I love my husband, but I am not in love with him anymore, WHAT DO I DO?
We have been married for over a decade have children together. We met in high school. We had a rough marraige, I did everything you could think of to stay together. I have been a good wife and mother. About 1 year ago I met a man and we became friends it has been 2 years now, friendship lead to an affair. I now have feelings for this man. I don’t love him. I think I just like the sex. I now have a hard time having sex with my husband. I know I messed up. I just wish I could fall in love with my husband again. ( For the record I have been to counseling and all.. but I refuse to admit to infedelity. Anyone’s advise will help.. Thanks
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Tagged with: counseling • decade • feelings • friendship • good wife • hard time • having sex • Infedelity • Man Love • marraige • Met • sex with my husband
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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tell him and be honest its better to find out from u than someone else
Well your counselling hasn’t worked because you haven’t told the truth. Who knows what else you are lying about.
I feel very sorry for anyone who’s spouse does this behind their back. I suggest you come clean to everyone and let the chips fall where they may.
hmm well what can I say. Well first off I’m not gonna judge you as though im sure alot of people will read your question and write something smart or nasty and start judging you..thats not what you need to here. But my advise to you . Is to be honest with your husband. Give him that respect. Let him know how you feel maybe its something on his part that he needs to change to make your marriage work to make you happy and make you not want to be with this other man..And for yourself you need to do some searching and see and find the reason you feel in love and married to your husband in the first place. I will say Ive never been in this situation..so your husband may leave you or he may stay for the love he has for you and wants to work it out..but in the end honesty is best..I will you luck..
go back to why you got married and start from there
Try to remember why you fell in love with him in the first place and try to get it back that way, if that doesnt work then you have to leave him, We only get one chance at life and whats the point living a lie when you are not happy. In the end the only thing we have is our happiness.
good luck
Try talking about sex to your husband. Try to explain what you like and what he can do to interest you. What does this man you are dating do that your husband doesn’t?
Try to cajole him into doing some more things with you. If you are still loving your husband, but just not the intimacy, then work on that.
Sex isn’t love, and it sounds like you are in love with your husband and lusting for your boyfriend.
You do not love your husband and the man you are having an affair with is just that, a man. You need to get out of both relationships and find YOURSELF! Best of Luck to you!
Stop the affair, come clean with your hubby, and work on it.
You say you still love your hubby. Then stop doing what you are doing because people who love each other, don’t have affairs!
Over time, the feeling of "being in love" fades, and I think you know and understand that. If you are looking for an excuse for the affair, this isn’t it. And you know it.
Further, refusing to admit to what you have done is weak. Are you this weak? I hope not!!! Admit it, to yourself, to your counselor, and to your husband. Work it out and say goodbye to the man who has wrecked your life. Sex is not love. And sex cannot replace the years you have spent with your husband, and the issues you have been through together.
Do the right thing. You know in your heart what that is. You married this man for a reason, and if you still love him, do what is right.
until you face the truth i dont think you can move on,you have to admit that you were unfaithful you also have to want to save your marriage,you can fall in love again its just going to take work,good luck i am a firm believer of marriage staying together,its not easy but nothing is
You need to leave your husband. Its not right or fair to stay there. With the way you feel, it will destroy you and with the way you act you will destroy your husband. And although then your childrens’ parents will be separated, surely that is better than growing up in the sort of atmosphere that there must be in your home at the moment.
However, that is not my decisions to make. If you really think you can make it work then good luck. But be true to yourself. Deep down you know what you should do though it may be hard to go through with it. Just be honest and trust your own feelings x
Well, ask yourself if it would be okay for your husband to be having "sex on the side" would that bother you? You know the obvious answer, as long as you are fooling around with the other guy your husband will not be as exciting to you! LEAVE THE DUDE! After that you need to see about some counseling for the both of you. Start dating each other and spending time together (everything you have been getting elsewhere) and remember why you fell in love with your husband and why you got married!
Or you could just tell your husband and see if he wants to have a "piece on the side" and you could just go on each of you getting your sexual fulfillment from someone else!
You just admitted to infidelity when you wrote that you had an affair, have feeling for the man you’re still sleeping with and enjoy his sex better than you do your husband’s. You need to let go, give him a divorce and allow him to find a woman who’ll be faithful and more appreciative.
U should love ur husband as he isa the persong who brought cheers to ur life. sex is not every thing in life it is ur inner sense which shoud prevail and find out what is good for u & ur children.
I am the same way. We never had counseling because he refuses to go. I have left my husband 2 x’s before because we were unhappy. We have just separated though. Things are rough in our situation. We just had our second child and well our kids are 1 and 6 months. Its hard to have our alone time and well we are growing further apart. We never talk anymore and well he never helps me with the kids. I feel as if I can’t stay anymore. But I am for the kids and I know there is a chance for change. My advice is if your not happy don’t waste your time being unhappy. Tell him the truth that your not happy and you want to explore your options for more excitement. Don’t get to where you sol up and stay to yourself and not let him touch you. Do something before it gets to late. If not for you and your husband but your kid(s). Not only does it effect you and your spouse but the inocent party- the kids.
try to spend more time with him,goin to watch movies,plan chill outs,make him smile at whatevr u say,hav more n more physical contact(if u like him a little) n luv ur FAMILY n u ‘ll fall luv wid him
check out how much he luves u
admiting to the infidelity is probably what you need to do…in counseling and to your hubby. If your not in love with him anymore …admittting to the affair shouldnt be an issue. He may or may not forgive you. If not, the marriage is over. If he does forgive you then you and he can start fresh and possibly fall in love again. You have nothing to lose at this point.
Ok, when I was 16 this happened to my parents! My dad had an affair. He came clean with my mom and told her everything. Divorce and separating were on their minds but they do love each other very much. Their Love was so strong that they over came it. It took about 2 years to get it back normal but with therapy. Not couples therapy…just my dad went and found out why he wasn’t happy etc… But the point here is they made it through it….Sometimes you have to trust in your love.
I dont think you loved him in the first place but more on the lines of lust. You dont say that you love someone and later on you dont. Love has been tossed around so much that the true meaning of it has been lost. I would end the relationship and the both of you move on. Maybe hell find someone who will actually be there and love him FOR REAL and youll find mr right. Staying together is just going to make matters worse and hurt him more later when you finally tell him. Have you tried talking to him? You should tell him how you feel let him tell you how he feels about the whole new guy thing "CHEATER" once a cheater always a cheater. I feel sorry for this new guy. Are you going to tell him you love him and then later on leave too. Who am i to say im only a 17 yr old but then again ….
like anyone…we all deserve to know what our loved ones are doing behind our backs…it is a betrayal so he deserves to know…i am not judging ur situation or your reasons for doing what u did but maybe listen to your heart and do what u know to be right… good luck and dont feel to bad u cant change the past
Do you mean you "refuse to admit to infidelity" to your husband or AT ALL? Here you go: you have been unfaithful to your husband and now you are hooked on your lover. This is something only you can decide- do you want to fix it with your hubby or let things go on as they are? This is your very own moral/emotional dilemma. No one can tell you what to do. If you don’t know yourself right now, I believe you will in time. Thanks for bringing this up because it indicates something has you confused. PS- Be prepared for some harsh opinions. Not from me though-I wish you the best!!
You first and far most need to be honest with your husband, if he finds out you slept with someone else and it does not come from you.. that would really crush him. Track back and think how you fell out of love with your husband? Did he stop doing the little things like kissing, holding hands, making you laugh and smile? If he did you should of told him when he changed that he was not the same man you met in high school. Instead of letting lead up to an affair with this other man. Girlfriend you are going to have to make the first step and admit to wrong doing and if he forgives you then you have to work on gaining his trust again! Also you have to delete the other man out of the picture if you are serious about getting things on track with your husband.
Good Luck!
Marriage aint suppose to be easy you have to work hard at it through the good times and the bad. if you wanna "fall back in love" then think of the times you’ve did cheated on him and then think.. what if he did that to you. How would you feel? anyways tell him the truth and try to make things work. But first step is admiting you were wrong, yes it may be hard cause the truth hurts. but good luck with your marriage! i hope it works out
When I seen your question tears came down my face..I to went through somthing simular.I had to finally leave my husband it was tearing me up inside)the guilt almost made me loose my mind.I prayed about it first then I finally let my husband know I couldn’t live like that.He didn’t know I had an affair but I just told him we were growing apart.I was married almost 25 years we didn’t have any kids but the pain is still the same.After I picked myself up by my own boot-straps I finally told him and moved 3,000 miles away for 1 year.He went on with his life but he tried to hurt me by marrying my first cousin.Ha it didn’t hurt me cause I found the Love of my life and am now happy.I did learn one most important thing.Be honest with yourself first and live with that Motto.(Good Luck)
Girl you need to get out! Don’t stay with someone just to make things look good or look like things are good. Everyone deserves to be happy. You need to get out or leave this other men alone and try, try again with your husband. And another thing that isn’t love for your husband if you slept with another man! Don’t get me wrong new sex is always good sex, but it still all comes down to your husband! Just think about what you want for yourself and not about how everyone else will feel! MAke yourself happy first!!!!!! If the kids are older they will understand, and if not then they will grow to understand and they won’t hate you for it because they know whatever makes you happy makes them happy! Bye hope that this helped you out. Good Luck!
GIRL SPECKING:How good was the sex?
Wow our history is so similar. First of all I don’t think there is any reason to tell your husband of so many years that you don’t love him anymore. That would just be unnecessarily hurtful. Never tell him about the affair! That would be just plain stupid. Before you walk out the door you have to find what is missing in your life (and I don’t mean the man between your legs). We can not depend on our husbands to fulfill our life. They do not have a clue what we want although we have told them over and over (my husband is a workaholic and never remembers my birthday and our anniversary, although I did get a broom for Christmas last year, because he had wrecked mine using it outside) Get a hobby, pamper yourself, loose weight, make a life away from home with new friends (I joined a dance club) start a company of your own. Do what ever it takes to make yourself happy. If he doesn’t like your new lifestyle (him not being the center of your attention when he wants it) then let him divorce you. Take exactly half of everything and share the kids 50/50. That is my advice.
You have given yourself an answer. You aren’t IN love with your husband. This would make it difficult to allow him to make love to you, even harder now you have a lover. Can you imagine the hurt and pain he would feel if in another two or more years he found out you were having an affair and had being doing so for so long? You should tell him that you’re unhappy, have been for a long time, and you think you should both call it a day. Who knows, you may just find that the spark is still there, it just needed a little friction to get it going. In the long run, it’s best for all concerned if you did the right thing. At the moment you’re sneaking around and living a lie.
Good luck to you and all around you.
You should discuss this with your husband…as good or bad he may be to you…he still deserve to hear it from you. I mean, you did marry him to commit to being faithful FOR BETTER OR FOR WORST. For the future, if you can’t commit to that then don’t get marry. Those are sacred words meant for committed people. This is the worst, since you’ve made that commitment at the church or wherever you got married, stick with it.
First, stop trying to *live* the soap operas you watch on TV.
"I’m married I don’t love him but I love him so I cheated on him and I love the other guy no I don’t but d*mn the sex is good but I think maybe… geezus! Your life is OUT OF CONTROL. And it is out of control because *you* made it that way.
Until you can admit to being an unfaithful, trust abusing betraying sleep-around wh*re, nothing will improve. Because this is every bit as much about changing your character as a person as anything else.
To do that, you need to stop thinking just about you, you, you and what you want and how you can lie and cheat to get it. You are extremely selfish and immature. I say this because this is what I tell guys who cheat and I don’t think women should get off the hook any easier than men when they break their wedding vows.
Tell your husband right now that when you kiss him you have another man’s come on your breath. Notice you "have a tough time" screwing your husband — but you still screw hi, right? Well what a perfect time to tell him he’s sloshing around in another man’s come – right when you’re doing the deed.
See it’s that betrayal, that you making those kinds of decisions for him that is the damage of cheating. Not to mention how you’re tearing yoru family apart. But you don’t care about that, right? As long as you get some strange dick.
And *enough* of this fairy tale notion – I love him but I’m not in love with him. You either love someone or you do not. *You* wouldn’t want someone to make that retarded distinction, would you? "I love you but I am not *in* love with her. Now blow me, my darling mistress."
So – own up to it, take your medicine, endure the consequences, and if you meet a guy through cheating, you will lose him the same way. Enjoy.
no one said marriage is easy..
and there’s something u should know, love will eventually fade away..
it’s always like this..u fall in love with someone u have the best life and moments but in the end that feeling is going to fade away, and that’s normal..this is life..
now a great marriage is when u r with that person and u dont feel the same as before but u keep going being the great woman u r raising ur kids and give ur man all the comfort of life by respecting him..
do u think those people that are married for 20 or 30 years is becoz they love each other so much?..wrong in the beginning they do, but with time it goes away and they learn to live with each other and make sacrifices for one another, now thats a great marriage and life..
no matter who u fall in love with..it wont last…
now about ur infidelity u should tell ur husband about it, and since u tried everything just separate and make a life of ur own..a life u will enjoy..hope u dont regret it. coz its hard to build a new world for urself since u already had one…
good luck…
p.s: i feel sorry for ur husband for marrying someone like u..he deserves better than u..
Keep your mouth shut and keep doing what you are doing. He will find out eventually, but by then it will not matter.
Just be careful not to get caught.
Soon you will realize how gross and disgusting the other man is too.Then you will be ‘out of love’ again.Why doesnt this fabulous lover take you all for himself right nowmaway from your hisband.
You are silly if you dont see that you are just his sex object..to be degraded and used over and for nothing else.Men dont really want women like you.
Be someone that your kids can be proud of. Tell the guy you’re sleeping with that, even tho the sex is great, your kids come first. So be a slime and ruin your kids childhood because you couldn’t keep your legs closed, like my ex did
Hello, To fall in love again with your husband, you must first of all LOOK AT HIM AGAIN (with new eyes if possible) because you have probably forgotten who you have next to you day after day after so many years together : this is very usual for "old couples". Make the effort to take a new glance at him and maybe you will … discover again the wonderfull man you have close to you and whom you "don’t see anymore"… To help, plz try to change your former uses and take a new breath with him by changing some simple things from your life ! Worth it trying ! Maybe you also will discover a new sex relation with him and will not need being cared by another man you admit you don’t love …
Good luck : really worth it !!!
Family value break down! Too many family’s fall apart this way. Is this the message a supermom wants to send to her children? I’m truly sorry your feelings for you husband has changed… This friend that you had sex with… knows your married and had no respect to the sanctity of your marriage vows. If you divorce your current husband what makes you think he will respect his own vows. A marriage is the union of two people, both have to work at keeping alive.– at some point every marriage will become disenchanted, that doesn’t mean it can’t again become the romance you once had, but you both have to work at it.
If you current husband doesn’t abuse you, physically or mentally, I would count your blessings. You may think the grass is greener somewhere else. But your chances are it won’t be. Also think of how your new lover will treat your children should you leave you husband. If you’re the one who had the extra marital affairs, you husband may have a good chance of getting full custody of the children.
I would seriously think this through before you make any kind of decision. Before thowing you current life away.
We have been married for over a decade and have two children. Younger one is 1 year old. just before few days of her birth i caught my husband redhanded having sex with our maid. He apologized a lot for his behavior and ashamed of him. I didnt left him because i feel i do not have any right to snatch father from my children. I just live with him an have no respect for him. But this affected my behavior. From a very mild person i become a very arrogant person. I leave no chance to shout at my husband. i have no control over it. I know i am purposely creating scenes.
At time when i realize my mistake, i become very caring and loving wife but for a very short period. Do i need to see a psycharitist?
Please help me.
I know what it is like to feel invisible and unheard….but to still love that person. People can push you so far away that you seek intimacy. I don’t think we ever intend on hurting anyone we love…but obviously you are unhappy and felt you had no other way of expressing that. My heart goes out to you.