How can I save sex for marriage?
I’m a 19-year-old college girl, and for personal and religious reasons (I’m Christian), I’ve committed to remaining a virgin until my wedding night. I still want to date now, because naturally my body is encouraging me to have sex, and I want very much to fall in love and move toward that wedding night. The only trouble is that it seems most guys are accustomed to getting sex much earlier in a relationship than I’m willing to provide it, and I’m worried they’ll all get snatched up by girls who put out sooner.
Also, I hear so much talk about wanting to ensure "sexual compatibility" before marriage. This doesn’t really make sense to me because I’m thinking that if we have compatible sex drives, as well as similar morals and desires when it comes to sex (all of which we can find out just by talking), and we both have all functioning parts, there can’t be any real sexual incompatibility. Of course, I’m a virgin, so if I’m wrong on this, do tell. My point being that many people consider premarital sex common, and even practical.
So here’s the thing: I want a man who will respect my desire to save sex for marriage, who will be willing to marry without a "test run," and who will be patient enough to work with me on the honeymoon until I’m able to please him sexually. Are they still out there? If so, where can I find them? Are there any men on Y!A who are also waiting?
greatprincemichael, that was completely unhelpful. I’m already aware that most people in our society engage in premarital sex. If you read the question, I’m looking for someone to help me live up to my personal standards, not to scoff at them. A conservative church has not forced these values on me; I have chosen them myself based on my own personal interpretation of the Bible, and based on what I do and don’t want to experience in my life.
Thanks to everyone else for the wonderful answers! I really appreciate the suggestions, the encouragement, the personal experience, and the humour!
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Tagged with: college girl • conservative church • Desires • encouragement • girls • honeymoon • humour • interpretation of the bible • life thanks • love • marriage • morals • personal experience • personal interpretation • personal standards • premarital sex • relationship • religious reasons • scoff • Sex Marriage • sexual compatibility • sexual incompatibility • test run • virgin • wedding night
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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i understand exactly where you’re coming from, because i’m also a 19-year-old girl in college who’s committed to saving sex for my husband. there’s one difference for me, though, and i hope this will help you feel a little more hopeful! i’ve been dating the same guy for five years, and we’re both very passionate about this particular virtue. while we do both have sexual desires for one another, it’s so much easier to deal with them when we know what to look forward to.
marriage is a full gift of yourself to another person; the two of you become one flesh. and sex is a huge part of that. you want to keep yourself pure, yes, but more than that, you want to give everything to the spouse you’ll be spending your entire life with. that’s what true love is. and wanting to keep that in mind throughout your whole life, especially when you’re under so much pressure from your peers and culture in general, is a wonderful gift to give your future husband.
it’s not impossible to find that guy! they’re still out there. in my opinion, holding a good, serious relationship with someone while also abstaining from sex requires two very important factors: openness and honesty. you should feel comfortable with the guy you’re dating – comfortable enough to talk about anything. and when things start to get serious, your opinions on chastity should be something you readily discuss. it’s important to be up-front about how you feel, especially when it comes to such an intense and meaningful subject. it may be hard, but it will only benefit you down the line – and it’ll save you a lot of stress, confusion, and possibly regret.
i highly recommend getting involved in either your church or any religious organizations on your school’s campus. if you get yourself involved in activities and clubs that reflect your faith, you’re very likely to meet people (and guys your age) who are looking for the same things you are. that would be the best place i think you could start.
also (sorry this is so long, but i swear this is the last thing!), you should look into learning about/studying the Theology of the Body. it was written by Pople John Paul II, but even if you’re not Catholic, it will provide you with tons of really good information and support that discusses exactly the virtues you’re describing here. it could help you find some extra confidence in your virtues, especially in the face of all the temptations and pressures you’re facing! you might find some useful information here: http://www.theologyofthebody.net/. there are also books and dvds out there with tons of info!
good for you, God bless, and stay strong!
just don’t do it before marriage !!!
Move to Iran. You’ll be bought up and married in days.
You are gonna get a bunch of guys answering saying
"I want to wait."
"I have chosen the same thing."
"I am looking for the same thing."
Don’t believe them. Most guys are virgins because the opportunity for sex hasn’t been there and/or their own hormones haven’t kicked in yet.
That said. Go to church. Church is your best bet to find guys like you are describing.
There are some out there. Watch the Dugger family on tv. One of the kids just did the same thing.
There are tons of men that feel the same way as you do. You just have to wait. Dont go looking, it (he) will come to you.
Yes there are men out there who will respect your desire not to have sex until you’re married, and as far a test run regarding sex, don’t buy into that, you’ll know what to do when the time comes, you’ll do just fine. And I applaud you for saving yourself for that special person and hope you will continue to do so and don’t give into the pressure of sex.
There are other guys out their who feel/ think the same way. You just shouldn’t sleep with another guy unless u married em.and if the guy (s) u date want to have sex w/ u then tell them wat u think and if they keep on bringing it up.. then dump them since they don’t respet u…
good luck!!!!❤
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do not give in because you may think the guy is great n all but most guys leave if you give them what they want. if a guy sticks with you without having sex before marriage then then he is truly there for you and not just after sex. be patient and let the path you have chosen come around. you will actually be better off.
If a guy starts to pressure you for sex and you don’t want to do it, dump that guy. Clearly he does not respect you. Most guys around your age and older probably are not virgins. There are nice guys out there waiting for a girl like you, but you have to look hard and be patient. It’s ok to date many guys just don’t have sex. Where are you looking for these guys? Nice guys will most likely be in "good" places. Don’t date guys you find in clubs…probably will just want sex. Do you work? Maybe there is a nice guy there but you just have not noticed him. Maybe he’s at church (watch out though cause there is also bad guys there)
I am much the same as you and am happily married, my best advice is too try and date people that have the same values as you, and find out when you meet a guy in a nice way what his values are. I’m Mormon and while I did date guys out of my religion I found many times it was easier to date within the religion. But when I did date outside I explained in conversation (not immediatly) my values. I figured out after a date or two if it was an issue or not. Happy to say that I was fortunate in meeting some really nice guys in college that respected my values. I’m married at 23 a virgin and have been happily married for four years now. Oh and btw the "sexual compatibilty" thing, studies show that couples who live together and ensure this first don’t tend to make it last verses those who don’t. Hang in there stick to what you want in life and you’ll be just fine.
First of all…Good for you for wanting to wait! and secondly, there are guys out there who are saving sex for marriage, probably more than you think! The best places to meet guys could be anywhere like Church, any clubs or organizations. Just stick to your beliefs and you’ll find a great guy that matches perfectly to you
I used to go to conservative churches that teach that abstinence crap, and I learned that the leaders of these churches actually crack jokes about 30 and 40 year-old virgins behind their backs. Now I just send my Christian friends to the site below which debunks the whole thing against premarital sex in the Bible. It covers same-sex lifestyles too. I hope it helps you.
Just stick to your beliefs and understand that they are YOUR beliefs and have faith that you will find the right man who will respect and honor them. You\\\’re only 19 – you still have plenty of time. Don\\\’t try to rush marriage. It\\\’s for the rest of your life so you want to make sure he\\\’s the right one.
Always be true to yourself. That said, there are men out there who will share your views. However, sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. Studies show that sexual incompatibility is a leading cause of divorce. I suggest you check out pillowtalkprofiles.com – it will help you and your guy discover your sexuality – in your own time, in total privacy and without embarrassment.
Keep the following quotes in mind as you discover life:
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don\\\’t matter and those who matter don\\\’t mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one\\\’s definition of your life; define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein
Why try to be someone you\\\’re not? Life is hard enough without adding impersonation to the skills required. ~Robert Brault