My wife fell in love with her best friend. How do I trust her again to make us work?
I am a lesbian and I am married. Ever since my wife has met this girl she has started lying to me about everything. She has not shared important stuff with me but with the other woman instead. I then found an email that said she loved her and missed her and how is sucks that they have not seen each other. I am almost positive the other woman doesn’t have feelings like that for my wife. I have now forbid my wife any contact with her. The other woman is straight and likes married men. However my wife is somewhat butch and is married. What should I do? I really want to work this out.
She has already agreed to work this out and not talk to the other woman. I just want to know how I gain my trust back in her.
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Tagged with: best friend • butch • email • feelings • Lesbian • love • woman
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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You can NOT trust her again. You trusted her in the beginning and look what it got you. Wise up young man…you’re being used and getting played.
Cheers!
let her pursue it… you aren’t her keeper and aren’t her mother…
she obviously doesn’t respect you… so let her go…
then you did the right thing, but you can do a lot of things…and, your wife has to ultimately be the one to decide to be in a committed relationship. g’luck.
I love this question…this proves that we are"just friends" is such a cop out. It leads to this…it destroys relationships. Sorry to hear this…I just hate cheating, liars and deceivers…heartbreakers…they deserve whats coming to them for their selfish acts…do they now know how this affects otehrs? My god the pain is too immense to put into words.
Sorry. I can only suggest counseling. SOmething is missing in the relationship to make her want to roam…not that it is your fault. She needs to decide whether or not she is going to make it work with you or move on b/c you cannot dictate that she not talk to this other chick. She will if she chooses and it sucks. She broke your trust and I can assume this is the first time…you need to open up the door for conversation. Good luck and I am sorry that you got hurt. This should ultimately be your decision though.
Be honest with her… and let her know she needs to do what is necessary to fix this if she wants the marriage…but first find out if she still wants the marriage. If she has doubts then maybe u need to move on.
You need to sit down with her and have a very serious conversation with her. A marriage isn’t something to make light of. Tell her what you feel for her and that you would like to make things work. But she needs to do her part if she too wants to make things work. Don’t settle for this. Because you are investing a lot in this marriage and it’s not fair to you.
Ask her why is she doing this? Ask her everything you need to know in order to see if this relationship is worth saving. You can give it a try but if you see she isn’t doing her part then you need to move forward. Hope this helps you out some. Good luck.
You need to talk to your wife about it. If she loves you, she will stop lying and move on.
Unfortunately you need to decide if you can get past the cheating and the lies. If you can’t, then tell her and leave.
If you can, then tell her you are willing to try to make it work.
The thing that concerns me is you used the phrase "fell in love with" not ‘had an affair with’… sadly love is something you can’ really get past.
if she truly is in love with the other woman, leave with your dignity intact and lick your wounds in private.
Don’t stay with her just because you may be worried you won’t find another woman… you seem like a lovely person, and i am sure there is someone out there who will love you for who you are, and will respect you as you need.
Best of luck!
She has to want to gain your trust back, and it takes time to get it back after trust is broken. Basically, her life has to be an open book to you. Time time time.
Yeah but the question is, does she want it to work ?
Just the fact that she started looking elsewhere is an indicator that you are having serious problems in your relationship and I will seek therapy.
Forbidding her to see the other woman will only make her want to see her more because it’s something dangerous. Very unlikely she will stop any communication just because you said so.
As far as trust goes, she has to earn it.
Sorry, being honest here. NO BULL****
First, you may learn to trust her again in time but it will take a long time and there is no shortcut, so if you are looking for some quick fix sorry it won’t happen!
Second, you cannot forbid anyone else to do anything. You are an equal, not a master or slave owner! Perhaps if your attitude toward her changed you wouldn’t have so much trouble keeping her at home!
I believe that inherent within the God-given right to the pursuit of happiness, is the equally God-given right to the pursuit of unhappiness. That is why I support gay marriage.
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You can’t “know” that she’s living up to her word to be faithful. If you decide to stay you have to try to trust her ir you can’t do that, which is *totally* within your right, then you should leave.
Nothing good will come of staying but distrust and worry.
Good luck.