How do I tell the woman I love NOT to leave her husband for me without hurting her feelings and losing her?
Three years ago, I ended a 22-year marriage with this terrible woman. I’ve been happy ever since the divorce. I’m 44 and I feel 24. I have many women that I hook-up with a non-serious basis. But ever since April 2008, I’ve been dating and having sex with this really amazing woman. She’s UNHAPPILY married with two children. Her husband works too much, spends little time with her and the kids and POSSIBLY cheating(the usual motive for women who look for love outside their marriage). This woman is in love with me and I HATE to admit it but I love her too. She tells me that she plans to divorce her husband to be with me. Now, I’m feeling conflicted because:
1. The years of hell I endured with my ex-wife has completely worn me out
2. I was enjoying my new single freedom
But I really love this woman and I tried so hard to resist her but I don’t know if I’m ready to be married again and I don’t want to hurt her children by "stealing Mom from Dad". But then again, I’m 44 years old. What if my soul mate, the woman I’ve always dreamed of is staring me right in my face? Someday, after all, I WILL like to be married again but I don’t know if right now is "someday". Help? Advice?
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Tagged with: April • Cheating • dad • divorce • feelings • freedom • having sex • hell • Hook Up • little time • love • marriage • mom • motive • soul mate • woman
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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I think whether or not you are ready for this type of relationship or not… this woman should leave her husband. She is unhappy. She is in a torrid relationship and I think she would feel better and confident (like you do) if she would just leave. I feel as though she’s using you as an excuse to leave her husband. She loves you because you’ve soon her love … love she can’t get from her distant husband.
Tell her she needs to leave her husband for herself. That she needs a little time on her own to adjust and settle her family issues. That way you’ll be free and clear of the whole "taking mommy away from daddy" thing. If you care like you say, tell her that you’ll be by her side and ready to help, but she needs to make decisions about her life for her … not because of her love for you but for a chance at a better tomorrow.
I wouldn’t rush into marriage either …. this situation with her needs time to heal especially since she’s so unhappy. Rushing into a marriage would be a bad thing and I think a lot of people would agree.
Also, you need to let go of your ex wife. I understand she hurt and upset you terribly. I can see you are trying to enjoy life. But remember, this woman is not your ex. They are two completly different people. Don’t be afraid of loving someone again and marrying her or another woman will not be the same as that last woman. No two are alike.
Good luck.
You’re an idiot. Why are you wrecking this man’s home? Seriously now? You’re gonna fall in love with a married woman… and then ask her NOT to leave her husband, but you still want to see her? You know he’s eventually going to find out anyway, and leave her. Then where will she be? No wonder your "terrible" woman left you three years ago. Probably the best decision she ever made. Assholes like you are what give us good guys a bad name. I wish I knew where you were so I could say this to your face.
listen lover boy…you’re not that special.
if you marry her, she will turn around and cheat on you the first chance she gets.
Don’t believe what she tells you about her hubby…..she is only looking for attention outside the marriage…and she will have no qualms doing that being married to her husband or you.
I would tell her exactly this :
"Someday, after all, I WILL like to be married again but I don’t know if right now is "someday"."
I do not approve of affairs, but that being said, you have to be honest. The truth is that you do not really have this woman anyway, she is married to someone else. Her children deserve better than what both parents are doing. The affair needs to end for their sakes. If she is unhappy at home, she needs to deal with that head-on now. And that is not your responsibility. If she wants to, she and her husband can go their separate ways and still do right by those children. Both of them need to grow up and face their situation. As for you, be careful. You are in a very risky situation and he may blame you for all of this. Its best to tell her how you feel and end this. Unless she becomes a divorced woman, you should walk away. If u love her, wait for her to do the right thing by her family and then see her again. A relationship built on lies is doomed to fail. Is she really of high character to see u behind his back? Blaming his behavior for her own is bs anyway. You know what you need to do and you will feel better after you do it. If you two are meant to be together it will work out.
you just have to come out and tell her that you do not want to be committed. and most likely she will not want to be around you anymore. but you will be able to stay single and enjoy that life. then she can get out of her unhappy marriage and make things better for her and her children. sorry to be so blunt but you need to tell her that you do not need to see her while she is married.