If I want to get my ex-husband back?
We still lived together. We can’t afford to live apart. He surprised me with a divorce for 2 reasons. Our child got very, very ill. I was emotionally devastated, and a real needy mess. He is still recovering. Second, my husband took out plenty of student loans for graduate school, and after 3 years of school, he couldn’t get a better job after graduation. I think it’s partially the economy, and partly HIM. Because of our son being ill, I sort of lost it and pressured him daily because it felt like our whole world was falling into a black hole.
Here’s the scoop. He loves me, he likes me. There is no one else. He thinks I’m needy. He’s super nice to me one day, then he’s snippy and secretive the next, reminding me that we ARE divorced. I felt so blindsided by the divorce that I keep making things worse by asking him over and over how he could betray me, and I get so weepy.
I feel like I’ve painted myself in a corner because we have children and I only work part time. He has most of the money, and now I feel ALL of the power. Everything I read says to get him back I need to act confident, NOT needy, and a little hard to get.
What the hell do I do? This has been the WORST year of my life!
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Tagged with: 3 years • black hole • divorce • economy • graduate school • graduation • hell • job • money • part time • scoop • student loans • worst year
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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If there is no one else and you BOTH still love each other it is worth a shot. You are meant to be together because there still is love. You should both be closer than ever being it that your child is ill; you should help and hold one another up to stay strong for your children. You need to stop putting so much pressure on him and remember that he probably feels worse than you because he is the head of the house and is most likely trying to stay strong through the hard times for all of you. Take him out to a nice romantic dinner and tell him how much you still love him and that you want him back! Let him know that you are going to try and change your neediness into unconditional love but that you would like the same in return. Maybe consider some marriage counseling.
Good luck and I hope that everything gets better for you with your child and marriage!
Honestly, why do you want him back?
need to act confident, NOT needy, and a little hard to get. — this is exactly right, go about your day as if you dont need him. act as if you are not bothered by his inmaturaty and get a hobby or start going to the gym to show your independence.
im sorry for what you are gong through but you both nee to move on, if you really are divorced then
time for someone to move out, even if you cant really afford to the longer that you stay in this
unhappy situation. it will get worst for all of you…
Yes Lisa, you need to become stronger and more independent, emotionally speaking. Easier said than done, I know! But it’s a process, not a miracle that happens overnight. Learn to think of what is good for you, starting from the little things and moving on to bigger things. Every decision needs to be based on how it helps YOU and your life.
I think that you should maybe start thinking of a SOLO plan to get on your feet and move on. If you guys hook up later, then so-be-it. Right now I think you have to put your priorities in place. First and foremost, your kids, your well being, you and your kids future. Dont concentrate on getting him back right now. Use that energy to get yourself financially, emotionally stable. No matter what, he has to support his children. Its a beautiful thing when a person overcomes the obstacles that life puts in our path. If you start getting a hold of yourself, maybe that might be more appealing to him or possibly someone else. Dont sell yourself short. If he doesnt want to get back with you, then there is plenty of fish in the sea. Time flies, dont waste it on anyone who isnt deserving. God Bless and Good Luck
just get him out of your mind..i know that can be hard with him there..but you need to go out..with some friends..don’t try to get with someone else cause if you can’t make it work with him then you won’t be able to make it work with anyone else..but you do need to just focus on you…now i know that most of the people i have told to do that..they never do..so can you be an exception to this..FOCUS ON YOU AND YOUR KID/KIDS
U have every right to be needy reading of ur situation…. however, stop doing that. You have to grow as a woman and not pester the one u love. You need him right now and the best thing in my opinion, is u two working together as a unit and moving forward, together, as a family that has/is going through hard times. Forget about the past, it doesnt matter anymore. Dont feel guilty about anything, and when he starts to be snipity, put your hand up and tell him to STFU… in those acronyms and start laughing at what you just did. Chances are he will be laughing too. Good luck. Im sorry this is happening to you all right now but time will pass and it will get better, I promise.