Please advice if I should go back and live again with my husband and mother in law?
My husband and I got married 2 yrs ago in California. After 6 mos of marriage my Mother in law fell into depression and threaten to kill herself. The problem is my MIL is a very mean lady (not sure if depression can be blame to her behavior). She loves to spray lysol when I cook, sleep in front of our room, open our room without knocking and ignore me (never talks to me). Its been a year now since I moved but I am still unable to find employment, I am stuck with her all day and its driving me crazy so i told my husband I will visit my family to California. Its been 4 weeks since I left Florida but the thought of mistreatment from my mother in law makes me think twice about going back to Florida. I still love my husband but being with means I need to live with MIL.
My husband support his mother and she’s only in her early 50s and she always said she will kill herself if my husband send her to live somewhere else. I really felt its mostly manipulation on her part but i leave it up to my husband to decide what he believes. He always tells me to just understand my MIL because she is sick.
sorry for the grammar…I am originally from India
Please advice on what to do. Thanks
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Tagged with: 50s • advice • depression • Employment • going back to florida • grammar • india • Live 105 • love • marriage • Marriage Law • mother in law • sleep
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Do not apologize for your grammar first of all. It is fine. And since you are originally from India, I do know how hard this must be for you. But you have not felt safe and loved in your home for a long time. Your husband respects his mother and she manipulates him. That is obvious, and she makes your life hell.
Stay where you are. If your husband wants the marriage to work then he commit his mother to a place where she can get some help. She needs help not her son. She hates you and thinks you have taken her son from her. He should never have allowed this behavior to begin. You married him, not her.
She is not going to be happy until you are gone, one way or another. And how much abuse is he going to allow her to dish out before he speaks up. Obviously he does not want you to speak up for yourself.
Stay where you are and stay safe. If the marriage is worth saving, he will do the right thing. If not, you are better off without him. She has a lot of life left and can you see yourself in this situation 20 years from now? When she does become sick and unable to care for herself, the responsibility will fall on you. This woman is manipulative and her son allows it.
Stay where you can at least have peace. You do not have to get a divorce. But I would tell my husband that I could not live with a sick woman any longer who keeps him at her beck and call. If she is sick, she needs help.
Nope. Stay gone. She is hateful and will only continue to make your life Hell. If he supported you rather than her, I would tell you to go back. But he doesn’t. Move on. Hopefully he will learn his lesson. Manipulative or not, you deserve to be treated with respect. This is not respect it is actually abuse.
I would stand my ground, why should you have to give in and be unhappy.
You walked out on your husband in the time of need. Remember your vows, for better or for worse? what happened to that?
Your married to your hubby NOT your MIL and is your hubby can not see the manipulation or will not at least put his mother in her rightful place…depression or not I wouldn’t go back either. Your hubby has to decide if he is going to be your hubby or his mothers biggest fool. If this woman is threatening suicide she should be in a hospital NOT manipulation people. If she does ultimately commit suicide it is NO ONES FAULT BUT HER OWN!! You need to take a stand and tell your hubby that the two of you must begin to build your lives as a couple or I would stay put.
i wouldn’t go back to that putrid environment
I think that you should stay gone unless she leaves.
Yeah the vows say for better or for worse, but they
also say to honor and cherish. Not let your mommy
move in and treat your wife like crap.
She is manipulating him, and sounds like she is
doing a really good job of it.
If you do speak with him tell him you will not come
back as long as she is there. There are assisted
living homes that she could go to, and I am sure
there would be one close by where you live.
I live in a very rural community and there is one
5 minutes from me. Not a nursing home, but an
assisted living home.
Good Luck!
You get points for not being livid about this. It’s a tough situation to say the least.
I think you should resolve to not be intimidated by your mother in law. She sounds hard to live with,
but you can set your limits; urge your husband to be more firm in controlling her negative behavior. This is his mother, and he should be on your side. This is not too much of you to ask of him.
Spraying Lysol while you cook…I’m a cook. She probably doesn’t like the smell of curry. Maybe a strong hood over the stove would help. I love curry, to bad for MIL!
There is no reason to live with that much drama. Have her committed. If she is saying that she will do harm to herself have her put away in a place where she can’t. But also do you really want to have kids with a man that obviously has metal illness in his family?