated each one of my husbands at least 2 yrs before marriage. I did not live with my husbands before marriage so I could not be aware of their "habits" until we started living together. Now my 3rd husband had everyone fooled, coworkers, church friends, etc. Then one day he just never came home, did a 180 degree turn on everyone. We were all in shock. I was married almost 10 yrs (each) to my 2nd & 3rd husbands. My first was less than 3 because I gave him a choice me or the booze, he choose the booze. And to answer why I got married again is simple, my husband while not perfect, is the kindest, most loving person I’ve ever met. If I let him get away I would never find anyone else like him. I am very blessed to have him as my husband.
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Tagged with: Alcoholic • cheater • cheaters • divorce • Error 110 • Fall In Love • golddigger • heart skips a beat • Hung • love quot • love story • marriage • nightmare • wonderful man
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Most people in Western cultures believe that marriage is supposed to be about love. This isn’t always the case, though. Sometimes, marriages are about improving the social well being of most or all involved parties.
If you respect him you should want him to understand this; it may hurt him when he finds out, but it will be much better in the long run.
Love is a double-edged sword. On one side, some of the great experiences come out of true love. On the other hand, it makes possible some of the worst possible injuries one can suffer in life.
First, you need to decide if you want to love again. Even in your short account, you contridict yourself about wanting to be in love. You can make yourself fall in love with your new husband if you really want to. The power of human imagination is awe inspiring. If you wish to be in love with him, imagine it like you want it to be. Then help him achieve that.
you should think about marrying some one before you do it. make sure its some one you love and who loves you
why in H would you marry a nice guy and not love him?? You sound like your own worst enemy. You need to start finding his best qualities and start focusing on them. No wonder your husbands cheated, geez lady@!
IT is hard to force yourself to be in love with someone. I dont even think it is possible. Sometimes when we get hurt as a result of being a love, we create a barrier in our heart as protection. I know because I feel the same way ( although the circumstances are different).
You might be able to love him with time, all you can do for now is be respectful, treat him kindly and be there for him.
You cannot fake being in love, and you shouldnt.
I personally don’t believe in love anymore, but if you have a man that is good to you maybe you should try and let your guard down a little and maybe you could love him.
You should have fallen in love with him before you married. I dont mean to be harsh as its a horrid situation but if you dont love him, cut him loose. You are being very selfish. You will be lucky if he doesnt divorce you! Get some help – professional help. Stop putting your kids through this cr*p too.
Heavy deal you been dealing with, the questions to ask yourself is why don’t you love him, I think its because your not use to peace and harmony.
Do fun things with him, get into it, and let go of the past, change only takes a decision.
Go for it!
You can’t make yourself fall in love with someone, period the end.
Just realize what you have and how he makes you feel, if he’s a good husband and is good to you and the kids then that should make you feel content in the relationship. If your heart is stuck on never loving again then how can you?
Free your heart of all the other ass*oles and start all over. If you can’t love yourself you will never love anyone else.
Stick in there and just be happy where you are, stop thinking about the bad stuff and focus on the good things happening.
For the record never marry anyone you don’t love.
You really know how to chose them.. Well you already said it yourself that you refuse to fall in love again and you cant make yourself fall in love. I think it is unfair to your husband that you feel this way, why are waisting his time for? If he’s a WONDERFUL MAN why are you being selfish and staying in his life? i suggest you do him a favor and leave. It seems like your used to settling in relationships, stay by yourself for a while and find yourself.
Why would you get married 4 times? You must be a really stupid gold digger
allow him into your heart.
If he is truely a wonderful man, then open up your heart and take the chance to love again. He deserves that from you and if you can’t then do him a favor and let him go.
it sounds like you just jump from marriage to marriage without much thought. you need to love yourself before you can love someone else.
Much more than we care to notice, love is a principle. Read 1 Corinthians 13 and look at the principles. Be a good wife to him and take great pride in doing it. Love takes time. In the mean time, appreciate all this wonderful man is doing for you. Determine that even though the ‘emotional, sexual attraction’ that you probably felt for the other husband, might not be there, but in time it will mature if you commit to creating it. If you want to love him, treat him like you do, and after enough practice, you will. Some things are not automatic, they are manual, you have to make yourself do it. Find all the good things about him and use them for reasons to love him. Determine he won’t be just another husband. The mind can be trained to do anything, you just try it. I have done it.
I’m sorry, but I think I’m going to be a bit harsher than everyone else.
Why do you keep getting married?!? It seems that you feel every relationship you get into has to end in marriage. How’s that workin out for ya? Maybe you need to start focusing on your children instead of the next guy/husband that comes along.
Anyway, what I don’t understand is if you "don’t have the ability" to love, and don’t want it, then why would you go and marry this latest guy?? Do you understand the concept of marriage?!? Marriage is a committment between two people who ARE MUTUALLY IN LOVE with EACH OTHER, and want to spend the rest of their lives with only one another. It seems that you have wasted this poor man’s time and life, as well as dragged your children through more of your inevitable drama.
You need to get a life, lady! Make your world revovle around yourself and your children, instead of a man!!
after all is said and done,we will find ourselves knowing that no man is an island.now if the man you remarried now is truly that wonderful as you say he is, he should understand what your feeling is right now,you are emotionally and physically battered by your past…you need him to forget all about that and you need to be honest about it and tell him. yes, you might not be INLOVE with him now but you do love him…just by that you wont need to pretend about ur feelings,then theres the begginning of your most wonderfull ending…goodluck
There are all kind of love in a marriage and you can go through all of them during your marriage. Don’t ever say never. You could fall in love with him if you keep an open mind. You don’t have to pretend, because you do love him. No one stays in love there whole life. That is only the beginning and then the love changes and gets better and better the longer it goes, until death do you part.
You are the kind of girl that likes the mistreatment that the bad boys give you. Deep down, you think you don’t deserve to be happy.So you seek out these destructive relationships. A good man is impossible for you to love.So you are forever going to go through the circus worlds of men that mistreat you and will never know the happiness that could be yours, if you could only love one of the good guys that love you.