Am I being selfish or irrational about my wife not being with me on my birthday?
OK, I am really twisted up here and I need some perspective. I am not an overly needy person, but my birthday is HUGE to me, it has always been a big deal. There are some (perhaps irrational) emotions tied up for me with my birthday. SO…… my wife’s brother and his wife are due to have a baby around my birthday. They feel like they really need some help with the baby during that time as he needs to work and the new mother would be alone. They have asked my wife to take 5 days and spend with them to help out. I am totally good with helping them out, and I fully support her taking time away to go do that……..
JUST NOT ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I feel like I don’t ask for much, but what I asked for way ahead of time is that we have 4 days together, 2 for just her and I and a couple with family and friends. This is a big birthday for me and I have counted on it and looked forward to it for months.
My wife contends that she loves her brother and that she doesn’t understand why i can’t postpone my birthday… 1st issue is that our daughter has her birthday the following week so thats a no go, second issue is that I won’t have time off from work again until next year, so in essence I won’t get a birthday this year. Please see the first sentence, my Birthday is HUGE to me.
To top it all off, I am feeling like she doesn’t take the ‘Above all other, no matter what" clause in the wedding vows seriously, and that this wouldn’t even really be a question if she truly loved me above all others. So I guess I’m feeling pretty lopsided in the relationship.
I want her brother to get the help, just not during my birthday celebration My wife and I have been having a hard time for a while, and I would think that the priority would be me/us/our marriage but it doesn’t seem that she shares the same priorities as I do.
HELP!!! I need perpective!!
WOW, like they say don’t ask if you don’t want the answer. I agree that I have a childish hang up over my birthday, but how childish is it to call names and make snotty remarks to someone who is legitimately struggling and asking for help?? Some of this feedback couldn’t have been handled politely??
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Tagged with: amp • birthday celebration • brother • emotions • family and friends • hard time • marriage • needy person • new mother • perspective • priorities • priority • quot • relationship • taking time
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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i won’t say you’re being childish or selfish but if you love your wife, you won’t put her on the spot and make her choose between you and her family and you won’t make her feel guilty. you will tell her what you want and let her decide and tell her you support whatever she thinks is right. you can’t always get your way on things and sometimes you have to make sacrafices for the greater good.
What you need to do is grow up. I can’t believe you are a family man and a father and you are throwing a tantrum because of your birthday.
It is very immature and selfish on your part to put any blame on your wife. You are thinking about you, never mind we, us as you said. If I were your wife I would have dumped you long time ago, so count your blessings that she is still putting up with your baby attitude.
Yes it sounds a little childish and selfish.
No in actuality, it is ridiculously childish and selfish, my 13 year old would be more mature about the whole thing. Your birthday, me me me? wtf is wrong with you? I swear to you if my husband even suggested his birthday was more important and some kind of priority to the birth of a new family member, I would lose every single ounce of respect for him.
My opinion is that you are being selfish and irrational. I understand that your birthday is a big deal to you. Guess what? This is a baby’s birthday—the REAL birthday coming up—a lot bigger birthday than yours. Sometimes in a marriage you have to make sacrifices and I think letting your wife help out with her new niece or nephew whether it’s on your birthday or not is what you’re going to have to do.
Sometimes you just have to deal with things and make other arrangements. That’s life. If you guys decide to have kids then you have to make new arrangements almost all the time. Why can’t you guys do something small? Does it have to be a huge thing that takes up the entire day? Bring this up with your wife. and FYI babies are hardly ever due the exact day they are supposed to be due. My baby was due april 9th and I had to be induced and she didn’t come until april 15th.
You have the maturity of a 12 year old
you do need a little perspective.celebrate your bd on another day let your wife help her brother out.it is the birth of a child,and someday you might be in the same situation.me im fine either way,i usually go out and play a round of golf by myself,call up some buddies and go out to dinner and play some xbox,shoot some pool go bowling,go to borders and read some books and have a hot chocolate
Here is a perspective…
I agree GROW UP. Put yourself in your brother-in-law’s shoes. He has to work so the mother would be alone without your wife. Could you imagine the feelings, and the pain she would go through alone? Think back to when your wife was pregnant. I’m sure it was intense at the end. All those emotions hitting you two at once. Imagine going it alone. So this may be a big birthday. Celebrate with some friends. Celebrate with your daughter. I’m sure she would rather be with you but the birthday itself is not a priority.
Are you a grownup? You sound like a whiny little kid. Schedule for another time and show compassion for someone in need. Sounds like your wife is a kind and helpful person while you’re going to sit on the couch with your arms folded like a 4 year old. Wow.
It’s not uncommon for only children to feel selfish about their birthdays but in a case like this it becomes time for them to, as you say, get a little perspective. I’m guessing that you’re an only child otherwise you would see her side of this issue a little more clearly. Does you daughter’s birthday take longer than a week. If she is also your wife’s daughter you might consider sharing your birthday with her I think that you will find that your daughter would enjoy hers all that much more, and your wife would love you all the more for it. Don’t you think that this is just as much or almost as much of a sacrifice for your wife as it is for you. I think she might show you that if you would try to be a little more understanding. I take it that you do anticipate having another birthday next year and you imply that you will get time off for it, you just don’t expect to be married to wife then.
I share the same childish need. You may want to seek help. I just had my 32nd Bday and it was BAD. It seemed to revolve around what my other half wanted to do and what I wanted did not seem to matter. the events around it are to long to go into. IT ended with having a two year old fit. After seeing my shrink it had nothing to do with my Bday that was just a trigger for me. I was having childhood trama of being abused. so my 2cents is to seek help!