Divorce vs. Legal Separation (to save? the marriage)?
After three years of marriage, my wife has told me is going to file for divorce. (We decided to separate in August with the initial intent to just take a "time out" of the marriage, but while she was off on her own, I imagine she decided that her life (and stress level) would be lower without me.)
In recent conversations we’ve had, she said she needs to be on her own to figure out what she wants in life, and doesn’t have the energy to devote to being a "good wife".
I haven’t given up on the marriage, but apparently she has. I tried to talk her out of moving foward with the divorce, but she seems pretty determined. The only thing I can think of as a "last gasp" effort is to convince her not to divorce, but to legally separate, and stay apart for a while more while we work on our own issues.
Yet in several good books I’m reading, they say that if I really want to save our marriage, I need to let her work through the process SHE wants to go through (so she doesn’t feel controlled), and if during the process she sees that that things have really started to change (in me), maybe she’ll cancel the divorce.
At the risk of sounding sexist, I’d like to get thoughts from women, and married women in particular, who have been at the same place as my wife is now, and what they did or didn’t do during this period.
BTW, our marriage problems didn’t involve physical abuse or infidelity. Just a lot of emotional issues from past marriages, a "Brady-Bunch nightmare family dynamic" as a blended famiy, and some addiction problems on both sides. I don’t need advise or info on the legal ramifications of divorce vs legal separation. I know all those.
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Tagged with: addiction problems • brady bunch • conversations • divorce • divorce separation • emotional issues • good books • good wife • infidelity • initial intent • last gasp • legal ramifications • legal separation • marriage • marriage problems • Married Women • nightmare • physical abuse • risk • stress level • time out
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Sounds like her minds made up. You can talk all you want, but know that in her, she has made the decision. I’m at the beginning, he’s trying so hard to try for this too work but it just won’t. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. For us we changed too much and are so different it’s never going to be good again. For better or worse right? Well the worse came and we destroyed each other, we did anything but lean on each other to cope and now we are too far apart and different. You need to do what my hubby needs to do, look at the big picture and realize it can not work unless you become different people altogether, which wouldn’t be real. Let go, when you feel she’s not coming back to you.
Each of you has to want the marriage to succeed. It sounds like she’s determined to get a divorce, no matter what you say or do.
Ask her to agree to some time with a marriage counselor and if it doesn’t work, then go along with the divorce.