Single or remarried mothers, do you talk bad about your ex-husbands to your children?
I ask this because it adds on to the misandry that is accepted in today’s society. (An example of that misandry would be this link, although it is used to sell Dodge Rams http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NpIMOMXAJY . Women may think it’s funny but if it was a man doing this, it would have to be taken off the air. (Guaranteed.)
My mother never did this. She would say good and bad things about my father and even herself but did explain to me why they broke up (which was a "dead-beats" decision done by him.). She didn’t try to turn my mind against my father, who I don’t really have a "relationship" with (by my own choosing for personal reasons) but respect because he is my father.
So let me ask, do you single mothers or remarried mothers make your ex husbands to be total devils and yourselves (even if you were the cause of the break-up) out to be angels or do you share both the good and bad between you both?
Because I wanted to know about mothers. Not about fathers at the moment since I know answers may be different by genders. If you want, you can beat me to making that question. Please stop making "comparative" answers.
unavailable. your father sounds like mine. I’m going to college now and trying to become a criminal lawyer….22, almost 23, years of age, and now he is calling me saying, "You don’t know how to call me?" What happened to the other 20 years of my life, lol…? Couldn’t pick up the phone then? When I graduated high school, he told my mother "You should make him go straight to work." My mother never talked bad about him either because he spoke for himself.
Good point, cope_acetic. It’s just that many single mothers have a lot of influence on their children at younger ages and they don’t know what questions to ask or how to think about the answers. It’s like, for example, if I had a child (Maybe 5 – 12) and I said, "Your mother is a selfish jerk and I’m glad I divorced her before she got a hold of my money.", I’d be pretty sure that my child would automatically take my side of the story without listening to hers.
Maria H, I know someone who has turned against her mother because her mother told her, when she was younger, to never speak to her father because her father would try to make himself look good and herself look bad. When she got older and confronted her father, her father told her the whole story and even admitted up to his cheating habits. She told the class (it was a religious studies class and we were just randomly talking before it started) that they had a tearful reunion and now she despises her mother since her mother said, "I told you not to talk to him."
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i don’t have an ex-husband, but my mom does: my father. to her credit, she never said anything bad about him to me. in fact, when they split she didn’t even ask for child support-they came to a verbal agreement. sadly, she got taken advantage of and my "father" turned out to be no more than a sperm donor. he remarried after a year, and disappeared. seriously. his new wife did not want him to have anything to do with his "old" family, so he ran off to another state with her and didn’t even leave my mom an address. my mom was forced to work long, double shifts at a 24 hour diner and we were on assistance for a while. i love my mom for that, and we’re still very close.
however, through all that crap, she never said anything bad about him. my mom remarried when i was 8, my step-dad and the only father i know and she is still married to him. my sperm donor eventually divorced his new wife and got another. he repeatedly tries to contact me, but i won’t speak to him. he went over 22 years totally ignoring me and now wants to see my child. i won’t let him.
so, when people talk about women bad talking their spouses, i don’t understand. I’m sure some do it, but my mother never did and i respect her for it.
No. He wanted to be single after 25+ years. Since they were adults by then he had to explain it to them. I never said a word- except to tell them that even though he wanted to separate after a year he still had not filed. I had to- and he’s a lawyer.
But why is this for women only — what about men who do that to the mothers of their children. Last week one guy referred to his ex-wife as the worst nightmare on earth.
Well my sons are grown men in their 20’s, and were at the time of the divorce.
Sometimes, I just can’t help it–he really REALLY did me wrong!! They don’t really like it, but they certainly understand my side since they saw me going through it.
I don’t talk to my 13 year old daughter about her father except on the rare occasion he emails or sends something to her as a gift–maybe once every two years. When he does, I instruct her to write a thank you card to him.
I would talk about him more, except (sorry to say) the only good thing about him and what he did to us is that he’s now far away. He changed overnight when he became a father–it’s like his heart was stolen when I wasn’t looking. I won’t go into details about that, but as a result there’s really nothing I feel I can say about him to her since I don’t want her to judge him until she’s an adult. Then, she can confront him herself and find out what happened and maybe form some kind of relationship if that’s what they both want.
I was raised by a single mother. When my sister or I had questions about him she would answer it mutually. She did also say some good things about him. After asking enough questions we/I (I don’t think my sister has caught on yet) caught on he was a dead-beat at best.
I wouldn’t know personally but my mother’s a single mother and she’s never said a bad word against my father; she’s just explained to me why they broke up and their situation and let me make my own mind up
Absolutely not. When you criticize the other parent, that child will hear you criticizing part of him/her because that other parent part is part of him/her.
I have always told them dad loves them, just like mom does. I have also pointed out all the reasons they should be proud of their father (he is a good man, we just got married way too young). I have never jerked him around with visitations (scheduled or unscheduled) and he doesn’t jerk me around with child support. And this has caused problems in past relationships for me. He stops in a lot at my house to see the kids and sometimes just hang with them. It takes a strong man to be comfortable with an ex-husband popping in like that.
We ar a very unusual divorced couple in that sense, but it works for us. I can’t imagine raising our kids without his input and support. The kids know that they can’t play us against each other and I know when I’m getting crap from one of them I can say "Call dad and ask him" and he’ll back me 100%. It usually ends the argument.
We didn’t work but we both love our kids, and they know that.
NO,I have three children,i allow my kids to speak and also be w/their father!Yes,I left him due to lack of staying out of jail.BUT, even though there was alot of neg.from him i never bash him of his wrongs,w/him doing neg .towards them all on his own they are old enough to understand ever right and wrong that he choose to do!If he decide to be a father when he chooses and they want to be around him then ok!men need to realize not all women are like that!and yet theres many that do,these women need to realize they Will only be hurting themselves,these children will understand 1day the truth and it may turn the children against the mothers!
It’s vital that parents try not to bad mouth each other ever to their children because boys and girls identify with both parents and whatever a parent says bad about the other parent is taken by children to mean that same thing is true somewhere within them as being a composite of both parents. If anything, parents should speak as highly of the ex-partner as possible to their children, even if that leaves a so-called "wronged" parent dangling with no solid justification for getting a divorce. For example, if a husband is unfaithful, that is NOT something that needs to ever be shared with children.
No, I don’t talk about bad about him because children are not to blame for the problems of the parents.
My ex is now in prison which is where he belongs he was very violent and screamed and yelled all the time he did this in front of the kids, I don’t talk bad about him to them but there teenagers and really don’t have a relationship with him, they I’m sure have formed there own opinion of him. And if someday he ever gets his shit together and wants to be part of there lives that will be there decision
I am a single mother never married just stupid.
I NEVER talk bad about her daddy to her or anyone. I still think he is a good man. just because right now he doesn’t want to be in her life. i can only Pray that he opens his eyes and sees his daughter and be her daddy. she needs him in her life. he can see her anytime he wants.
I think when any parent tries to turn their child against them that IS child abuse. i lived that watching my parents talk about each other in front of me. I hated that.
But NO i will NEVER ever talk bad about him. he just needs to see how great his little girl is God Bless
EDIT: I forgot to add that I tell my Daughter that I am NOT perfect in anyway. i try and teach her that everyone has faults everyone has done things they are not proud of. I just hope i am doing right by her and she grows as happy as she is now. I just know having her was the best thing i ever did.