Why won’t my husband give up his long term mistress and move back home? Honest answers please?
He won’t divorce me. I filed out of frustration and never followed up with courts. He is a great father, great provider for me and kids. He won’t answer my questions about why this happened to us. He say’s if he wanted to file for divorce he would. He is really respectful to me without having any sex or intimacy. He shows up for family gatherings then leaves and spend his nights with her!
FYI: married 9yrs his affair has been going on over 2yrs
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Tagged with: divorce • family gatherings • frustration • Fyi • great provider • honest answers • intimacy • leaves • Married Affair • Mistress
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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You are are lying to yourself in exchange for his continued support.
He is lying to you, his children and his family by pretending to be what he no longer is.
If you both continue on in this deceit, you will reap what you sow and your children will pay the price.
He walks on you because you’re a doormat and you allow it.
We teach people how to treat us.
If you don’t like how you’re being treated just teach him something else.
I can’t understand how he is respectful to you when he is disrespecting you by cheating with another woman. If you want a divorce, you can simply file the papers AND follow up. I can’t even wrap my arms around what you are allowing. Have you ever thought about what your children are learning from this? WOW. I am assuming that you don’t advise women who are being disrespected and cheated on when you answer questions, to pick up their dignity and move on….
He is trying to keep the image of a "father and husband" when he is nothing but. The fact that he does not have sex with you is not out of respect is out of no love. He does not realize that staying married and making believe he still has a family is the worse lie he can say to his children who will grow up thinking what his father is doing is right by having the woman he loves on the side and the mother of his children like another ornament in the house.
You should teach your children to have respect and dignity. They will ask you some day why did you allow him to humiliate you and them that way.
File for divorce and gain your respect and dignity back or just get yourself a man who loves you and you will both be even.
This doesn’t sound real but I’ll answer anyway.
He won’t move back because he doesn’t want to. You won’t file because you want his money. You are both pigs.
Wiat a minute! He’s respectful of you?! No he is not. If he really was such a great and respectful guy then he wouldn’t have broken his vows in the first place. He won’t leave you because he knows you have his ass if you file for divorce. he wants to have his fun and keep you down in your place. You not following through only benefits him. if you want to continue to be a door mat, then by all means stick around and continue to let him humiliate you. If you got some self respect then follow through with the divorce and take him to the cleaners. He is never going to give you a legit reason as to why he does this if you sit back and take it. Your worth more than that and so are your kids.
You have lost your own self respect…….I know the question was Why won’t my husband give up his long term mistress and move back home?…….so here’ my answer, because you don’t respect yourself, neither will he…..
file the papers……
He is not going to give up his mistress. He does not want to make any changes because he has everything that he wants. You can not allow this to go on any longer.
Please take control of the situation. His behavior has destroyed your family, and although the illusion of the family is still in place at certain times, you and your children know the truth, and so does he.
Its over, and it will be over until or unless he gives up the mistress completely.
Follow up on the divorce and move on, and seek some individual therapy for help during this process.
Good luck. I wish you peace and health and happiness in 2010.
I am really rather surprised you have not figured out the answer to this yourself. He is not divorcing you because it would not be a wise financial move. If he makes any sort of decent money, the courts will order him to not only pay child support but also alimony to you. He cannot write the kids and you off on his taxes. Addtionally, if there is a house involved, he will lose his inventment in it. And to top it all off, you would get his pension and half or more of any other financial holdings or posessions of value. As things are, he can come and go as he pleases without a payout of more than he was ever paying and actually far less since he no longer has to give you the frills he gives his girlfriend. I say "girlfriend" because he has been with her for two years. You did nothing about it. She can hardly be called a mistress anymore when he essentially lives with her.
Let’s face it. You are more the mistress now than she is. You have allowed yourself to be treated like a kept woman. You say he respects you while any logical person would have to ask what your definition of respect is.
What is it that you are hanging on to? You no longer have a husband in any sense of the word. You can be financially fine if that is your worry…..you will gain more financially by divorcing him than by staying married.
I implore you to add to your question what you think the benefit is to staying married to him? Why are you doing it? I really am stumped.
Don’t be a door mat. File and follow thru. You’re holding on to bad energy here and getting nothing in return but low self-esteem. Kick this loser to the curb. You can get alimony for the kids and he can still be that "great father" to them. Jordan is right. Think about what staying with this cheater is teaching your children?
It sounds like a situation that my great grandmother experienced with my great grandfather. My great grandfather was living with his mistress. My great grandmother went over to where he was living with his mistress. She told him to think of the children. He left his mistress and moved back home. Hope that your husband has a sense of obligation toward his children’s mental & moral upbringing. Good luck!
Sounds like you are already divorced. A husband is suppose to do more than just provide and show up for holidays…please, you deserve better! Stop tolerating this BS, seek therapy if you need too…but don’t let any man treat you like a revolving door….seriously, do you think you deserve this? Your husband keeps doing this b/c he thinks he’s holding the cards, kick this loser out….and move on..not all men are like this!
You can only expect to be treated as badly as you allow people to treat you….and you my dear are way,way to permissive with him treating you like a nanny to HIS kids. He IS NOT respect full of you. OH NO HE ISN"T. He treats you like a womb. He shows up at family gatherings and has no shame?You filed papers for a divorce and failed to free yourself of this piece of human crap. The next time you file and want to pursue it,the courts frown on "Failure to Appear". Your next attempt will meet difficulty.Get him out of your life and get a self-respecting spine. Over 20% of your marriage you have allowed this to go on. OMG. You are as much to blame as he is. I gotta go before the "suspension cops" text me.Good luck with this. I will pray for you to get help.
This affair will probably fizzle out when you lose interest in him and meet someone else.
Your husband is giving you all he wants. This is a lie. Being a mistress myself I can tell you he is only worried about his money but he has been gone along time. What about you puts up with this. I assure you that he and his mistress would rather be out of this situation emotionally.