My wife says she loves me but she isn’t “in love” with me anymore.?
My wife and I have just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary on Nov-18th. we have been married since she was 18 and I was 22. We are now 34 and 38. We have 2 boys ages 7 and 12. She is a Nurse Anesthetist and is currently doing her residency. I guess it was right around our anniversary that i noticed something just wasn’t right. I asked her about it and she assured me it was nothing could explain and she said she would get over it. I decided to just drop it.Then that fateful day came when I had left the house for a little while and came back to find a letter that she was leaving and we needed to separate for a while. I freaked and immediately started calling her and texting to get her back home. I agreed we would go to counseling and after most of the afternoon she finally returned I helped her unpack and we talked, this is where I did what I always did and just blew her off and never really listened to what was happening. She told me that I never help around the house with laundry and dishes and with kids. While she works 65+ hrs a week. I am a local truck driver and work about 45 to 50 hrs a week. We never went to counseling and I said I would change and start helping and never realized I was still being the same old me and nothing had changed. She noticed and we fought again. I finally ended up leaving this time and realized that night I screwed up bad. I called her and said I was sorry, and I was coming home to make things work. She said thank you for trying. I came home the next day which was a last Friday and I washed all of clothes in the laundry room and put them away, I washed the dishes and put them away, their was also clean dishes in the dishwasher that I put away, I cleaned up the kitchen and had the boys squared away before she got home around 6pm. We talked for several hours when she got home and I assured her I changed and I really listened to her and never raised my voice at her not even once. She told me it’s just something she feels and has felt this way for over a year! She said it was something she needs to work on. I assured her this was the "new" me and I am a changed man and I was sorry it took this long for me to realize what I was doing. I think we made love that night then I went shopping with her on Saturday and we made love again that night. we went to church on sunday (something we hadn’t done in many years). We just talked for a while telling each other that we loved one another and made love again. Monday I went to work and she texted me that afternoon saying that she would be late working, I told her no problem that I had to drive to McAllen Tx that night which was 9 hours away and I would ask my mom to come sit with the kids. I went home that afternoon and washed dishes and done laundry and fed the kids and made their lunches and laid their clothes out for the next morning. I then called her and brought her a hamburger up to her work because she was hungary. She was just getting off and so we ate and talked a little. She assured me she loved me and that she was working on her "Issues". I told her everything was done at home and I left to go get in my truck. Drove all night thinking about us and got to where I was going at about 5:30a and unloaded at 7a. Still no sleep worrying about us. I called her on the way back and we calmly talked and this is when she told me she loves me more than anything but she’s not "in love" with me, because of all the time I treated her wrong by walking on her. She said she sees that I have changed and she was very happy that we can talk and she felt better about telling me. She also said she wished I had done this a very long time ago and that she was here and willing to get rid of her feelings and move on, but she needs help from a someone. Tonight we talked again and I assured her that I am forever changed and how much I love her, and I would be the best Dad, Husband and Friend she could ask for. I explained how sorry I was for doing her the way I had done over the years and that she was the best wife anyone could ever ask for. We both broke down crying, and after a little while we finished agreeing we would fix this. A little later we ended up making love again from kissing. This time it was very passionate. I don’t want to loose her and she don’t want us to end either she has an appointment with counselor on Monday and I do on the 22nd of December. I know she has anger about the past she needs to deal with and I am doing my very best still. She just don’t know how. I told her tonight that was done kissing up and I was just going to be the old me just an "updated" version. The guy she fell in love with before. I don’t want to drive her away by trying to hard. I am worried sick. Does anyone out there see her and us getting better? What could I do to help her fall in love with me again? I have a company Christmas Party Saturday night, she is very excited about that and so am I. What could I do to on this night to help re-spar
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Tagged with: 14th wedding anniversary • 6pm • boys ages • clothes • coming home • counseling • dishes • dishwasher • fateful day • last friday • laundry room • leaving this time • love • nurse anesthetist
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Wow, that was long. She needs to see that you have really changed. Slowly, she’ll fall back in love with you. Pretend you are dating her again. Bring her flowers, keep cleaning, watch the kids and help her feel special. It took her several years to fall out of love with you and it might take just as long to win her back. She’s still with you–so thats a good sign. Keep working on it.
HI
there are a few steps you could take. Understand (and your life should understand too) that being in love and loving someone are 2 different things and they usually come in that sequence. Unfortunately that lovely feeling when we are in love does not last. NEVER, not by itself. You need to recreate it over and over throughout the marriage. There are several techniques you can use. However, of course marriage therapy is the fastest way to ensure that this takes place and I would seriously recommend this. Any relationship hitting the challenges you are facing need some help and then the marriage can truly go to the next level. And then you 2 can fall in love with each other over and over again:
I’m pretty sure she’s leaving you because you beat her. I mean, you just smacked me in the face with that brick wall of text. It hurts, you know.
YOU both should watch the movie "FIREPROOF", It will help your marriage 100%. Also keep your faith & your head up high. If you never do another thing for your marriage, YOU MUST WATCH this movie TOGETHER, and watch it more than once. I promise you it will save your marriage…..If YOU BOTH are willing.
Good luck & Happy Holidays & I know this will help,
Stephanie
There is no easy answer. For one, she has options now. She has a good job, or will have one so she will be independent. And therefore, she is focusing on the past. And she clearly has some bad memories. There are some things in your favor. TThe kids. You would think she would want to make it work for the kids. She might.
My advice right now would be to buy a couple of tickets to paradise ( the islands), and get a sitter. Take her away and have some romantic time for the two of you. She will remember who she fell in love with.
Paragraphs would be nice. Go to night school and learn to write.
to treasure them, learn to use the original way to communicate, to know more about her way of thinking，try to save your marriage,show your love for her….
My advice would be to stop talking about so much, about what to change. You can make these promises to her, but are you really going to go through with them is what she is guessing. She knows you so much better than us and it sounds like she has just had enough. At the Christmas party, don’t go overboard being romantic. It might be uncomfortable for her. Just show her off, be proud that she is there with you, tell her she’s beautiful, and be a gentlemen. Best to wait to get through a bit of counseling to know how to proceed.
She might also be going through life change. She was young when married with children. Now that she is finally going to be settled with her career, she might be evaluating where the time has gone and if you were truly there for her on her quest to better her and her children’s life. I get the feeling that you might have some resentment towards her for her career. She feels unappreciated. Once a woman hits 30, she takes hold of her life. She is no longer afraid or embarrassed or worried about hurting your feelings. She begans to love herself and see herself for exactly what she is. I’m 31 and have never been so comfortable in my skin EVER. I have found myself not putting up with things I would in previous years. So, now that you have this confident amazing woman, you need to show here how grateful you are. Good luck!
i didnt read your woman like 2000 word essay, but your title is HILARIOUS! your pathetic dude! shes most definately getting plowed by some other dude. aaaahahaha what a loser.
you are doing well know . love her . and save most of your time around her
Here’s the truth…a wonderful time at a company christmas party is not going to help your marriage. All you can do is to make sure you make her feel appreciated, by helping out around the house and with the children. You can make it a point to thank her when she deserves it, and don’t forget to be a good listener. Treat her like you would want her to treat you. Be kind, considerate, and generous with your time and with your love. If you concentrate on being the best husband you can be she will sit up, take notice and eventually the two of you will find your way back to one another. Love doesn’t go a way, it just sometimes needs to be rekindled and the best way to do that is on a day to day plan, not one special evening. You can make the christmas party the start of your plan…I think that’s a great idea! (: Good luck to you both!
Dont let your behavior be temporary. You need to make a permenant change. If you try to help with the house and kids to win her love and security that she will stay with you, then revert back to your old behaviors, she will resent you and not trust you. My husband has done these same things. The key… be consistent and dont stop. Earn her trust and let her know that your behavior is not a temporary thing to win back her love.
Sorry mate, but you are asking a bunch of strangers how to best fix your marriage.
None of us have met your wife, so I presume you know her better than us. If after 14 years you can’t figure out where you have been lacking, you might as well let her go.
It looks like she has been pissed at you for a long time, women don’t just reach that stage over night. She has thought it through, and made a decision, so it is going to take a lot of effort from you to fix what you broke.
I would start by remembering you are partners, and share a lot more of the responsibilities around the house, and treat her like a princess. I don’t mean spending big $$ on her, I mean don’t treat her like a combo of cleaner, child minder, cook and your mother.
She is a lady in her own right, working twice the hours that you do. Pick up some slack, give her time to do her own thing, and spend more time together.
People get so wrapped up in life, they forget to live. And that sucks.
*** SWEET MILDRED IS IN THE HOUSE…CRAWL INTO HER PLAYPEN ***
I am sorry buddy but all indications are that your wife already has sombody else. I know it is the last thing you want to hear but believe me this pattern repeats itself all too many times! I am sure your wife will be looking for attention from somone other than you at that party! That is why she is excited about going. She has been enjoying attention from somone other than you! I am sure she will dress to make sure other men or women will be looking at her. When she said she wants to seperate for awhile, that really means that she wants to be free to do someone else. This guy most likley is also married because if not she would have stayed gone. A women will leave home more readily for a single man. If you are feeling that things are not right then they ARE not right! I would hire a Private Investigator right now and save yourself a whole lot of time and pain. Do you think not doing a couple of dishes would cause her to not love you anymore? The person she is now in love with is most likley a co-worker. I wonder if she shared that burger with her cheating boy friend. Listen the last thing she wants right now is for you to kiss her butt and make HER feel guilty! The only chance you have right now is to be the man she fell in love with. A woman wants to marry a nice stay at home, dish washing man but its the bad boy thats gonna turn her on. Funny thing is that once she is no longer turned on by you she will then believe, right or wrong that she is not in love with you. Now many women will not act on these feelings but it is becomming much more common for many married women to stray. Good luck and let us know how things go!