Comments on: Is it possible to save a marriage if my husband deserted me during my lowest times of my life? http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/ Sat, 11 Feb 2012 14:09:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: IslandArtiste http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/comment-page-1/#comment-21620 IslandArtiste Sat, 09 Jan 2010 09:36:20 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/#comment-21620 I really feel for you! The one person you should be able to count on, proves to be no support at all. He should be a rock for you, a shoulder to lean and cry on, but he is not. He sounds like an extremely selfish, callous man. You don't get over a mothers death in four months, you never do, really. You may be crying on and off for years - and it's normal! I'm so sorry that you have no one to talk to except the Y/A community. There is a lot of empathy and help here, you will just have to weed out the stupid, heartless answers! You may want to try counseling, but I don't think your husband will change. You need to get yourself strong and independent from this guy - slowly distance yourself from him emotionally and financially - until you can go it alone. There is someone out there for you who will be a true and supportive partner to you! I really feel for you!
The one person you should be able to count on, proves to be no support at all.
He should be a rock for you, a shoulder to lean and cry on, but he is not.
He sounds like an extremely selfish, callous man.

You don’t get over a mothers death in four months, you never do, really.
You may be crying on and off for years – and it’s normal!

I’m so sorry that you have no one to talk to except the Y/A community.
There is a lot of empathy and help here, you will just have to weed out the stupid, heartless answers!

You may want to try counseling, but I don’t think your husband will change.

You need to get yourself strong and independent from this guy – slowly distance yourself from him emotionally and financially – until you can go it alone.

There is someone out there for you who will be a true and supportive partner to you!

]]> By: Karin http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/comment-page-1/#comment-21621 Karin Sat, 09 Jan 2010 09:36:20 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/#comment-21621 Love is supposed to be unconditional (obviously with a few exceptions like cheating & abuse). It does not seem as if he has been unconditionally loving you. He should really be more understanding, he sounds very self-centered. I can't really tell you what to do because I am not in the horrible situation that you are in BUT I know if my husband was that non-supportive... he would have 2 choices, work on it and fix it OR the marriage is over. If it was not fixed I could not get over it. I would have a really hard time forgiving something like no support after the death of my Mother. It's your decision to make... good luck. Love is supposed to be unconditional (obviously with a few exceptions like cheating & abuse). It does not seem as if he has been unconditionally loving you. He should really be more understanding, he sounds very self-centered.

I can’t really tell you what to do because I am not in the horrible situation that you are in BUT I know if my husband was that non-supportive… he would have 2 choices, work on it and fix it OR the marriage is over. If it was not fixed I could not get over it. I would have a really hard time forgiving something like no support after the death of my Mother.

It’s your decision to make… good luck.

]]> By: Xo http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/comment-page-1/#comment-21622 Xo Sat, 09 Jan 2010 09:36:20 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/#comment-21622 You don't sound like your complaining. You sound like you're tired and you're looking for someone to give you 'permission' to leave. Sometimes there are people we meet in life where we want them to be nice, we want them to mean so much more, and we want to be happy with them because we have strong feelings for them...for example old friends, spouses, family members, etc. But at the same time there's that one person everyone has that does so much damage and hurt that despite your best wishes and wanting things to be good, they simply cannot be forgiven. It's probably the hardest thing to admit. If that's where you're at, (and I don't blame you, because if I was in your shoes, I would have left already) and you can't go through it again what so ever, then you need to leave. Because to me, it's better to be on your own and go through rough times by yourself, than it is to have that support cave through and have to pick yourself up from two losses instead of one. ...He's just proven himself to be...unreliable. He may have had a lot of issues and such, but sometimes people turn around just a little too late. Betrayal is a deeply cutting emotion; if you can't bring yourself to go through it again then you can't. It might seem cold or upsetting, but he hasn't been able to look out for you in this relationship, so you need to look out for yourself and how to live with your surroundings otherwise his issues are going to become your issues. (The alchoholism, the depression, etc.etc.) added: "Love is supposed to be unconditional (obviously with a few exceptions like cheating & abuse)." Karen is correct but what this dude has done already -IS- abuse. You don’t sound like your complaining. You sound like you’re tired and you’re looking for someone to give you ‘permission’ to leave.

Sometimes there are people we meet in life where we want them to be nice, we want them to mean so much more, and we want to be happy with them because we have strong feelings for them…for example old friends, spouses, family members, etc.

But at the same time there’s that one person everyone has that does so much damage and hurt that despite your best wishes and wanting things to be good, they simply cannot be forgiven. It’s probably the hardest thing to admit.

If that’s where you’re at, (and I don’t blame you, because if I was in your shoes, I would have left already) and you can’t go through it again what so ever, then you need to leave. Because to me, it’s better to be on your own and go through rough times by yourself, than it is to have that support cave through and have to pick yourself up from two losses instead of one.

…He’s just proven himself to be…unreliable. He may have had a lot of issues and such, but sometimes people turn around just a little too late. Betrayal is a deeply cutting emotion; if you can’t bring yourself to go through it again then you can’t.

It might seem cold or upsetting, but he hasn’t been able to look out for you in this relationship, so you need to look out for yourself and how to live with your surroundings otherwise his issues are going to become your issues. (The alchoholism, the depression, etc.etc.)

added:

"Love is supposed to be unconditional (obviously with a few exceptions like cheating & abuse)."

Karen is correct but what this dude has done already -IS- abuse.

]]> By: Scarlet Cougar http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/comment-page-1/#comment-21623 Scarlet Cougar Sat, 09 Jan 2010 09:36:20 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/#comment-21623 If your husband has indeed seen that his behavior was wrong, and that it has caused you emotional duress, then he should be willing to go back into therapy. I would suggest that you all go back into couples therapy on work on this issue, and also to build up your communication skills. You should als continue to work with an individual therapist. Finally, you should build up a support network to help you deal with things, apart from your husband. If he has been the only one that you turn to in time of need, it could very well be that he is just worn out from being your sole source of emotional support. Good luck to you in your marriage. If your husband has indeed seen that his behavior was wrong, and that it has caused you emotional duress, then he should be willing to go back into therapy. I would suggest that you all go back into couples therapy on work on this issue, and also to build up your communication skills.
You should als continue to work with an individual therapist.
Finally, you should build up a support network to help you deal with things, apart from your husband. If he has been the only one that you turn to in time of need, it could very well be that he is just worn out from being your sole source of emotional support.
Good luck to you in your marriage.

]]> By: Queen Agnostic http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/comment-page-1/#comment-21624 Queen Agnostic Sat, 09 Jan 2010 09:36:20 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3466/is-it-possible-to-save-a-marriage-if-my-husband-deserted-me-during-my-lowest-times-of-my-life/#comment-21624 People make mistakes, they have to in order to learn. Your husband has realized his mistakes.... he cant change the past but he can change how he is now and in the future. If you do love him and want the marriage to work, you have to forgive him.... and all relationships are risks... there is never a guarantee that we wont get hurt or be abandoned etc. Thats life. As for drinking alcohol to numb the pain, please dont.... I lost my best friend to cirrhosis because she used alcohol to numb her pain... and over time she needed more and more because the tolerance level gets higher and higher and before you know it, your poor liver cant keep up and it starts scarring.... then when it gets scarred up to the point of no return, your in trouble.... cirrhosis is a very long and painful death.... you dont want that. keep working, find a job you like while your working this one.. keep building yourself up because I am getting that when you feeling low about yourself, your husband is taking advantage of your vulnerability.... dont be vulnerable to him until you feel you really can be..... be strong, stand up for yourself and settle for nothing but what you want in life. I am sorry about your mother... four months is hardly enough to get used to the idea you will never be able to hug or speak to your mom again. I lost my mother on November 10 of this year... it hasnt even been two months.... and I cant imagine my husband thinking I should just get over it.... losing a mother is a very difficult thing for a daughter to handle regardless of the state of the relationship....its hard. good luck to you People make mistakes, they have to in order to learn. Your husband has realized his mistakes…. he cant change the past but he can change how he is now and in the future. If you do love him and want the marriage to work, you have to forgive him…. and all relationships are risks… there is never a guarantee that we wont get hurt or be abandoned etc. Thats life. As for drinking alcohol to numb the pain, please dont…. I lost my best friend to cirrhosis because she used alcohol to numb her pain… and over time she needed more and more because the tolerance level gets higher and higher and before you know it, your poor liver cant keep up and it starts scarring…. then when it gets scarred up to the point of no return, your in trouble…. cirrhosis is a very long and painful death…. you dont want that.

keep working, find a job you like while your working this one.. keep building yourself up because I am getting that when you feeling low about yourself, your husband is taking advantage of your vulnerability…. dont be vulnerable to him until you feel you really can be….. be strong, stand up for yourself and settle for nothing but what you want in life.

I am sorry about your mother… four months is hardly enough to get used to the idea you will never be able to hug or speak to your mom again. I lost my mother on November 10 of this year… it hasnt even been two months…. and I cant imagine my husband thinking I should just get over it…. losing a mother is a very difficult thing for a daughter to handle regardless of the state of the relationship….its hard.

good luck to you

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