How do you make your marriage last a lifetime?
We all know that relationships are not easy and that two people living under the same roof raising kids and dealing with the stress in life both outside of the home and within, do not always get along. When times get tough and you find yourselves arguing everyday about the stupidest things, when the sex becomes non existent, when your goals become different, when you stop making time for each other… how do you push through the "divorce talks" and re-kindle your marriage? How do people make their marriage last a lifetime?
My husband and I are not quitters by any means, but our marriage feels like it is falling apart. We have a two year old and we want him to be raised in a loving home. But, it hasn’t felt like a loving home for about a year and a half. We don’t do anything together, we don’t agree on anything, we bicker, I nag, he ignores. Depression, anger, excuses, hostility, confusion, frustration… too many emotions constantly filling our home. We have been through counseling and he refuses to go to any sessions. I’ve tried the marriage self help books, involving myself in other activities and church to help me feel better… I am just stumped. I feel myself feeling more annoyed with him everyday and I’m to the point where I can’t stand being around him and I cringe whenever he touches me.
What is wrong with me? How the heck do I get back to feeling my marriage is worth saving? I know I can’t change my husband and all I can do is improve myself and my actions. I took my vows seriously… but how do I make it last until death do us part… through good times and bad?
Advice? (Yes we have talked about all of the above emotions and situations numerous times… but I am frustrated so I am on here asking)
I was simply stating the known facts about marriage… it is hard work! Nobody has all the answers… I just want to know what other people have done to get through the ups and downs of their marriages.
How do you make your marriage last a lifetime?
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Tagged with: 100 People • anger • bad advice • confusion • counseling • depression • divorce • emotions • frustration • good times • hasn • heck • hostility • lifetime • marriage • raising kids • relationships • self help books • sessions • stress • ups • ups and downs • vows
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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ALL marriages have their ups and downs – just like a roller coaster. You seem to be in a down phase – not as exciting or happy as an up stage, just like that roller coaster. Only you two know what energy you need to put into your relationship to get it back uphill and running again, otherwise you stay stuck at the bottom until your relationship falls off the tracks entirely. Many people find that bottom phase to be too hard and they give up and let it all derail. But if you understand this is a natural thing and are patient enough to work through it, you will have a marriage that lasts forever. It is ALL YOUR CHOICE! Give it a rest for a while – stop worrying and fretting and learn to enjoy each other again. Having a small child can add to your frustrations. ( I know – I had 3!)
you started out talking as if you had all the answers ,now you act like you are ready to turn tail ! whats up with that !
Sarah all you can do is your best. Like you said, "you can’t change your husband". He has to want it just as much as you do. The two of you must walk together and agree. There is really nothing anyone can say that you haven’t heard already. Keep HOPING and PRAYING for change…really that’s all you can do. I wish you well :O)
Picture a triangle. You and he are at the two bottom corners. God is at the top center. As you each move closer to God, you can’t help but draw to each other.
No one here would know how to make a marriage last forever, since everyone is still alive. Sorry, had to say it
I dont know everything but these are the key things to remember don play the blame game take a look at your own behavoir before passing judgement. Dont do the whole i need a break thing keep communication open and also seek council. Be a listener not a talker and all this goes both ways
Never criticize each other. You are together to make each others life easier. Do not make the other person responsible for your happiness, its not possible. When one of you is having a bad day, don’t take it personal. I wash, he drys. He works, I make the household run. If I’m not appreciated then I go shopping and he will starve until he gets it. Life doesn’t have to be complicated.
commitment,communication, and compromise and a lot of prayers will always work it has for me for the last six years. with God all things are possible.
When i was married to my ex husband, he makes all kind of promises and swears to god that no matter what happen, he and I will always be together and raised our son in a perfect happy home family. I took seriously in my religion in what i should be as a good wife and mother and trying to be a perfect wife and a perfect mother , I read alot and always thought i could be the most luckiest wife and mother can be for my ex husband. I became a full time house wife and wanted to give the best to my family. I am not perfect and I always try to fix what ever problems there was at the time, unfortunately my seriousness in making a perfect family were torn apart into pieces when I was away with my son who was the time 2 months old on my home country for vacation. My ex husband abandoned us and do all kind of nasty things to me. Mentally putting me down, days and night i cried. I was going through depressions and I tried so hard from thousand miles away saving our marriage but it was a failure, he and his GF at the time were actually making fun of me for trying to save our marriage.He was already with someone else and I was so broken hearted only god knows how i feel day and night praying. Months had past and I finally came out of it and come back to the states and finalized everything in my divorce. I am now very happy, peace and calm eventhough at the beginning was hard, but I had a great moral support from people that loves me alot, I am grateful without my ex husband in my life. Thinking at how he treat me like thrash and with no respect. Even denying our son that time. But everything happen for a reason in our life. I believe God has a good plan for me and I am very happy, I am working hard in achieving my professional education and raising my son at the same time and having a great future husband who has not once stop supporting me morally in everything that i do with my life now, although everytime thinking at what my ex did to me, it hurts me and can’t understand how cruel a husband and a father can be to his own family.
My point is, It is hard if its only you try to work it out and your husband is not supporting you and him to fix the marriage, all i can say is keep praying and have faith in god. What ever reasons in life, god has a purpose, maybe later in life, your husband would regret and by the time your life is much better than it is now. Try and there’s only certain things in life that you can control, and some things in life you just can;t control. Your hard work in saving marriage may not be recognize now but later.
I"m in the same situation. I"ve been married for 23 years and have been ignored and neglected for about 22 of them. I have prayed and hoped for many years that things would get better and they haven’t and have gotten worse. Counseling hasn’t helped. I recently filed for divorce because I felt there was no other option. I thought for many years that the marriage was worth saving. But I’ve come to realize that we have become too different to stay together. I thought my prayers would eventually be answered the way I wanted but someone told me that sometimes the answer to prayers is "No". You have to decide for yourself if things are good enough to stay or if things just aren’t going to get better. Sometimes life doesn’t give you a "happily ever after". I hope things work out for you.
Ear plugs and rose coloured glasses…
Some of the comments on this particular site regarding marriage and relationships are both sad and funny in their own way. I have been married for nearly 40 years this August. I was young when i married 23 years old in 1970, young love and all that many people have experienced it i would think in their lives. Sharing problems is one aspect of the path to a good relationship i think and also helping each other when you can not letting the other person do all the work regarding looking after the home etc. That can cause resentment and when that happens it is not good for a relationship. Personally some people are not marriage material they want to marry and carry on the same way they did before they married or started living with a person. I think once you take on someone else in a relationship you have another to consider and their feelings to think about. Of course i am not saying you are joined at the hip you need space as well, but things change and in my experience your life does go down a different path. Relationship can be hard work as we are all different and the diversity of human nature is very varied. But in most causes if the relationship runs into problems it can be sorted out i think not all but many can be. I think some couples throw in the towel to quickly as soon as problems arise, once the wedding day with all the hype has gone they seem to become bored with the situation and want out which is quite wrong, you can’t live on a wedding day forever that is only one aspect of it all. I think if people go into a marriage or relationships with the attitude i can get out of it if i don’t like it that much they shouldn’t go into it if they aren’t that serious about making it work.