I still love my wife, what should I do?
Oh boy do I need help! Where to begin. I am almost at the end of my divorce after being together for nearly twenty years. My ex is nuts, and I am not just saying that, the Psyche evaluations proved it to be true. I have known that she has had problems for years and had begged her to get some help. She ignored my pleadings and told me I was the one that needed help. she has been mentally and verbally abusive towards me for years. I went to therapy and things were good for a short time, but then quickly fell apart again. Then in February they really hit bottom and she filed a PPO order against me and the divorce. I never hit my wife and never would, but she lied and got one anyways. My first lawyer screwed the pooch real bad, and did not fight the PPO allegation. Since we have separated she has kept me from seeing my children, a daughter aged 14 now and my son now 8. I finally got the chance to see my son after months, and had to hear him cry that he was afraid of me for over 15 minutes, it broke my heart. I have no idea what horrible things she is telling them about me, and I can’t believe any person would do that. She is now bringing in a bunch of shrinks to fight the Psyche evaluation. We should be done with the divorce in December. I know she is sick, and probably will never get any help for her problems, but I still love her! Now I Can’t say she was always bad, we had some really good times together, but they have been getting fewer and farther between. At this point in my life I feel like I let her and the kids down. I know that there is some good still left in her. But I can’t even attempt to contact her. I just wish she would get the help she needs, and that we could reconcile this. I don’t believe in divorce. I loved being married and I loved my family. They were my world and I would have done anything for them. I just don’t know what to do.
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Tagged with: 15 minutes • allegation • amp • divorce • evaluations • good times • heart • lawyer • love • nuts • Oh Boy • pleadings • psyche • short time • twenty years
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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When December comes it will be a start of a whole new world for you,the judge will grant you visitation or maybe even custody if the mother is prov en unfit.You need to let her go, even if you would get back with her it would never be the same.Here’s what I see,one day you’ll be with some one else,[which takes time]and your kids wont be far, you may even have new kids with your new love.
You should talk to her other family is she has some. Hold and intervention. She does sound like she needs help and thats what you are for. You were married for 20 years and you need to show her that you love her by getting her help. This may be hard but you’ll get through it.
hope it helped!
I am sorry that I don’t have much advice for you, except this: Request, through your lawyers (and if necessary, court-ordered), to have counseling together. Request this for the sake of your children. Family counseling, if you think it appropriate. During the process of this, perhaps you can somehow convey your feelings and your goodwill to her, as well as to your children. Even if it doesn’t work out, perhaps you can come to a mutual ability to communicate respectfully for the sake of your kids. At the very least, when your children are adults, they will know this in restrospect. Making any effort you can now will mean alot to them in their future.
Sounds like a sad situation and you have my sympathy. Good luck to you.
Is there a way that the doctor can put her on some medication so that she can think more clearly? If she is hostile towards you, how in the world do you envision you two getting back together?
I just don’t see how this could possibly work out. I’m confused as to what she wants (which doesn’t seem to be you, no offense), yet you want to make a go of it with her. I’m confused.
I agree with <3. Stay strong and be there for her. Talk with her. Show her you love her. Fight for your marriage, your family, and your WIFE! Don’t give up, buddy!
I don’t know if you’re a church going person, but Christ can help. You never know, faith might help you out a lot. Maybe you should just start with a simple prayer.
Anyway, I hope everything works out for you! Stay strong! God is with you.
im sorry for what you are going thought but it sound like you really don’t have much choice if you truly
want to do right time to talk to someone about her issues if nothing but for your kids. then you can
see what need to be done next. but your children should be your first.. concerns.. good luck to you…
I feel your pain brother. I have been through this exact scenario. The more you fight the more fuel you add to the fire. Stop pointing the finger and give her what she wants. Be reasonable in a sense that, you need to set healthy boundaries. But in order to do that you need to get healthy yourself. These unhealthy relationships take so much out of us that we seldom realize they have made us sick as well. Get back into therapy, get a spiritual advisor and between the two of them, get a plan of rigorious action for yourself to get back on the right mental, emotional, and spiritual track.
Put everything in the hand of your higher power. Next, learn self care and self love while practicing responsibilities which are of service to your children. Healthy activities and service. In time you will become centered again. It can often take a little time but be patient, it will happen. To be centered is to be physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware. Once this takes place for you, everyone around you will see a new man, and be drawn to you. The trick then becomes, how to keep that ability of being centered. We can cross that bridge later. Just trust me, you will know a new freedom and a new happiness. Serenity will become you.
You will have to learn to love in a different way, from a distance. But everything will be ok. Just have faith that things are going to change and sometimes we grow and learn the most through pain. Sad, but true. Take care my friend. If there is anything more I can do please e-mail me direct. mbcjr19@hotmail.com
I dont think your wife is the only person who needs help in the world.Ithink most people do!Thats why i dont want to marry!But anyways if your family are everything you have, dont give up.
First of all forget her I know this is very hard to do! but you cannot spend the rest of your life, being her whipping boy!….To deny anyone access to the children is wrong, but some people seem to take a delight in this. Well there are two sides to this coin!, If one partner says< you cannot have the Ikids>, that leaves the other partner a free agent. No more restless nights, no more baby- sitters…I know this sounds cruel, but life can be!!!