What can i do to get my ex back after hurting her badly?
ok this is not the usual cheating case. i have hurt her in another way. I will put it short. i am a person who is stubborn and like things to go my way in a relationship. The girl is someone who loves me a lot and try to suit what i want and keep her unhappiness regarding us to herself . She’s a quiet person as well. From the start of our relationship, when we are together, we really enjoyed ourself. The problem come when we are not together. I was the one who ask her out and start a chat with her most of the time. This makes me feel that she is not interested and she said she will try to change. But whenever i bring up to her that she’s not changing, we end up both unhappy. I feel that she could do more for the relationship. My problem then were that, i feel i am right and hence expect her to change for me. i expect her to do a lot. amd she really did. she make a lot of time for us to go out, go out late with me despite her parents don like, always talk to me when i wanted to, tried to change herself to suit me, give in to my sexual advances(not sex) even though she’s shy, never scolded me even when she’s unhappy etc. But some of the things i don get, i will insist on it. Like she did not really change herself to ask me out or chat with me more often to what i expect, ends up unhappy whenver we talk about it and this gives her stress i guess. Whenever she can’t go out when i want to, i will be unhappy and this gives her stress. She told me that she felt that ” i think if she like me she should go out with me, she could do better to suit me”. After all those things she did and stress she took, i still feel that she does not love me wholeheartedly and did not put in much effort in our relationship simply because(i think) i am someone who is very insitent on doing things my way. When she cannot meet my expectations, i feel she did not put in much effort and doesn’t love me that much. Before we broke off, i even scolded her’: if you love me, don just say it, show it! This hurt her so much that she cannot take it and wanted to break off. Now, i am totally regretting it. I want her back. We are still talking and going on 1 on 1 outing once in 2 weeks. But, i really want to win her back. She told me that she still like me. but those times where i hurt her keep on coming back to haunt her even after 10 months. I realise my mistake. I shouldn’t have been so stubborn and only focus on things i want, this gives a lot of stress. She did a lot for me, but maybe because i took them for granted, that’s why i felt that she didn’t do much and hence felt that she don love me that much. If only i am not so insistent on doing things my way, take note and appreciate more of the things she did for me, i wouldn’t have felt that she don love me and we could have been very happy. Please let me know if i am wrong. This are the problems with me that i concluded after tons of relection. I feel that our situation rersembles that of a men cheating on his wife and hurting her, then regrets it and want her back. It looks like a very difficult task. Can some people please tell me what can i do? what can i do to make her trust me again? she say she still likes me, but can’t forget the times where i hurt her.
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Tagged with: amd • parents • quiet person • relationship • sexual advances • stress • unhappiness
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Remember the most important thing about love. Love for everyone is so different, that a meaning to love is ambiguous. And because of this, give her time to fall inlove with you. Forcing her to change is another way to say that " I don’t love the you that I know, but I will love you IF you change into the woman I want you to become." That’s probably how she sees it but because she cares about you, she’s not going to tell you. The two of you need to learn to EXPRESS everything you feel to each other. That way the misunderstanding going on between you still will dissolve little by little as time passes by. So please, don’t tell her anymore to change. Believe me when I say that when you stop forcing her to try and change who she currently is, she will unconsciously give in, and transform into a "Lovely" form. Also, when she’s stressed, be there for her. Tell her how you feel. And if you truly love her, give her words of confidence so that her shyness towards you melt. She probably feels alone…Anyhow, since she is the one twisting her live trying to accommodate yours, try and do something for her in return ( like going to a park and smiling at her wholeheartedly). The expectations you’ve forced upon her are causing her stress. SO I blame you. But thankfully, you’re lucky to have such a wonderful woman that tries to please you. Love her for who she is, not for what you wish for her to become. What someone CAN become and WISH to become are totally different. To regain her trust, show her that you will not use expectations, but instead, try to make her smile and laugh. You know her better than I do, so her likes you should know. Or more so do something CHILDISH like I said before, go to the park. And if it snows where you live, do snow angels and if it’s in a hot location, then hug her and twirl her around ( if she doesn’t mind xD lol); or simply take her out to eat icecream <,<. It’s simple. All you need is the heart to care for her. Good lUCK!!!!
Wow- That wasn’t short!
Anyway- you sound like my daughters ex. They dated for a year-nice guy, nice family. Ok for him to talk to girl "friebnds" (my daughter is secure-doesn’t care) but if she did-different story! This year she went to sa different High School-he broke up with her because "she left him". Geez! Its not all about him! Its the school closer to us-with better grades, more sports and more friends. He needs to get over himself-he was her best friend and she cried fordays!
Sorry, but it is you that doesn’t love her enough. If you did, you’d take her as she is. Even if she had REAL flaws which doesn’t seem to be the case. You don’t say you love someone and then want to change them. The exception might be if she was doing something physical to harm herself like drug addiction, etc. Obviously you’d want her to change that, but the things you list are silly. Yes, you are wrong.
The only way you even have a chance is to tell her you were very, very wrong. She may not believe you because although you say you were wrong, your question still makes it sound like she was somehow at fault. Tell her you’d like a second chance to prove to her you love her as is…as long as you REALLY do. To say it and not mean it and go back to wanting her to change, you will definitely lose her forever. Even if she gives you a second chance, it is hard to forget being hurt. Sometimes impossible. You have to accept that you can’t make her trust you, you have to earn it and that takes A LOT of time. A LOT. It’s not just through words either, but your actions over a long period of time.