Men plz answer- I was proposed to and I think I want to say no- WOMEN GET SCREWED IN MARRIAGE?
I’m 27 and my boyfriend just asked to marry me and I want to say no- not because I don’t love him. but because after listening to all my guys friend and brothers deal with their marriage and relationship, I’m convinced that women get SCREWED IN MARRIAGE.
Let me just say I’m not a man basher- I love men- the world would be boring without them. I’m independent- though I like when a guy does something for me without expectation and thus show my appreciation. I have a good job, take personal development classes, keep in good shape, and love to travel and do it often. I’m just afraid if I GET MARRIED I WILL LOSE MYSELF.
As women we are taught to grow up, get educated,get a career, get married, and maybe have children. Men get mad if we make more than them. If we get married, we are constantly told we forced him to settle down despite the man is the one, more often then not, who proposed. We then have children, which takes a toll on our bodies making us less attractive. Now strapped with most of the child-rearing duties and a full time job outside the home (with the economy it is to me expected that both work so that the family can survive) we have no time to get back to pre baby status. And if we try to it costs money (nails, new clothes, hair, makeup) we are then called golddiggers. After making money, raising the couples children, doing most of the domestic chores, men then complain that the wife will not have sex due to tiredness and they wonder why? We can not ask for help because it would be nagging. They don’t listen if we did approach them with a problem anyway. We give them their guy time to get away from the house despite being saddled with most of the domestic obligations ourselves. They put their friends first and we put our families first. They constantly complain about THE WIFE and then expect their wives to stroke their egos Men then use that time to cheat claiming that we became boring, no sex, or bad sex. I’m sorry, but a women with children, chores, and a fulltime job does not have time to get away to maintain herself ie girls night, waxing,take a class, read a good book or anything to she used to do that made the women interesting to the man to begin with. In divorce men complain that they get half their stuff taken- YA SO DO WE. ( I have a substantial saving pot, no debtat all, and two incoming producing rentals that I do not want to lose.) They complain that they lose the children when it has been my experience most of my divorce female friends say that their ex expected them to take the children because they don’t want to hassle with raising them. Anybody with children know that matter how much child support they get it is never equal to half the cost of raising a child. Alimony- I do not believe in unless you can prove without a shadow of a double that the women had to give up her career for somebody to stay home and raise the child -daycare is equivalent to a months pay nowadays making it pointless to have someone else f-up your kids when you can do it the right way by staying home.- In the end the man can go and start a new family forgetting about his old one and a women is looked down upon in the dating world for having children.
What should I do?
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Tagged with: Bad Sex • Career • child rearing • children chores • clothes • couples • domestic chores • economy • egos • expectation • full time job • fulltime job • golddiggers • good job • good shape • guy time • Independent • job • makeup • Man Love • marriage • nails • personal development classes • relationship • shape • tiredness • Women Marriage
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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I think you have to focus on the now, and that is marriage. I think you should do it because its not that your not ready to be with him. The problem your thinking about is that your not really ready for children and the responsibilities that come with having children. That’s understandable and you should be thinking about that future but it is still the future and you can plan for it. Right now you have a man who loves you and wants to further your relationship in the hope that it will last as long as both of you shall live. If you love him and you can see yourself with him for a long time then go ahead and get married, but make sure you discuss your feelings about having kids and come to agreements before you decide so that you’ll both understand each others hopes and fears. Don’t let other peoples experiences disrupt yours because every relationship is different and no one will know whats going to happen, and go in thinking it this happiness will last as long as possible and work at making it work. I say do it just discuss and plan together about where you stand on issues related to children and even divorce, get talking into the relationship now before you settle into your lives together.
Good luck in YOUR decision and hope I gave you a new perspective to consider.
Who the hell is gonna read all that garbage?
For his sake, not marry him.
nag nag nag , your defiantly ready for marriage
I seriously think you should say no. for your boyfriends sake.
You dont marry a guy that you dont like because you will regret and marriage is not a kind of joke its showing to god that you will love that person and that person will love you until death you dont just say NO say ill think about it first or say that im not for you because were not a perfect couple and some men are just using marriage as fun
Don’t listen to others. That’s ridiculous. Act according to your own wishes. And no, you won’t lsoe yourself in marriage. All people around the world marry and none of them lose themselves. My teach is hapily married with two kids, and besides that she’s got an awesome carrier – in an international company, and she also teaches and does whatever she wants. Your husband is your support, not your will.
Wow thanks for the update. Lol
Tell you what, i’m 25 and married. I have a career, a newborn child, own my own car and a house. I am well educated (finished my studies about a year after we married) and I am in a management role with my company so I earn good money.
Based on your initial question and beginning comments, dont listen to your brothers and male friends. You’re 27, make up your own mind. If you love your partner then live for now and see where it takes you.
Why do so many people think the worst? Divorce never even crossed my mind when my husband proposed to me… maybe if you have all these hesitations, hes not the one for you…?
Vic, settle petal. He ask you to marry him not be his slave. Its a partnership of which both do the same share of the work.
PRENUP…And yes I read it all and thats usually the way it goes for women in a double standard world.
I agree its not all fair – but women do get commitment in marriage and security. By the way you dont have to have kids or just have one or even adopt a kid.
Do you trust your bf? By the way you could say yes and give it a year before you get married – that way if you change your mind then thats ok.
I dont want 3 kids or anything – i just dont have the energy. It sounds like you have a negative view of relationships. I did too because my parents had a bad one. Also women work these days so you can afford to hire a cleaner. I plan on doing that and just cooking simple meals and not having many kids.
You should express these concerns to him. My wife is very independent, but she also knows she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life to me. We’re no different than we were before. Our marriage was a commitment we made to each other.
In my opinion, the only women who are in marriages where they feel they’re just "the wife" is because they made it that way, or let it get that way. I’m not woman-bashing (to be clear), the same goes for men who feel like "the husband". The roles can be reversed, and have the same unsettling effect.
If you don’t want to be the homemaker or stay-at-home mom, don’t be. Not all women are the ones who do chores and watch the children. My wife and I both work retail, and share very haphazard schedules. We share a very even role when it comes child-rearing and chores.
As for the money, if it is that big of an issue, get a prenuptial agreement. Not just men get them…
Overall, it sounds like you have a very skewed view of men and women’s roles in a marriage. You sound like you don’t want a traditional relationship, but your judgemental view stems from those exact roles. Tell your boyfriend why you said no, and ask him if he’d support a marriage where you’d have your prenup, freedoms, and an even distribution of roles. If he’s on-board, there is no reason to say no, right?