If your wife of 6yrs cheats on you with another woman? and is really sorry would you take her back?
She cheated for 3 months (not a 1 time thing) and she comes back crawling begging you. (you already file for divorce and custody of your kid) Would you be able to ever trust her again, would you forgive her? Would your mind be at peace when she’s not with you? I gave her everything and she didn’t pay a dime. (Mortgage, bills, loans etc) now she regrets leaving me. Would you be able to get on with your life together?
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Tagged with: Cheats • divorce • loans • mortgage bills • peace • regrets • time thing • woman
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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I think your wife is asking questions here as well. No I wouldn’t if I were you.
*off to find the link*
well here is the link to the other side:
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsTKwvJMk3ok2GjsdP.MXB0hBgx.;_ylv=3?qid=20090619100347AAZED7K&show=7#profile-info-z1V7dxavaa
nop divorce the bitch
No. She’s a bad apple, throw her away.
Keep with the divorce
Keep the divorce process going, you will never be able to trust her no matter how much you love her.
Negative. There would always be a lack of trust.
divorce her.
good luck.
go through with the divorce she committed adultery
Take her back on a "probationary" term. Explain that she will be under strict probation, and that since she has proven she likes women, insist on gratuitous threesomes.
3-way city baby!
No problem, my wife has no sex drive. (May be that’s the problem LOL). That would be real weird. Most guy will say that you can make that a threesome, but I don’t know about that.
Balls in your court. Can you trust her and forgive her? if not time to move on with life.
Did you know she was bi or bi-curious when you married her?
You had to have known then that this was likely to happen.
If she left for three month I think I would move on.
If she she took care of her responsibilities as mother etc… I think I would forgive her.
Tough place to be. I had a rather nasty separation, and she regretted it immediately after. I’m going to give you advice here from MY PERSONAL perspective, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but this was something that felt morally and ethically sound for me; I’ve been very secure in my decision since then, and I am a man of strong convictions.
First off, she did what she did. Nothing can change that. Before you try to weight things out, you need to be able to accept what happened, and find a balance – don’t FORGET that she did it. Forgetting is unwise, and it opens the door to a lot more pain. But if you want things to work, then you need to be able to FORGIVE what happened.
Forgiving means not holding it over her head, not treating her like less of a person, and not using it to make her feel guilty. And to be frank, it’s tough to do in some cases. However, as you forgive, you must also be sure that you don’t forget; be aware of the warning signs last time, the things that changed, the little indicators you might have missed the first time. Also, make sure that her HEART is firmly set on making things better. (If you had to ‘catch’ or ‘figure her out’, that’s a VERY bad sign.)
If you’re still getting the divorce finalized, I strongly suggest that you complete it, even if you take her back. Start over. If you cancel the divorce, and more time passes before she slips up, it will be harder to divorce later as the marriage has existed longer.
Here’s something else that you really need to consider, it sounds like you understand it, but really take this into account:
She made a choice months ago, when she let something happen the FIRST time. She made a choice to place that moment, and the chance for potential future moments, jeopordize your marriage, and your family. That’s a really selfish thing to do. What’s more, she continued to, she didn’t "just do it once" and feel guilty, she kept at it, she continued to make a conscious decision to betray you. Every time she practiced infedelity, she betrayed you and the family you two have created. That says some REALLY bad things. And in a situation like this, there’s really NOTHING she can say that excuses that. It was a conscious effort, and it was a continued trend. It’s a big statement of her character.
It’s easy to realize you’ve made a mistake. I do it all the time. I mess up, I hurt someone, I do things that I wish I hadn’t. But that doesn’t mean that I’m changing. And just because she is sorry, and misses you, and wishes she could undo it… Doesn’t mean she won’t repeat the same mistakes. Human beings are creatures of *habit*. It takes a lot of time and growth to become the individuals we are as adults, a lot has gone into the creation of our character… That means it takes something BIG to change our character. Huge.
Please don’t think I’m trivializing your divorce, because I am absolutely not. I respect marriage strongly, it is a significant bond, and I think it is a major symbol of trust and love. But she did violate that promise. SHE did, not you. So it’s obvious that her convictions weren’t that strong.
If you take her back, then in some ways you prevent her from being able to grow as a person. If you give her an easy path, let her return, and be a family again… Then she doesn’t learn anything, she doesn’t grow, and whether either of you like it or not, she knows in her heart and in her mind, that one way or another, she was able to ‘salvage’ things after that experience. So as sorry as she may be, she would learn that she can get away with it. Now, you may take her back and know that you’ll never accept her if she does it AGAIN, but she can’t learn that lesson if you do. It’s not possible. In some ways, you would be hurting her by letting her come back.
Now, the bottom line:
Personally, if it were me, I wouldn’t take her back. It would be hard, but I wouldn’t. It’s a matter of respecting yourself, and protecting your emotions, as well as not putting your child through further emotional roller coasters. I give folks the benefit of the doubt, and I trust a lot of people, but when someone wrongs me, and on such a deep emotional level… I’ve had to learn that they may do it again.
If you absolutely can’t say no, I suggest this; complete the divorce(if you haven’t already, this is VERY IMPORTANT TO REBUILDING, you can’t rebuild without starting over!). If she’s serious about this, then she’ll be able to give you reasons, real reasons, as to why she did these things. What was so enticing about the idea? Why didn’t she come to you about it? And what is she going to do to prevent herself from hurting you and your child again? If she looks caught off gaurd, or she doesn’t have an answer ready, then she’s not ready to make the important changes; she might WANT to, but we all have parts of ourselves we WANT to change, unfortunately that’s easier said then done.
I wish you luck, and I hope you keep your heart safe in wha