How to get rid of my insecurities?
So i’ve been dating this girl on and off for about a year and a half. Well we’ve gotten more and more serious over the last couple of months and i love her to death. I have every intention on spending the rest of my life with her, and she feels the same way. She’s so good in showing me she loves me and we’ve just been doing really great lately. The problem for me is, she has an ex-girlfriend of about 2 and a half years. They don’t talk TOO often, but they do every now and then. The ex-girlfriend is still in love with her and went as far as to tell her the other day that I will never love her as much as she did when they were together. My girlfriend told me about this and honestly, it just makes me so insecure. I know she has no say in how the other girl feels or what she says…but idk. I just can’t get over the feeling that one day she’s going to want to leave me for her again. And it’s not that I don’t trust her…i just don’t know. Am I just overreacting or what? How do I get rid of these insecurities?
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Tagged with: ex girlfriend • half years • insecurities • intention • love • rest of my life
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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Hey Kennedy,
I think you need to ask yourself a question. Can I control what other people do when I’m not around? If the answer is no then you shouldn’t worry about it. I know that is easier said than done. You are up against an ex with some fairly serious time invested. If you cannot control something then there is really no sense in worrying about it is there? If you can control something, then there is still no reason to worry because you can control it. Bottom line: worrying never helps.
I know it isn’t easy to get all those thoughts out of your head, all the what ifs and so on, but you can do it. If you focus on what may happen, it can have a negative effect on your relationship with her. Being a girl you know that girls don’t like insecure needy people, guys or girls. So be confident. That other girl is old news. They broke up for a reason and she is with you now. So just keep enjoying your relationship with her like you have been.
If you worry and focus on what bad thing may happen you just may drive a stake right through your relationship with her. If she cheats or even leaves you there is nothing you can do to stop it, and why would you want to? You should want to be with someone who wants to be with you. You deserve to have someone who will truly love you. It sounds to me from what you have said that you have someone like that right now. So don’t dwell on this. The more you bring her up, the more she will be thinking about her! Let it go, forget about it and don’t make an issue about it at all.
Just be yourself and keep loving her the way you have been and you will both benefit from it.
I hope this helps you in some way.
Good luck!
Pray that God takes away all of your worldly worries. Who you are supposed to be with will be with you regardless of the world around you.
I’ll pray for you, too. Good luck. =]
Mutually caring relationships require understanding, sympathy, empathy, kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other’s achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain. As Chris Widner wrote:
"I want to share with you the key components of establishing relationships that will allow you to leave a fantastic relational legacy.
Be Purposeful. People are busy and time flies. Put these two together and you have a recipe for disaster in the relationship department. Pretty soon you and your best friends have had months go by between times spent together. In order to have quality relationships we have to be purposeful.
This is especially true with couples and even more so for couples with small children. They need to be very purposeful in making sure they spend quality time together communicating and enjoying one another.
Be Proactive. This is the opposite of reactive. Reactive is when your spouse says, “We never spend any time together,” and you respond by saying, “Okay, we will this week.” It would be to sit down at the beginning of each month or week and schedule the time, or better yet have a weekly “date night.” The key is to take control and schedule your relationships. Otherwise, they are going to get away from you.
Be Disciplined. Yes, it takes discipline to maintain healthy relationships. The discipline is to make investments regularly. This means the monthly lunch with a friend. It means the yearly hunting trip with friends from high school. It means cutting out of work early to go to your child’s game. It means disciplining yourself to work harder during the day in order to leave at a set time so you can eat dinner with your family. All of these are acts of discipline. Just as we have to discipline ourselves in other areas of our lives, like exercising for health or investing for wealth, we have to discipline ourselves into actions that will produce strong and healthy relationships.
Value People Above Possessions, Schedules and Achievements. The sooner we realize that we leave behind all of our stuff when we die, the sooner we will be able to focus on what matters most—relationships. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that we shouldn’t do our best to become successful financially or that we shouldn’t enjoy material possessions. What I am saying is that should be secondary to healthy relationships. I can’t imagine someone on their deathbed who says, “I wish I would have left an estate of ten million dollars instead of five million.” No, people get to the ends of their lives and wish they would have invested more in their relationships.
Be Loving. I don’t mean to be guided by emotional feelings of “love.” Feelings come and go. This is what I mean when I say loving: to always act in such a way as to do what is best for the other person. Love is not feelings, but actions. When we say that we love someone, we mean that we are committed to their best interests. If we are lucky, those commitments are coupled with strong emotional bonds as well.
Be Forgiving. The fact is this: Where there are people, mistakes will be made. I don’t care if you are the nicest guy on earth (or married to him), you will have some breakdowns in your relationship on occasion. That is the nature of being human. Other people will fail you and you will fail people.
And when this happens we must face a decision: Will we let the relationship remain broken or will we learn to forgive? An analogy might be in order. A relationship is like building a house. It has to have a strong foundation.
That is where you start. Then it must be built step by step until it is finished. During the building process there may be times when a beam falls or the two-by-fours break. The builder has a decision to make. Will he repair the building or let it go? If he chooses to let it go, the house will be weak and eventually fall into disrepair. Unfortunately, too many people let their relationships break and do not repair them by practicing forgiveness. People who leave successful relationships behind them practice the art of forgiveness.
Follow the Golden Rule. The golden rule of life is, “Do to others what you would want them to do to you.” What is most interesting about this is that Christ was the first religious leader to say this in a positive way. Other leaders had said before to “Don’t do to others what you don’t want them to do to you.” Relationships are about being proactive and doing for others.
When we wake up each day with the goal to follow the golden rule and do good in people’s lives, we set ourselves on a course that will allow us to build a strong relational legacy.
Think of how you want to be remembered, and then live in such a way that you will be. If you want to be remembered as kind, then be kind. If you want to be remembered as strong, then be strong. If you want to be remembered as friendly, then be friendly. If you want to be remembered as forgi