I love my wife. We just had a baby. Why did I cheat with a prositute?
I have been very very happily married for 3+ years. I got out of a bad relationship with a cheating wife prior to meeting my dream woman. Everything was perfect, great life, great career, great home and to top it off we just had our beautiful baby girl 2 months ago! I am the happiest man on the planet, love my family and love my wife with every ounce of my soul!
For some reason I went out and found a prostitute! Not only did I find a prostitute but I planned this encounter for a week, got a disposable cell phone made an afternoon appointment and booked the hotel room. I had this encounter with this prostitute and got caught due to some sloppy web surfing at home. I tried to lie my way out of it but ended up confessing the whole thing. After the encounter I felt like I had just ripped apart the foundation to my life. I made a promise to myself at that time that I would never cheat on my wife again. I felt empty.
My question is why do men feel the need to do this? I have just ruined my life and the life of the person that I love the most in this world! Our relationship will never be the same & I will not be able to be present at all of my daughters milestones, if this goes the way that I expect. I had it all and I can’t even explain to myself why I let this happen much less explain it to my wife. I will try to do what I can to keep this together but my wife will not be able to forget, forgive maybe but not forget!
Her first husband passed away and left her with a special needs son (who I love dearly) and our newborn baby girl Why did I do this? How much can a woman go through in her life. I never meant to hurt her, I am a very good person. Why did I do this and just ruin her life and everything we had built together? Why Why Why???
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Dude, that’s pretty low.
wow ur a loser. i cant believe you say you love her so much and never meant to hurt her, then f*ck some diesease infested hooker you dont even know. your the lowest of the low. i may not know ur wife but she probably doenst deserve you. i will not try to make u feel better >;/
but the answer to your question, men (well humans inn general) do that kind of stuff because we are never satisfied with anything we will ever have. its being human, but actually going out and doing it is wrong
My guess is that because your wife has a new baby her attention for you wasn’t there as much. I think normal guys go to prostitutes to feel closeness that they once felt with a wife or a significant other. I’m sure you didn’t mean to do it, but if she tries to look at this from your perspective and you guys truly love each other, she should try to work through it. Couples counseling.
Confess to your wife, go to counseling together, and pray she gives you another chance. Also, have full STD and HIV tests done. Don’t hurt her even worse by infecting her. Good luck.
nice ppl make mistakes too i guess. If you are lucky and she is giving you a second chance then first: get an std test at the doctor to make sure you dont have any diseases – even if you used a condom. Then do everything you can to make her fall in love with you again. Basically try to make her fall inlove with you all over again, every day. Do not hesitate to go to relationshio counselling and make sure your sex life is great – get karmasutra books, whatever, do whatever she wants, just make sure you build a good strong relationship again. Re-evaluate what a good relationship means for you and your wife. One you figure out what the origional problem was then fix it – ie if the problem was simply that you werent getting enough sex then have sex like bunnies (with your WIFE). Idk why you did this but i think its a cop out to say that men are inherently cheaters because I dont think thats true. If its true what you say, that you really are a nice person, then it sounds like you just made a really bad decision. Either that, or you are a horrible person disguised as a good person which is exactly what your wife is thinking right now – she feels very betrayed. Good luck. if you are both willing ot make this work it can.
Because the strength of your convictions is not as great as the strength of your libido. Why you did it is clear, but it is less important than developing the strength of character to avoid such (pardon me) stupid behavior. You have put your health and, worse, your wife’s health at risk. Serious risk.
If one has the flu it is not a good idea to take cold showers. If one is susceptible to the objectification of sexuality, as prompted by the whole fabric of our consumerist culture, one should avoid temptations. Limit your exposure to titillating books, movies, web-sites, etc. In their stead, fill that time with pursuits which will be more likely to strengthen your appreciation of the fact that others, invariably, are human beings with feelings, hopes, fears, desires and hang-ups. Learn to look at the world with the eyes of understanding, with the eyes of compassion.
We, you and I and all but a few highly evolved souls, are susceptible to temptation. The best way to overcome it is to avoid it in the first place.
I hope your wife can forgive you. I hope you haven’t contracted aids, syphillis or some other STD.
Good on ya!
First of all, considering you took a week to do this… You had plenty of time to think this through. The only "explaination" I can give YOU (it has nothing to do with your gender)… is maybe your life is too good, and too routine that you craved excitement and change. All this hiding, planning and doing must have been quite the rush… but then at what cost? Obviously you were to wrapped up in your own wants to care about the end result, of which you now severely regret doing. Now you’re just going to have to work your whole life with her to build the bonds of trust back with your wife, and I must say… trying to lie your way out of it probably made it even more damaging. I can see you are full of regret, and will not do this again. So show your wife that, even if she doesn’t ask… tell her what you’re doing, where you are going and when you’ll be back. Call her while you’re out just to say "Hi and how much you love her and can’t wait to be home." Do these validating things, offer your life on a plate all to see for her, after doing this for a long while… how can she doubt? If you ever feel like doing something ridiculous to compromise your beautiful marriage and life again, take a good LONG look into thaty mirror. Recall what happened last time, and go look at some dirty porn… cause that’s better than a nasty druggie hooker. I know I may have sounded a bit harsh, but I believe being straight forward is the best. You HURT someone you love, and compromised everything… So please believe me when I say… Good luck with this, and don’t give up. We are human and we are all guilty of err, don’t concentrate on what you did, concentrate on what you can do now to repair it. It’s not impossible. I hope that offers you something.
Dont listen to anyone calling you ‘loser’ or ‘scum’. You’re not – they just like drama and are pretty uneducated to be fair. I’m sure you’re a good person. Good people, however, do make terrible mistakes.
And this was a terrible mistake, you may never be able to explain it. You hurt your wife deeply – as well as hurt yourself.
The only thing you can do now is work on yourself – you wont be able to make it up to your wife even remotely unless you work on yourself. Accept what you did, fully, don’t try to explain it – just accept it. You’re a human being for crying out loud – as bad as this was, no one can ever be perfect. I’m not saying that excuses it, it doesn’t.. but society today tells us that it’s easy to go through life being nothing but absolutely perfect, and it’s not easy. Both men and women make mistakes, it’s not just men.
We are not monogamous creatures by nature, but by nurture – and sometimes nature really can override nurture, as much as all these people on their high-horses would like to spout otherwise.
As for your situation:
She may never forget, you’re right – and she might even take a long time to forgive. Never expect forgiveness. Tell her you don’t expect her forgiveness, but you will do anything you can for her despite that – not to get back into her good books, but because you love her and your family together. Tell her that her happiness is all you want, and you feel dreadful that you destroyed that.
A bit of a c0ck up guv’nor!
As others have said, you must confess and take the heat. I cannot judge because we all make mistakes in our lives, though I was the one cheated on. As to her response, I cannot say what it should be, but you are correct in that she will never forget though she may still come through for you. That is her choice, of course.
As mentioned as well, you must get tests for HIV and other STD’s done, and for her as well, if yu have had sex since.
Oh, and I think counselling may well be in order for you as an individual, and maybe as a couple depending on how she sees it.
I also do not believe that men are greater cheaters, though.
Why do men feel the need to do this?
Dude this is your problem, and it’s your doing. Don’t try to put this on the rest of us. Ask yourself why YOU felt the need to do that?
That you cheated on your wife after your previous wife did the same to you is even more disturbing. Maybe you were trying to even the score somehow, who knows?
Let’s see if I have this straight; you were happily married, had a perfect life but premeditated to pay for a prostitute to cheat on your wife with.
Evidently you can’t handle being happy.
Because unlike a wife, you know how much money the prostitute will cost you upfront.
I don’t believe for a moment, based on the new account, the sentence structure, and the point of view this was written… that you are the guy. You are most likely the wife of the guy looking for answers or venting.
<<Why did I do this and just ruin her life and everything we had built together? Why Why Why???>>
Yea, this is definetely written from a woman’s point of view.
Maybe you should ask that prostitute what your man really likes, perhaps you could keep him around a little longer if you learned how to please another person.
Why? Well, that would be presumptuous of me to say. It was your life after all.
Now, to do exactly that (presumptuousness be damned!)
Your wife just recently had a baby, correct? I can assume from that that she has been somewhat less available to you, not just sexually but emotionally as well. She has been distracted by all this, and you were not feeling the same connection that you usually felt from her.
You were lonely, because you had grown accustomed to her being there for you.
Now, if I may apply a generalization, because you love your wife, you didn’t want to tell her "I feel like you are ignoring me." I mean, you know how busy she is, all the energy that she needs to be putting into the kids. It is selfish to ask more of her, right? That is how most men think. That asking for more is selfish and that it will upset her. That is your first mistake.
But you are lonely. You have your own emotional needs, regardless of whether you tell her about them. She has drifted away, and you feel empty. Like there is a part that is missing. You think about it, and that part is the intimate connection with your wife.
And here is where you make your second mistake. You, like many, many others (of both genders), have confused sex with intimacy. Particularly when you already have an intimate sexual partner. But you can’t ask your wife to be more intimate. She is busy, and it would be cruel to expect her to put more focus onto you.
But you are lonely. This is where you make your third mistake. You make the decision that instead of asking more of your wife, you will go elsewhere. You will go to a prostitute, and you will get that intimate part of your life back, without your wife having to put out any more effort than she already is. So you plan it, and try to keep it secret because you know it will upset her.
This is where you make your final mistake. You failed to account for your wife. You were so caught up with not upsetting her that you decided she would be better not knowing, instead of realizing that if she cannot know, you should not be doing it. So you went through with your plan.
How close does that sound?
Remember this though: You are not scum. You are not a loser. You are simply a man who made four very grievous mistakes.
What can be done? Nothing but your apology and your commitment to showing your wife all the love that you have always had for her.
And your penance for these mistakes; though they are mistakes you must still deal with them as a man and atone for them. Your penance will be to do this with that loneliness you thought you could fill. You need to cope with that loneliness constructively, let it be the whip to drive you to make things better.
You will be sad. You will be lonely. And you will deserve it, but this does not make you a bad person. You need to stay committed to her, until either she forgives you or until she no longer needs you. She will not forget, and you cannot make her forget. But forgiveness is a lofty enough goal.
Good luck, and I hope that you have someone to help you bear this burden that you now have to carry.
why are you asking us to explain your pathetic actions? youre obviously not satisfied with a loving wife, happy family and a new child. maybe you should go have that whore, because thats the best youre going to get if what you had was worth being ruined by a whore.
Wow. You’re disgusting. Only you can say why. Yuck.
Dude, you’ve had no p*ssy for about 6 months, and your wife is probably all crazy about the baby and ignoring you (or shouting at you for not looking after the baby right).
Meanwhile, you still have needs. After all, you’re still a dude, right? Just to what you gotta do and move on.
And admit you’re only feeling bad cos u got caught. If you didn’t – it would have been a fun afternoon.
The big mistake you made was getting sloppy – THAT was sloppy, and sloppiness is never acceptable in the field of covert liasons.