What do you do if your husband has fallen out of love with you?
I’ve been married for 4yrs. About 3 mths ago my husband began to express to me some unhappiness in our marriage. I knew he was unhappy in his job & he was somewhat depressed. We both saw a counselor separately & jointly and things began to improve. Then things begin to revert to where we were before counseling. Then my husband finally comes out & tells me that he is no longer in love with me. He said for the past year of our marriage he had fallen out of love with me. Of course he gives me no reason & says that I’ve done nothing wrong. He swore there is no one else, & I believe him. He told me his dream is to have his own apartment & to be able to come and go as he pleases. I just feel cheated because when he first become unhappy he did not express that to me. I’ve only known 3 months that he wasn’t happy in our marriage. Well, now he has decided to separate. I just feel like we haven’t tried enough to make it work. Is there any way he could fall in love with me again?
FYI : I’m 25 and he’s 31. I believe him when he says there is no one else. Our whole entire marriage we’ve had the same work schedule and worked in the same building but different departments. We also had lunch together at work pretty much every day. So this could have just been too much time together. I just wish he wold have told me when he first became unhappy. I feel like he bottled up those feelings and that just made things worse. I’ve only known a few months about unhappiness and we only saw the counselor together once and at that time things seemed to be getting better and then all of a sudden he dropped the I’m not in love with you anymore I think we should separate. I know he cares about me and I just don’t understand why he did this to our marriage. I will agree he is a little immature but I still love him and I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact it could be over. I just wish he would give me the reasons he fell out of love.
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Tagged with: amp • apartment • counseling • counselor • feelings • hard time • job • love • lunch • marriage • mths • separately • unhappiness
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Let him do what he needs to do. It doesn’t sound like it’s about you. Sounds like he’s going through something he needs to do for himself. If you let him do that there may be a chance he’ll fall for you again. There was something before and maybe he just needs to work through it.
Good luck to you and take care.
Just be yourself. Let him leave, he will miss you and then will be back. He fell in love once he could again. Keep your head up.
I am not sure how old you are…is it possible that you both married too young? And now he is feeling like he has lost out on something? You said that you have tried counseling to no avail….You can’t make your husband love you….If he sees no way to find love with you…then you would be doing yourself a great service by getting out of the marriage…no use in staying in a marriage if your spouse doesn’t love you and doesn’t want to try and love you.
No , the more you try ,the more you push him away, if you two had counseling already , I don’t think that’s gonna work this time , don’t get divorced ,get legal separation and let him go , I’m not really sure but it sounds like he has no freedom and he just want to run away from you. I hope that you are not a possessive woman.
Yes, he COULD fall in love with you (or, to be more precise, realize he still loves you). Problem is that you won’t know for sure whether the "re-love" will last any better than the original version. If counseling didn’t help, it’s pretty likely that he wasn’t being honest in the counseling. We are often led to believe that we can have it ALL and we’ll live happily ever after. Tain’t very likely because marriage, along with other relationships, takes work and commitment. I’m sure you do feel cheated and you have a right to feel that way when someone is dishonest. The prognosis isn’t very good when one partner in a relationship is on-again and off-again.
my dear, that is so difficult. You know feelings are something involuntary, something we can not decide upon.
Love is also a state of bliss and sexual attraction so maybe the two of you lost that chemistry too.
What I can tell you is to try and move on, feel confident about your value as a woman and all the good sides you have.
What is absolutely impossible from my point of view is for him to move somewhere else and than come and go. That is a nono situation. I f he goes, than it is for good. That is important because you have to move on with your life also and find ways to build another relationship from scratch and not with the interference of a virtual husband who comes and goes. These are definitive decisions in a life so if he feels he lost the feeling.. well than he has to carry the consequences.
I don’t trust the guy and I do think he has been cheating, but wants you kept "warm" for times when he dumps the other woman.
You are better off without him!
I wish you all the best and someone 10000 better waits for you I am sure.
Hate to break it to you but he might want to be with somebody else or he just doesn’t want to be married. Either way you can’t force a person to love you if it isn’t there.
Hm…. Seek counseling is one of the option. In a relationship or marriage, it require both to work…if only you putting efforts and he is not.. it will not work out too. Maybe should go for a getaway or short trip… trying to do sweet things for each others.. spending more time with each others… Most importantly, try to have heart to heart talk…. resolve the main issue… Just hope is not due to third party… If you need more experiences, i can share with you next time…. All the Best..
Dear crazy:
If he says he is not in love with you anymore then you have to let him go. Though I think you are just going through a marital crisis, nothing else. Men are different than women, we want to stay home we wnat to be moms, we don;t care if we go out or not because we have our man. Men they want to feel free in their marriage. What I think is happening in your marriage is that you both need a BIG shake in your marriage, I don’t think that he is not in love with you, I think he "thinks" you are the reason why he is so unhappy and he is blaming you for his miserable and depressed life. One of the things he needs to do is to get a new job! no matter what, but something fun, something that makes him happy to work for. Even if he doesn’t make as much money as before. 2nd, I think you should paint your home, change your hair color, get a new dresser with different clothes, you both or you should go out to new places and experience new things. Try salsa clases, get drunk together, help him have fun! if he is happy and you are there with him…then you are not the problem is him. He is in some serious depression, not "out of love with you", i think right now you are putting way to much energy in your relationship problem than in the "real" problem. He is unhappy and he is blmaing you. He is depressed and he is blamimg you. If he doesn’t seek help or doesn’t want to try it, then move on, you be happy. You be NOT depressed. Let him go…evetually went he realizes that he is still unhappy without and so he is the problem…he will come back….but for his inmaturity you might nhot be available then…
leave him, keep your head held up high as there is your price charming out there somewehere!!
I don’t think that you can fall back in love with someone. Sounds like it’s been over in his mind for awhile. I think he has explained things to you very well but it is normal for you to feel cheated. The whole marriage and completely sharing your life thing isn’t for everyone. If it has always been a dream of his to live alone let him go. You wouldn’t want to keep him unhappy and living a lie. If you did, that would be extremely selfish. It sounds like he doesn’t like being controlled. He’s done and there is NOTHING you can do about it now,
Some good advice and some bad, I’ve been in this situation, it’s not where one would like to be. Chances are he has found someone new, I have heard the lines before, it’s not You it’s Me, no there’s no one else! For some reason, it’s probably just male hormones, that say we have to keep looking, not to the best of male interest, but just feudal. I really don’t have good advice for You, except to look in the mirror, if You like that person has much as Your friends do, You have nothing to worry about, except the current heartache You have to endure. Look to Your friends for support, even though they probably know what is happening, they would be the last ones to tell You just to spare Your feelings. It’s because they do not want to see anyone get hurt. Can He fall in love with You again, of course, but by that time will You want Him back?
All the replies are so perfect for all the answers I am looking for as I am going through right now. Thank you all you have made me stronger and determined that I do not love my husband anymore. I know is better to leave someone when he says he no longer loves you what is the point and so quickly he got another girlfriend and had an affair while I was away for work?